Today is a Monday morning and it's a new day.

Today I am waking up, and for the first time in a while, I'm not giving up.

I'm exhausted with the pain I'm causing myself; I'm exhausted by the way I've been feeling; I'm exhausted by the thought of how things used to be.

I'm just exhausted by it all.

I don't want to feel like this anymore.

After weeks and weeks of ups and downs, today is a day where I forget about everything else that has happened. I forget about the things I've done, the things I've felt and the person I used to be.

Today, I move on. I move on as a person who wants to be happy, to be 'normal' and to live, rather than just existing in a whirlwind of crazy emotions all the time.

Today I take time to breathe: I'll do things I'll enjoy, I'll even do new things I've never done before.

Today is a new day for me.

A new clean page.

Who knows? Maybe I'll even stick on a sassy outfit, like I'm wearing here, and make myself feel all empowered and confident? Maybe I'll grab for my red lipstick and do my hair all pretty and nice? Maybe I'll sit and drink a cup of tea and binge watch a bit of The Big Bang Theory?

Either way, I'm just going to do whatever makes me feel okay.

I just want to feel at peace.

I want to not worry anymore.

I've spent far too long now caring about what people think.

I want to wear what I want, act how I want, live how I want, without constant worry over the affects or people's opinions.

I just want freedom from my thoughts.

"The change you want to see around you can only come when there is change within you."

So, if I want to stick on a bold pair of velvet knee high boots, or channel a bit of Sophia Amoruso in my Nasty Gal jacket, then I will. And, if I want to sit around in my pyjamas all day, then I'll do that too. That's the way I want it to be.

And I guess (not to start referencing the past), I just miss when fashion made me feel free, when life made me feel free. I miss when style was my way of expression and my way of saying 'I don't give a crap' or when I'd just be well and truly myself.

But, today is a new day.

Today is a clean page.

I'm going to put on a outfit I love, do what makes me happy, and I'm not going to give a crap.