Remember in The Wizard of Oz where the cowardly Lion needed courage? Well, think of me as that Lion (hence the lion's mane in the photos). I wouldn't necessarily say I'm cowardly, I'd definitely say I'm a little anxious and a little bit scared of what people think and maybe just a little bit sensitive, but not quite that cowardly.

You see, for sooo long I just hid away and let myself be hurt. It didn't matter whether it was another person hurting me or me hurting myself - I just let it all happen. This year, I've really come into my own and I feel like I have some (emphasis on 'some') idea of what I'm doing, who I am and what I want to say.

In a previous post, I talked about the impact the simple act of wearing mascara has on me and I just want to touch on that again. For a long time I used make up as this mask to hide everything I was feeling. I'd whack on that mascara, stroll out the door and tell myself to act a certain way. I think this stems from the fact that I always want to please people and I guess people just expected a certain persona from me. Nowadays, I feel brave enough to post photos of myself bare faced, sit in front of a camera and film videos with no make up on and just give you my complete and utter honest self. And yes, that takes courage..

I often hear some people say that bloggers are vain because we take photos of ourselves and post them online. Well no.. it's more likely to be the complete opposite. I mean think about it, we sit at home and work behind a computer screen, a phone screen and all you really see is a photo or two popping up on your instagram feed. You're not seeing me standing in front of my mirror thinking 'bloody hell, when am I gonna be Kendall Jenner???', you're only seeing some of my best bits. Anyway, so what if I post 3 selfies a day? Why is that a bad thing? It doesn't make me vain, I guess it just means I've found a little confidence. A year ago I would never even post one photo of myself a week, never mind 3 a day haha, but that doesn't mean I'm vain now, it just means I'm happy to accept myself and show the world that that is me. 

Now if I'm completely honest, I've never really been that honest with people.. I never used to say how I felt or what I wanted. Now however, I just kind of think you've got to fight for what you want, do what you want to do and be who you want to be. For example, if you love someone, tell them; if you want to grow your hair, grow it; and if you want to be absolute loon, you be an absolute loon! I don't see what should be holding us back, you know? 

I've spent so much of my life (yes my very short life but ya know) worrying, over analysing and being concerned with what other people will think and well, I just had to change that. Look at me now! I'm a 17 year old, pale, ginger, quirky girl who sits behind her laptop typing away every open and honest thought she thinks, who talks to a camera and posts it on-line and sometimes posts 3 photos of herself a day and has crazy ambitions, who will text a boy first, who will get crazy drunk with her friends and who is basically living and worrying a HELL of a lot less...

Don't get me wrong, this has taken me so long to achieve. I used to despise everything about me. Yes, I definitely still have down days and wish I was someone else sometimes... but do you know what else I do? I dance around my room in my under wear to Neon Trees and I tell people how I feel and I act how I want to act and it's sooooo freaking liberating! Sometimes you've just got to have that courage and go for it, no matter what it might be (safety first of course...) 

Especially recently, I've just got this weird overwhelming sense of self and a lot of independence - there are so many things I want to do career wise, life wise...everything wise and I just finally have the courage to go for it. It's made me a stronger person, for sure... and hopefully if you can dig deep and find some fight in yourself, you can do the same. I never thought that I'd be comfortable in my own skin or feel like I'd want to move out and live alone (I don't, I live at home haha) at the age of 17 but you know, things can surprise you and surprises can be pretty damn good..