I am currently feeling very overwhelmed. I don't think I have ever been this busy before in my life. I've got blog collabs coming out of my ears, modelling jobs and castings to go to, and test shoot after test shoot to organise.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to complain. I know how incredibly lucky I am to be in the position that I am in. However, that doesn't mean to say that it can't all feel like 'too much' sometimes.

I get photographers messaging me on a weekly basis, asking me to test, telling me to contact the next time I'm down in London and sometimes it all just feels very difficult to try and organise it. I've currently got 7 people on my 'Photographers To Test With' to do list and not a lot of money in my bank. Some photographers are lovely and often offer to help with my travel, but more often than not, I fork out a load of cash for a ticket to London, or Birmingham, or somewhere else and it's just hard on my purse strings, you know? Plus the fact that a lot of the time that I'm in London, I've often been invited to do blogging things too. I might have been invited to an event or asked to have a meeting, or, on the modelling side of things again, I might actually have booked a job or have a casting to go to, so I don't always have the time to schedule in a shoot.

It's not that I don't WANT to shoot, because I do. And, this is what I worry about. I don't want these photographers to think I'm stringing them along or never going to shoot with them, it's just that I can't seem to find any time to do so, and since I've promised so many people as well, it's difficult to know who to contact first.

Now, with blog collabs I suppose I have a little more control.

Since I work from home, blogging is a lot easier to organise. I often shoot in my bedroom, or find somewhere really close by, where I can set up my tripod or balance my camera. However, the thing is, if I did that for every collaboration, my photos would constantly be the same. There would be no difference or variation between my looks or images, and as someone who's trying to turn this into their career, I think it's important that I show range and that I'm constantly improving, right?

I also don't want the brands I work with to all basically get the same images. I want them to have something unique that I've come up with, something that they'll cherish and that's just for them.

It's difficult to constantly have someone to help me shoot photos though. My parents aren't always free, neither are my friends and I can't always have a photographer help me, unless I'm willing to travel somewhere most of the time, or if I happen to be in London and another blogger wants to help me.

It's just a lot of pressure, to constantly be churning out amazing images and content, especially when you're already feeling under pressure with deadlines and things.

Another thing is, recently, I've also been booking a lot more modelling jobs and receiving a lot more castings too. This, of course, is amazing, don't get me wrong, but it's hard to now try and balance that along with my ever-growing pile of work I need to do for my blog (we all know that god forsaken corner of a bloggers room that's filled with blogger mail or clothes they need to shoot).

The point of this post is, not just a total splurge of my inner stress, but to talk about how my busyness is making me feel like a bad friend, or at least a bad person.

I've always been someone who wants to please people, help people, be on time and work with them. I don't like letting people down or saying 'no'. But these days, I'm constantly working. I'm writing, emailing, photographing, shooting, attending, travelling, meeting and being creative all the bloody time, and it has meant that I lose track of things, sometimes forget to text my friends, reply to Instagram DMs, check in on them, have a chat, and it makes me feel terrible.


"Sometimes just being here is an overwhelming responsibility."

I know that there's that saying that goes something like: "there's no such thing as 'too busy', if you want to do something, you can make the time', and as much as I do think that is very true, I also think sometimes it's really bloody hard to do that. It literally feels impossible.

I don't want people to think that I don't care or don't love them. I adore the people in my life, but my life is suddenly taking off. I'm suddenly on this new journey and career path, a much busier journey and career path, and it's so hard to juggle everything.

I'm not used to people wanting or needing me. I am not used to having people arrange meetings, or wanting to shoot or meet for coffee. This all started with just me, myself and I, and I'm only just starting to work out how to let other people in too.

So, I guess what I want to say is that, if you're a photographer, a brand or my friend, please know that I'm trying my hardest to get things done, to do absolutely everything on my to do lists, to reply to texts and emails and to arrange and pay for trips down to London or wherever else. It might take me a while, but I'll get round to it all, I'm determined to!

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