5.2.17

I Have No Idea What I'm Doing



Let me let you in on a little secret... I have no idea what I'm doing.

Yep, that's right, I'm completely and utterly clueless.

For a long time I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life. I didn't know if I wanted to be a teacher, an actress, a plumber, a builder, a writer, a porn star (this one's a joke)... I just felt lost. I thought that once I'd found my calling, I'd finally feel like I knew what I was doing. I thought that I'd be organised and I'd be an 'adult'. But well, Holly of the past, I'm sorry to break it you, but it just doesn't work like that.




JACKET - ZARA // PLAYSUIT - MISSGUIDED // EARRINGS - M&S

Weirdly, I guess I would say that I have 'found my calling'. Blogging and Modelling are definitely something that I want to turn into my full time jobs one day (even though it's pretty much what I do now, I don't earn enough to pay my own bills lol). Even if that doesn't work out though, at least I know that I love being in a creative field and I've learnt some valuable lessons. However, the thing is, I spend all of my time thinking 'am I doing this right?' 'is that what she does or what they do?' 'should I know what that is?' 'should I have one of those?' 'do I look like an idiot?' and it just leaves my brain in one big mush.

I think about things like money and I instantly just get this gut feeling that screams 'YOU ARE SO UNORGANISED' or 'girlll... put the shoes down and walk away' and it leaves me feeling like I'll never know anything about it. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I know the money that I have, I know the money that I spend and I know the money that I'm owed, but at the same time, I just look at it all like 'huh?' and it's like things start moving in slow motion (#shook). People bring things up like taxes or VAT and I just sit there thinking 'what???', and it scares me. Will I ever be able to 'adult'?





I am already Little Miss Super Organised And Punctual (wouldn't that make a great Mr Men character? No?), but this year, I want to be organised in a different sense: I want to feel like I know what I'm doing; I want to understand money, I want to be more professional, I want to feel like a bad-ass business gal - I want to make shit happen. I guess I'm just a bit tired of feeling like I'm wandering without any idea of what's actually happening.

I know that a lot of you out there will relate... I mean let's be real, does anyone really have any idea of what they're doing? or are we all just 'winging it'? because I'll be honest, I'm totally 'winging it' right now. Nevertheless, don't you think it'd be nice to feel like you weren't? To feel like you were actually 'adulting'?




PHOTOGRAPHY BY JOE GALVIN

I suppose the word 'adulting' is a weird one (and not just because it's not even a real word) (I'm not even sure if I should define myself as an 'adult' yet, or am I still a 'teenager'?). Just because I'm an 'adult' (or a 'teenager' lol), does that mean I should know everything, be organised, move out of my parents house, go and live in a big city working for a huge corporate company or something, like an adult should? I don't know. Either way, I work for myself most of the time and that means I need to be a bit more clued up about things, which is absolutely terrifying.

Still, if you don't know what you're doing, don't worry, I don't think anyone really does. Just take each day at a time and try to keep on top of whatever it is that you are doing. It is so scary to feel like you're lost and not going anywhere, but, as I always say, things will always work themselves out - they have to!

Thanks again to Joe Galvin for these fabulous photos! How cool are they?! Check out his website here!

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8 comments:

  1. I never used to understand how everyone else seemed to know what they wanted to be - I never had a clue! x

    LuxeStyle

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  2. First of all, LOVE the outfit and photos! Secondly, it's fully ok to not have a clue what you're doing, haha! I feel like unless you have one passion from when you're at school (like you're gonna be a doctor or something) then it's really tricky to find your path. I personally think you're doing ok and 'adulting' with everyone just comes with time!

    Robyn xo

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  3. I love this post! I think most people just like to pretend they know what they're doing - me included! Don't worry about it, one day it'll all just come together and it'll be fine!

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  4. Great post Holly!
    I'm 25 and I still have no clue how all this adulting stuff actually works and it does scary. There are so many things in my life that I don't understand but I'm just taking it all one day at a time. I've survived so far so I must be doing something right.
    You keep going Holly, you're doing great!

    Dionne xoxo

    DeeDee Louise

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  5. what beautiful photos and the outfit is so cool! You are definitely not alone in this feeling, even as someone who has gone to university and will be graduating in 6 months I have no idea where i'll be afterwards and its frigtening when the future is so uncertain but i think this is just the beginning for you and what ever happens, happens. I say this to myself all the time: 'Just take each day as it comes, work hard and peruse happiness' :) xx

    http://www.thewhimsicalwildling.com/

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  6. I feel exactly the same - I'm so all over the place with life right now, but I'm just trying to embrace it haha! I have to say your boots and outfit are amazing! xx

    Jessie | allthingsbeautiful-x

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  7. I'd love to know what I want to do career wise, I'm sort of on the fence about going self-employed fully and becoming a photographer x

    www.sheintheknow.co.uk // https://ittybittybookco.com/?aff=13

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  8. I'd love to know what camera Joe used to get these shots because they're bloody beautiful!

    Completely know what you mean with this post as well, I used to think I knew exactly what I wanted to do and now my head is so confused and it's like you said, it's all just a big mush...

    Julia // The Sunday Mode

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