I don't like hating people.

I don't like hating things.

I don't like 'hate' as a concept altogether.

"I have tried loving less, but that hurts the same."

Okay, don't get me wrong here, I really don't like.... let's say... celery, for example.

Celery, to me, does not taste good. To me, celery is the worst possible food I could think about eating, the worst possible food I could be offered and, to be honest, the worst possible food to probably be on this planet. But, regardless of that, I don't hate it... I dislike it. 

Hate is such a strong word, and celery has never done anything wrong to me.


DRESS - CHARITY SHOP

You might be thinking, 'Dear god Hol, is this what it's come to? You're writing about celery?', and well, yeah, I am... but there's more to it than that.

The point I'm trying to get at here is: I don't enjoy the process of emoting hate. I will avoid it at all costs and do anything to keep things happy.

I will bend over backwards, won't rock the boat, and simply just settle, just to keep harmony and peace in my life. I will agree to things, believe things, listen to things, purely to keep my heart at ease - purely to keep hatred out of my body.

Hate is too difficult. Hate is too awful. Hate is too painful, and I just don't like it.


JUMPER - VINTAGE

People have done things to me in life that I should probably hate them for. I should probably want to scream and shout, and run off into the hills never to be seen again. I should probably want to kick and punch and fight people, or become some crazy keyboard warrior and terrorize people for the rest of my life, but... I can't do that.

As much as I can be angry for a little while, feel sick to my stomach, or hurt by something, I can't spend the rest of my life carrying 'hate' around with me - it's just exhausting.

It's easier for me, and my life, to just try and see the positives. To try and see the happy, and the love, and the laughter.

It's easier for me if things are simpler, if things don't get so tangled up in some hateful mess.

I want to be at peace.

The only thing I want to go around hating is 'hate' itself.



Sure, I can't deny I've used the word 'hate' to describe my emotions towards things, especially how I feel about myself and my appearance, but I'm learning to change that. I'm learning that it's so much nicer to be kind to myself, happy about the things around me, loving all the small moments in life I have... even when everything feels like it's going completely wrong and my life is going to shit (lol).

I don't want to live a toxic, drama-filled, life. I just want to be happy.

I really just want to be happy.

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