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Toxic Friendships


Let me start by saying that none of my current friendships are toxic. The people I have in my life right now are bloody amazing. They're kind, funny and caring. They're absolute true friends, and I couldn't have asked to have surrounded myself with better people.

That being said however, my friendships have not always been that way.




From a young age, I was desperate to be liked. I wanted to fit in, be 'cool' and conform to the mold of what was supposed to be. I would try everything, and do everything, to do just that.

The problem with that is: if you're different, you're different - that's just the way it is. And, unfortunately, people could often smell my desperation from a mile off.




EARRINGS - H&M

The weird thing was however, apart from the odd occasion where I experienced your stereotypical 'leaving me out of games' and 'calling me nasty names' bullying, these people who didn't actually like me, pretended to like me. They kept me close and pretended I was their friend.

I'd be invited to houses, or to go to the park, and when I'd arrive, there'd be no one home or no one there. I'd be included in games or asked to sit with people at lunch, just so people could try and get information out of me. I know that it was all a big game to people now, but at the time I really believed these people were my friends, because I was so desperate for that to be true.





I've even had a best friend (you know, that person who's meant to love, have fun with you and be your friend unconditionally?), who made me constantly feel like shit. This person would make fun of me in front of other people, or simply just when we were alone, to my face. They took the mick out of the way I spoke, acted and my facial expressions (something I still constantly think about today because, well, I use my bloody facial expressions all the time), and they made fun of my weight and would ask me stupid questions like 'why do you have stretch marks and I don't?', just to make me explain that I was a bigger size than them and make me conscious about myself.

And, that ladies and gentlemen, is not a friend.

I know that now.




I often see people talking about toxic relationships, but never really toxic friendships. And, the thing is, toxic friendships can be soul destroying.

Friends are meant to accept you, love you and look out for you. Friends are meant to keep secrets, give you advice, cuddle you when you're sad. Friends are meant to stick up for you and never stab you in the back.

I see too many people surrounding themselves with people who are hurting them, and friends shouldn't hurt you.



"People will stab you in the back and then ask why you're bleeding"

So, I guess the point I'm trying to make is. Look at who's around you. Who are you surrounding yourself with? Are they benefiting you? Are they hurting you? Do they make you feel good or bad? Do they talk about you behind your back? Or do they constantly sing your praises and want to shout their love for you from the roof tops?

A friendship should be 2 sided. Equal love and support from both people. No one should be tearing another person down or betraying another person's trust.

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14 comments:

  1. Bloody loved this post Holly! I had a few toxic friendships when I was in school and at the time I didn't view it as anything more than me just being uncool, but looking back at it now I can't believe I let myself be treated like that. It's so great when you finally find people who care about you and treat you with the love and kindness that you deserve! xxx

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    1. Thanks so much Caitlin! It's so weird to look back on isn't it?! I'd never stand for it now, but back then I just let it happen. xxx

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  2. I'm sure they'll read your blog and I'm sure they'll know who they are.
    You were, and are in a different league to them and they have nothing but their five minutes of glory to look back on.
    You have put their nasty little traits behind you and you have blossomed to where you are today. They will never have your strength of character and as you shine brightly you cast a shadow over their memory..
    The only way is UP for you x
    Love
    Dad

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  3. Girl, you're absolutely smashing it right now. I think it's so important to highlight "toxic friendships", I think we all overlook them a little and often don't associate friendship as being a negative thing. I absolutely loved this post and how raw it is!

    Heather, Heather McKnight

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    1. Thank you so so much Heather! That means so much to me xxxx

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  4. I relate to this post so much. What you said about people not discussing platonic relationships is SO important, because they are just as if not more important that relationships. Letting go of toxic people is the best feeling. I luckily never experienced anything nearly as bad as you did - so good to hear you're surrounded by wonderful people now.
    Holly x
    http://www.thetwinswardrobe.com

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    1. Thanks so much Holly - glad that you enjoyed the post! It's so freeing to let the toxic people go! xx

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  5. loved this post, it's so true that there is less talk about toxic friendships than relationships but they can often be just as damaging. i'm really happy you have a circle of friends you can trust and have your back now! x

    www.thedressdiaries.co.uk

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  6. These pictures are amazing. I've experienced one or two toxic friendships myself - it's difficult if you don't 109% fit the norm.

    http://ohduckydarling.com

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    1. Thanks Rosa! It's so difficult, but i'd much rather be 'unique', for sure! xxx

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  7. I'm relating so much to this! When friendships are bad it can be just as horrid as a bad romantic relationship but you're not 'supposed' to feel hurt and upset because it's 'just' a friendship so no one really talks about it. It's so hard when you don't really 'fit in' but to stand out isn't a bad thing at all - I mean look at you now! I'm so glad you have good people in your life, it can take time to find them but they're worth the wait x

    What Josie Did Next

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    1. Thank you so much Josie - glad you enjoyed the post! xxx

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