I promised myself that in 2020 I would write more openly again, and what better way to start it off than with an amazing campaign surrounding Boob Positivity.

I've teamed up with Knicker Locker to discuss my self confidence, as well as my insecurities, surrounding my breasts. And, as many of you know, it's definitely been an up and down journey for me.

*this post is part of a gifted collaboration with kicker locker*

I was never comfortable within myself growing up. I hit puberty a lot earlier than others, meaning I had boobs a lot quicker than others too. I always felt like an odd one out because of it. I'd always be comparing myself to everyone else.

I think high school is a really hard time in terms of that. Everyone is growing and maturing at their own rate, and it can be difficult not to start comparing yourself to others who may not have begun the process as soon as you.

I remember my breasts becoming bigger, my body changing, the hormones kicking in, and yet still being surrounded by a lot of girls who remained slim, petite and graceful, whilst I felt like a huge bumpy hormone monster that just didn't quite fit the bill.

I mean, I've always had a weird relationship with my boobs. Most of the time I'm incredibly unhappy with them - I'm embarrassed by them. And, especially with the world we live in, my mind has been constantly bombarded with these images of perky, perfect breasts over the years, and I can't say that mine have felt like they've ever fit that 'ideal' criteria.

I've yo-yod between wanting bigger and smaller breasts. I've been to discuss breast augmentation twice in my life, but never gone through with it, for various reasons. There's something about changing them which both scares yet excites me. 

It's weird how over the years I've slowly become more accepting of myself, but my boobs have always taken a bit of back seat with it all. I've never really accepted them like I have with everything else.

I do think that's because it's only in the past year that this idea of 'perfect breasts' has begun to be more talked about. Only in the last year or so have I began to see other women embracing themselves and their breasts, of all shapes and sizes, loud and proud.

I wish I'd seen more of that growing up.

It's been eye opening, even as someone who's well past the puberty stage and heading further and further into my 20's, to finally understand that boobs are not a 'one fits all' kind of thing. Everyone is unique, everyone's breasts are unique and that's really kind of... reassuring, I guess.

"she is slowly beginning to find peace in knowing she is beautiful and she is growing right here as she is"

The last year has been like magic for me in terms of accepting my breasts as a part of me. They're not my favourite thing, sure, but seeing other people embrace themselves has encouraged me to do so too.

So, yeah, my outlook has definitely changed. I don't feel so alone with the lack of confidence I have in my breasts anymore. I always felt like I was the only person out there who's breasts weren't super perky and 'perfect', but there's a lot of support (if you pardon the pun) around that now.

I guess, as hard as it can be in this day and age, we just have to try and learn to love ourselves. We're all unique, and so are our boobs, so we need to just embrace who we are and what we have. I think there's such a stigma around breasts and this constant image, which can just be so unattainable sometimes. It's just nice to know that that 'perfect' image is being broadened, slowly but surely.

I hope one day I figure out how to accept them fully, whether it is a case of changing them with breast augmentation, or simply leaving them be and loving them for what they are... but for now, I'm sat somewhere on the fence in the middle, and I'm okay with that.

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