I Owe You Nothing

14.10.18



























A thing I've come to realise
after so long of worrying and the indecisive thoughts
I owe you nothing 
I owe you nothing and I ought

I ought to think about myself more
consider other people's opinions less
as to, why does my value decrease?
just because to you I'm not your best

option
why should I be an option?
I am not a choice
You have me or you can hate me 
I'm entitled to my voice

sick
sick of being silent 
silencing my screams and the pain I've come to feel
forcing myself to be something, do something
being made to feel like I'm no longer real

numb
empty
as I let your hands grab me and take what you want 
my personality, my emotions, my passions
all they began to do was haunt

haunt me like a ghost
something I'd left behind
because I felt I owed you everything
everything, from my body to my mind

now, a different story
something I've come to realise
I truly owe you nothing
especially not the tears from my tired eyes

I truly owe you nothing
another person's taught me that
it's me or it is sweet fuck all
from the rolls on my stomach, to my nonsense I call 'chat'

I owe you nothing
I never did owe you a thing
as much as I felt I had to change, to mould, to melt into your needs 
I owe the world nothing
no more cries, worries or pleads

pleads 
to make someone love me
to make myself fit in
to make myself more 'perfect'
to make myself more thin

I owe you nothing
I never had to
I never did
I owe myself more than this
every stupid minute I wasted

waiting

waiting 
for someone to love me
even just my own mind
I owe myself more than this
to my body, to be kind

I owe myself more than this
I've torn myself apart
I owe myself nothing but
to go back to the very start

to have someone remind me
remind me of who I am 
to bring back everything I thought I owed the world 
and place it in my hands

to tell me I owe you nothing 
to cement it in my mind
I truly owe you nothing
I was completely. fucking. blind.

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