I'm 20 this year. I'm going to be 20.

As I think about that, pondering over where the hell my teen years went (seriously, I wasted those on some stupid things), I can't help but feel a little lost. I feel like I don't know who I am or who I'm meant to be.

Sure, I know my name: Holly Rebecca White, I know my hair is ginger, and red lipstick will always be my thing but, for some reason, looking at myself as a person, I can't figure out who I'm meant to be, or who I will be, as a 20 year old girl.


See how I used the word 'girl' there. Not 'woman' - I don't feel like I've hit womanhood yet.

I'm still an insecure teenager. I'm still young and learning. I'm still trying to find my feet - I have no idea what I'm doing.

Well, okay, maybe that's a little lie.

Of course I know that I'm a model and a blogger. My job is basically to be 'Me' all the time; to write about me, what I like, to shoot images of me and go to castings and be myself. But, who actually am I? Who will I be when I'm 20?

Am I still cute and giggly? Will people still want a 'fun' 'fresh' persona or are they going to start looking at me differently? Do I need to be sexier? Do I need to throw away every aspect of that 'teenager' that's still floating around within me? Do I need to change who I am?

These are the things that are making me lose myself.


I guess I do need to grow up a bit. I've always been stuck in the past due to the things I've been through - it was like time stopped for me but life kept going around me. I think I feel like it's 2016 and I'm still trying to live out my young 'care free' teens that I didn't necessarily feel like I had.

I guess I'd maybe like to be the kind of person that 'younger' 'teenage' Me needed. The kind of person I would have liked to look up to.

I'd like to be 'care free', like I wish I'd been during High School, but with a little bit of something more 'adult' and 'hot' thrown in there too.

I think I'm just seeking confidence.

But, I really don't know.

I have no idea.

I'm trying to figure out a balance between it all.

I want to grow up. I want to find my confidence - to be 'flirtatious' and 'fun'. I want to become a new 'got her shit together' version of me, but I don't want to lose who I am already in the process of that.



At the end of the day, I like 'Me'.

I'm friendly and kind and, surprisingly, I'm sometimes even funny.

I like the fact that I can make friends easily and people find me approachable. I like the fact that I'm open about things and willing to chat about anything and everything.

I don't want to become some mysterious 'sexy' persona who keeps themselves to themselves and is completely unapproachable. I don't want to be the complete opposite of who I am now.

I need to figure out how to be a bit of both - because that will be 'Me'; that will be 20 year old 'Me'.

"Be the person you needed when you were younger"

I think it's perfectly fine to still want to have a little bit of 'immaturity' left in me, as long as there's a little added 'sexiness' and '"hey, I earn my own money"' thrown in there too.

But, as I said, I just don't know. I'm in some kind of 'who am I?' 'what the fuck am I doing?' limbo.

I guess all I can do is grow up... but just not too much just yet - I can be who I am now, but do that whilst trying to find that confidence and self-esteem I think 20 year old 'Me' deserves.

It doesn't have to happen over-night, right?

Baby, It's Time To Grow Up


I'm 20 this year. I'm going to be 20.

As I think about that, pondering over where the hell my teen years went (seriously, I wasted those on some stupid things), I can't help but feel a little lost. I feel like I don't know who I am or who I'm meant to be.

Sure, I know my name: Holly Rebecca White, I know my hair is ginger, and red lipstick will always be my thing but, for some reason, looking at myself as a person, I can't figure out who I'm meant to be, or who I will be, as a 20 year old girl.


See how I used the word 'girl' there. Not 'woman' - I don't feel like I've hit womanhood yet.

I'm still an insecure teenager. I'm still young and learning. I'm still trying to find my feet - I have no idea what I'm doing.

Well, okay, maybe that's a little lie.

Of course I know that I'm a model and a blogger. My job is basically to be 'Me' all the time; to write about me, what I like, to shoot images of me and go to castings and be myself. But, who actually am I? Who will I be when I'm 20?

Am I still cute and giggly? Will people still want a 'fun' 'fresh' persona or are they going to start looking at me differently? Do I need to be sexier? Do I need to throw away every aspect of that 'teenager' that's still floating around within me? Do I need to change who I am?

These are the things that are making me lose myself.


I guess I do need to grow up a bit. I've always been stuck in the past due to the things I've been through - it was like time stopped for me but life kept going around me. I think I feel like it's 2016 and I'm still trying to live out my young 'care free' teens that I didn't necessarily feel like I had.

I guess I'd maybe like to be the kind of person that 'younger' 'teenage' Me needed. The kind of person I would have liked to look up to.

I'd like to be 'care free', like I wish I'd been during High School, but with a little bit of something more 'adult' and 'hot' thrown in there too.

I think I'm just seeking confidence.

But, I really don't know.

I have no idea.

I'm trying to figure out a balance between it all.

I want to grow up. I want to find my confidence - to be 'flirtatious' and 'fun'. I want to become a new 'got her shit together' version of me, but I don't want to lose who I am already in the process of that.



At the end of the day, I like 'Me'.

I'm friendly and kind and, surprisingly, I'm sometimes even funny.

I like the fact that I can make friends easily and people find me approachable. I like the fact that I'm open about things and willing to chat about anything and everything.

I don't want to become some mysterious 'sexy' persona who keeps themselves to themselves and is completely unapproachable. I don't want to be the complete opposite of who I am now.

I need to figure out how to be a bit of both - because that will be 'Me'; that will be 20 year old 'Me'.

"Be the person you needed when you were younger"

I think it's perfectly fine to still want to have a little bit of 'immaturity' left in me, as long as there's a little added 'sexiness' and '"hey, I earn my own money"' thrown in there too.

But, as I said, I just don't know. I'm in some kind of 'who am I?' 'what the fuck am I doing?' limbo.

I guess all I can do is grow up... but just not too much just yet - I can be who I am now, but do that whilst trying to find that confidence and self-esteem I think 20 year old 'Me' deserves.

It doesn't have to happen over-night, right?

Today is the day, it's officially the launch of Thomas Sabo's Generation Charm Club - reinventing the world of charms!



"I have enough jewellery" - Said no one, ever"

This is so exciting for me: Thomas Sabo are a brand that I truly just love collaborating with and I actually got to model this collection for them at the beginning of the year, which was super super cool.


This collection is all about reinventing the idea of charms and how charms are seen and worn. It was originally launched in 1995 you see, but, Thomas Sabo are looking to make a Charm Club revolution!

Charms are no longer fitting the idea of stereotypical friendship bracelets and sentimental gifting (although that's still the loveliest way to wear pieces like this), but are now used more for styling, have a more 'grown up' look, and are used for layering to add that little bit of something extra to your looks.

Larger charms have been thrown into the mix, meaning that the idea of charm necklaces (which are perfect for layering) rather than the usual bracelets, are coming into play.

That's something which I think is really really unique.



The idea of mixing metals is also something pretty new to the whole idea of charms too.

Usually, you'd never see a silver bracelet with gold charms or a gold bracelet with silver charms, but now, fashion and style is much more free, meaning you are free to mix and match as much as you like!

The same goes for the kind of charms you chose to wear.

For example, I chose a gorgeous vintage letter, a long with a larger moon charm and a gorgeous blue evil eye one too - all from different collections. There's no stopping you taking inspiration from different looks and pieces them all together into something that you love!



Long necklaces are also something new to the Charm Club. They're perfect paired with a group of charms to create a gorgeous 'boho' 'festival' vibe. Plus, there's such a wide selection of charms to chose from at Thomas Sabo - from star signs, to new symbols of love, happiness and nature and even personalized letter charms - there's something for every kind of person to work with!

So, if you're interested in being part of Generation Charm Club too, simply head on over to the Thomas Sabo website by clicking HERE and get creative with some charms yourself!

AD | Launching Generation Charm Club with Thomas Sabo


Today is the day, it's officially the launch of Thomas Sabo's Generation Charm Club - reinventing the world of charms!



"I have enough jewellery" - Said no one, ever"

This is so exciting for me: Thomas Sabo are a brand that I truly just love collaborating with and I actually got to model this collection for them at the beginning of the year, which was super super cool.


This collection is all about reinventing the idea of charms and how charms are seen and worn. It was originally launched in 1995 you see, but, Thomas Sabo are looking to make a Charm Club revolution!

Charms are no longer fitting the idea of stereotypical friendship bracelets and sentimental gifting (although that's still the loveliest way to wear pieces like this), but are now used more for styling, have a more 'grown up' look, and are used for layering to add that little bit of something extra to your looks.

Larger charms have been thrown into the mix, meaning that the idea of charm necklaces (which are perfect for layering) rather than the usual bracelets, are coming into play.

That's something which I think is really really unique.



The idea of mixing metals is also something pretty new to the whole idea of charms too.

Usually, you'd never see a silver bracelet with gold charms or a gold bracelet with silver charms, but now, fashion and style is much more free, meaning you are free to mix and match as much as you like!

The same goes for the kind of charms you chose to wear.

For example, I chose a gorgeous vintage letter, a long with a larger moon charm and a gorgeous blue evil eye one too - all from different collections. There's no stopping you taking inspiration from different looks and pieces them all together into something that you love!



Long necklaces are also something new to the Charm Club. They're perfect paired with a group of charms to create a gorgeous 'boho' 'festival' vibe. Plus, there's such a wide selection of charms to chose from at Thomas Sabo - from star signs, to new symbols of love, happiness and nature and even personalized letter charms - there's something for every kind of person to work with!

So, if you're interested in being part of Generation Charm Club too, simply head on over to the Thomas Sabo website by clicking HERE and get creative with some charms yourself!

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