Okay, I Think I Love Myself

21.3.18


Well... if that self-indulgent title didn't give it away already, I'm just going to warn you now, this blog post is going to be very much centered all around ME.

That's right, get ready to ready for me to drool over myself, and my new growing self-love, and to let you in on all my little secrets and how I've gone about changing my perception of myself too.

It's been one hell of a ride guys.

But, here we go...



Around 3 weeks ago now, for the first time in 4 years, I just forgot to count my calories one day. Unfortunately, despite everything else I'd overcome eating disorder-wise, this had always been one habit that I could just not drop. However, since that one day where I forgot to do it, I haven't done it since, and MY LORD, do I feel free!

I thought this would be something I would have in my life forever, I thought I'd always have My Fitness Pal downloaded on my phone, and I thought I'd always be logging every calorie I had every. single. day.

But, for some reason, I just didn't go back to doing it. I didn't even bother to open that annoying little app up on my phone, or even seem to panic over that tiny calorie label on whatever I was eating... I just didn't care anymore.

I only noticed the fact I hadn't done it when it got to a week later.

I found myself listening to my body more, noticing hunger cues, feeling 'full' and knowing I was 'full'. I stopped just eating for the sake of eating. I stopped restricting or depriving myself of foods I craved. I just began to look at food very differently... and I think that's one of the best things that's ever happened to me... and I have no idea where it came from.

It's a difficult thing when I think about it really, but I don't think I ever want to go back to revolving my life around numbers again.



Over the past couple of weeks, something that has also changed, is the way that I am trying to view myself. (This is a tough one, trust me)

Sure, I'm not some tight, toned, petite and perfect model, I'm wobbly in places and have scars and stretch marks, and my body has kind of been through hell and back over the past few years, but that's MY body. MY body isn't going to suddenly turn into someone else's, no matter how much I might want it to.

I'm learning to appreciate the skin that I'm in. No, I may not love it, but I appreciate it. This body keeps me alive, keeps me going each day, and this body holds my laughter - my memories - and I have to thank it for that.

All I can do with this body is work on it, to make it a body I am comfortable with. All I can do is take the time to workout, to feed myself well and to mold it into something I am more than grateful for.

That's all I can do right now.


"To fall in love with yourself is the beginning of a life long romance."

I've been trying to remind myself of how amazing I am each day too.

This probably sounds like the most 'vain' and 'self indulgent' thing ever, but trust me, after a while, it really starts to work.

When people compliment me, I try not to brush it off... I say 'thank you' and I remind myself of that compliment when I'm feeling down or like I can't pull myself together.

I have people around me who love me, and that's been something that's been made more evident than ever over the past few weeks or so. And, well, those people love me for a reason, and I need to start loving myself for those reasons too.

So, yeah... I'm pretty amazing, ask my friends.



Getting out the house has done me wonders, or even just distracting myself with work and seeing friends - these things stop me over analyzing myself; they stop me going on a downward spiral into my self-loathing pit of despair.

Simple things like taking myself out on a little walk, or traipsing into Manchester just for my Costa Caramel Latte, have kept my mind at ease, kept my mind away from bad thoughts, and it's been good for me.

Plus, I have a re-ignited love for taking self-portraits too, and that's one thing that has really built my confidence up.

Taking great pictures of myself, looking at them and loving them is such an amazing feeling.

PLEASE DO IT TOO. IT'S SOOOO GOOD FOR THE SOUL.



Last but not least, it's actually a book that's really been a big part of my life over the past few months.

It's 'Happy - The Journal' by Fearne Cotton, and writing in it each day is such a big help with my mood and feelings.

There was one section where I had to write out a love letter to myself, all about the things I liked about 'Me'... and, honestly, it just made me realise, I'm really not that bad after all.

So, here's mine for you to read (maybe after reading this, you can write yours down too!):

"Dear Me, 

You're a brave person. You battle with a lot, and I'm proud of you for that.
I love your red hair and your freckles, and your laugh might be weird and goofy, but I wouldn't change it for the world.
You work hard and try new things, always hoping to improve yourself. I just want you to truly love yourself and everything you do one day.

You're a good person."

"Today I am unraveling, and it's all kinds of beautiful."

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10 comments

  1. You are glowing so much in these pictures and it makes me so happy to read that you've reached such an amazing point with your body!! Keep going gal!!!

    Lucy Jane | Infinity of Fashion

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  2. This is such a lovely post. Well done and keep going :) x

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  3. you look bloody incredible (I mean as always BUT STILL!!!) can 100% see this shoot in magazines etc as a loungewear/lingerie campaign. I'm so proud and equally so happy that your self-love is growing, like a lot of things is all about your mindset, it's a long, slow journey, but shifting your outlook has huge changes gradually. much love sweet pea, never stop telling yourself how amazing you are!! xxxx

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    1. Thank you so much Kat! That's so kind of you! SO MUCH LOVE FOR YOU xxx

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  4. aww, Holly, this post actually got me a little teary eyed! I'm so so happy to hear you doing so well. Hell yes girl love yourself! I think it's something we all have a hard time doing and it's so inspiring to hear you embracing yourself!

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    1. Aw lovely, thank you! It's definitely hard to do, but so empowering! xxx

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  5. I Love the idea of writing myself a Love Letter. This sounds quiet amazing. In my opinion you could add so much more at yours, yeah I don't know you in "Reallife" but you wrote so much things here (over the time)... All over it makes ME Happy that you're at a Point where you can write such nice and lovely things about yourself!
    Love,
    Antomia

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Antonia! Writing a love letter is a really nice concept, isn't it? I'm sure over time, I'll be able to add more and more, I hope! xx

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