gallery

11.5.17

My Busyness Is Making Me Feel Like A Bad Person


I am currently feeling very overwhelmed. I don't think I have ever been this busy before in my life. I've got blog collabs coming out of my ears, modelling jobs and castings to go to, and test shoot after test shoot to organise.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to complain. I know how incredibly lucky I am to be in the position that I am in. However, that doesn't mean to say that it can't all feel like 'too much' sometimes.




I get photographers messaging me on a weekly basis, asking me to test, telling me to contact the next time I'm down in London and sometimes it all just feels very difficult to try and organise it. I've currently got 7 people on my 'Photographers To Test With' to do list and not a lot of money in my bank. Some photographers are lovely and often offer to help with my travel, but more often than not, I fork out a load of cash for a ticket to London, or Birmingham, or somewhere else and it's just hard on my purse strings, you know? Plus the fact that a lot of the time that I'm in London, I've often been invited to do blogging things too. I might have been invited to an event or asked to have a meeting, or, on the modelling side of things again, I might actually have booked a job or have a casting to go to, so I don't always have the time to schedule in a shoot.

It's not that I don't WANT to shoot, because I do. And, this is what I worry about. I don't want these photographers to think I'm stringing them along or never going to shoot with them, it's just that I can't seem to find any time to do so, and since I've promised so many people as well, it's difficult to know who to contact first.



Now, with blog collabs I suppose I have a little more control.

Since I work from home, blogging is a lot easier to organise. I often shoot in my bedroom, or find somewhere really close by, where I can set up my tripod or balance my camera. However, the thing is, if I did that for every collaboration, my photos would constantly be the same. There would be no difference or variation between my looks or images, and as someone who's trying to turn this into their career, I think it's important that I show range and that I'm constantly improving, right?

I also don't want the brands I work with to all basically get the same images. I want them to have something unique that I've come up with, something that they'll cherish and that's just for them.

It's difficult to constantly have someone to help me shoot photos though. My parents aren't always free, neither are my friends and I can't always have a photographer help me, unless I'm willing to travel somewhere most of the time, or if I happen to be in London and another blogger wants to help me.

It's just a lot of pressure, to constantly be churning out amazing images and content, especially when you're already feeling under pressure with deadlines and things.




Another thing is, recently, I've also been booking a lot more modelling jobs and receiving a lot more castings too. This, of course, is amazing, don't get me wrong, but it's hard to now try and balance that along with my ever-growing pile of work I need to do for my blog (we all know that god forsaken corner of a bloggers room that's filled with blogger mail or clothes they need to shoot).



The point of this post is, not just a total splurge of my inner stress, but to talk about how my busyness is making me feel like a bad friend, or at least a bad person.

I've always been someone who wants to please people, help people, be on time and work with them. I don't like letting people down or saying 'no'. But these days, I'm constantly working. I'm writing, emailing, photographing, shooting, attending, travelling, meeting and being creative all the bloody time, and it has meant that I lose track of things, sometimes forget to text my friends, reply to Instagram DMs, check in on them, have a chat, and it makes me feel terrible.


(SORRY I HAD TO INCLUDE THIS BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY HAHA)


"Sometimes just being here is an overwhelming responsibility."


I know that there's that saying that goes something like: "there's no such thing as 'too busy', if you want to do something, you can make the time', and as much as I do think that is very true, I also think sometimes it's really bloody hard to do that. It literally feels impossible.

I don't want people to think that I don't care or don't love them. I adore the people in my life, but my life is suddenly taking off. I'm suddenly on this new journey and career path, a much busier journey and career path, and it's so hard to juggle everything.

I'm not used to people wanting or needing me. I am not used to having people arrange meetings, or wanting to shoot or meet for coffee. This all started with just me, myself and I, and I'm only just starting to work out how to let other people in too.



So, I guess what I want to say is that, if you're a photographer, a brand or my friend, please know that I'm trying my hardest to get things done, to do absolutely everything on my to do lists, to reply to texts and emails and to arrange and pay for trips down to London or wherever else. It might take me a while, but I'll get round to it all, I'm determined to!

Shop the look here:




6 comments:

  1. First of all, you look stunning in these shots. Secondly, I relate to this soooo much! The joys of living in the NW when everything and anything is in London, right?

    It sounds like modelling is going great for you (unsurprisingly) - congrats! As someone who just started out with agency modelling this year I'm getting into the swing of the whole castings and test shoots malarkey and my gosh does it take a lot of time. Agency stuff + blogging (which as you know takes enough time to be a full time job for 3 people lol) + a full time physics degree leaves me in that oh-so-busy situation just like you.

    You've hit the nail on the head about the guilt too - it can seem weird to say you can't make plans because you need to shoot a collab to someone who isn't a blogger, and might think it's weird that you have to schedule around time to take photos of yourself haha. And yes that 'making time' isn't always possible!
    Fab post :)

    Lily Kate xx
    JoliHouse.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know the feeling! It can be hard and overwhelming when you're being pulled in so many directions! Still posting great content though 👍🏼☺️

    MintyMemories.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. I totally relate to feeling overwhelmed. You know that you're making an effort to get to things though, and there's plenty of time. I hope you feel better about your schedule soon. I wish I could help somehow!

    Also, these photos are stunning. You're gorgeous, and I need that dress in my life omg.

    amberelb.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. It's typical isn't it, when everything you've always worked for happens all at the same time! So overwhelming you feel conflicted sometimes with how to feel! Completely understand and relate to wanting to create diverse content, to show growth and improvement, rather it all being same-same!
    This look is beautiful, as are you. I also adore the background and composition of each shot & can I just say, I LOVE your freckles!!!!!
    Keep doing you girl, take the time for yourself to re-fuel and rest, and the right people will understand that you are busy and not a bad person at all. Xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  5. Completely relate to this feeling! I think it's the kind of thing that creeps up on everyone once in a while, no matter what job they are in and it's so overwhelming (also it makes me so amazed at people who live really busy lives with amazing careers AND are parents haha). For what it's worth despite being so busy your content is still fab so well done you.

    Totally unsurprised that modelling seems to be going so well for you, you are totally made for it - these photos are SO gorgeous!

    Sophie xxx | Sophar So Good

    ReplyDelete
  6. So relatable! Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by busy-ness that I just sort of panic and do nothing, instead of just tackling things as I go along which is something I'm trying to get better at. You're doing amazing things Holly! <3

    Andini xx | Adventures of an Anglophile

    ReplyDelete

THE SIMPLE THINGS © 2017 | THEME by Blogs & Lattes