So, it's safe to say this year has left me feeling a little 'lost' with myself. I feel like I've fallen from the sky, hit a million obstacles on my way down, still not managing to find my feet on the ground yet - I'm simply not myself right now, and, as much as that's not okay... it's going to be.

I'm hoping the new year can be a fresh start for me. I'm hoping I can focus on myself again, finally, and get myself back to where I'd like to be.

I've been swirling round in a whirlpool of worry for more than 12 months now, and that's simply not the life I want to be living.

Hands down, I am determined to make 2019 a good, successful and happy year for myself, and I've got myself a good list of goals I'd like to achieve already written down and calmly placed in my brain, so I thought I may as well share it on here too!

1. A Healthy Relationship With Food, Exercise & My Body Image

One of my biggest struggles during 2018 has been my relapse with my eating disorders.

To be honest with you guys, it all kind of began last year, but it really hit me hard throughout the entirety of 2018.

You see, I'm a born binge eater - I am a food obsessor. Once I'm hooked on addictive foods, there's a feeling of 'no going back'. I could sit and eat a shit tonne of food for weeks and weeks on end. I love stuffing my face with chocolate and cheese and any food I can get my hands on. It's a truly terrible habit-forming cycle. The reality is, it's a temporary painkiller - it'll numb all of my hurt and my stress for a small moment, but then leaves me with masses of guilt and self-hate, causing any ounce of confidence I have to just completely crumble. The same goes for when I decide to starve myself. I can go a week living off super low amounts of calories, restricting myself to water fasts and other crazy ideas, but it just leaves me feeling weak and agitated... and let's not forget, completely ravinous, so I just end up binging all over again.

I want to get out of the cycle. I want to get back to my healthy balanced diet. I want to get back to when I had just the right balance of self control and allowing myself to have fun (oh god, how I miss 2016).

Along side with that, comes my relationship with myself too. I feel so much better when I don't have the heavy guilt of binge eating on my shoulders, or the worry of crying over calories. I can simply just live with myself as content as I can possibly be and work with that - that's all I'd love to get back to honestly.

BUT, even then I still never feel like the best version of myself, so I want to get myself back into exercise and working out too. I want to feel the endorphins I used to feel after the gym or fall back in love with dancing again. I want to get myself into a life full of healthy habits, rather than truly toxic ones.

This is probably the most important thing to me.

2. Model More & Maybe Get Signed To Some New Agencies Abroad Too

I feel like I've not been as successful as I'd have liked to have been this year. Sure, I've had some amazing opportunities, but I haven't quite 'killed it' like I would honestly want to.

I'd love to book more jobs next year - I want to throw myself back into the thing that I love, since I feel like I have sadly drifted out of it, due to my bad mental health. I want to spend more time in London, in new places, meeting new people. I want to pursue what I've been trying to pursue properly for years.

It'd be great to get myself signed to some agencies abroad too - I would love to go and work with new people, in new countries and learn new languages/cultures. I feel like that's the next big step for me.

3. Make My Blog A Real 'Big Girl' Business

Now, don't get me wrong, my blog has been my own business for 4 years now, but I've never really got myself clued up on the best ways to run it.

I've let myself be clueless when it comes to money - constantly being underpaid and walked all over - as well as not really concentrating on the best way to pitch ideas and get my content out there. BUT, now I've got my game face on...

I've been spending time already, filling my brain with knowledge, chatting to other bloggers, reaching out to brands, and, do you know what? I feel like I know my shit. I finally don't feel like a little lost lamb in a herd of sheep anymore.

Next year I'm hoping to be the most 'business orientated' I've ever been.

4. Move Out OR Pass My Driving Test

I've wanted to move out into the city for a long time now.

As much as I love living at home, I've been secluded to working in my bedroom for 4 years, and it'd be great to have my own space to finally separate work from my down time.

If moving out doesn't go to plan (at the end of the day, I'm not made of money), then I'd love to at least pass my driving test.

I kind of gave up on driving this year, but I would really love to be able to have the independence to drive myself to places, get to shoots, see my friends, which is currently an absolute nightmare to do when I have to deal with Northern Rail on a weekly basis (if you know, you know).

At least if I'm not living in the city like I'd want to be, I'd be able to drive myself there!

5. Happiness

I would sum up this year with the word... 'painful'. 2018 has been a 'painful' year for me.

There's been so many obstacles, even right up to the start of December, and I'm simply just hoping that 2019 can be a much happier year for me.

And, to be honest, I have no doubt that it will be. I mean, I have my goals set out, I feel calm about them, I have an amazing family, amazing friends and get to go into the new year with the love of my life.

I get to start this next year in a happy place, which can only lead to good things. ♥

There you have it, those are my 5 simple goals for the new year ahead. Let me know what kind of goals you have for the new year and whether we have any similar ones. I'd love to hear what you guys have planned for 2019 too!