It's been a long time since I've been able to say I've not been into the city. I'm someone who's regularly back-and-to to Manchester, London or wherever, and I'm basically always on the move. I never normally have the time to sit at home and rest up like I have done this year. Yet, 2020 threw me in a spin and held me hostage to my home village of grass, horses and local pubs, and it's now been 5 months since I've seen my favourite place and all it's hustle and bustle. Soon, however, I'm heading back to work and I'll hopefully be comforted by my old routine in doing so. Honestly, I just can't actually wait to have my normality back again.

DRESS - GHOSPELL [GIFTED]

It's strange to think that I've not been into Manchester for such a long period of time. Manchester has always felt like home to me, sometimes even more than my actual home does. It feels like somewhere I can just 'be'. I can walk round there, no fear of who I am or what people think. It's where my friendships began, where my relationship began, it's the place that sparked that feeling of 'self' when I felt completely lost.

Not only that, but it's a place filled with so much opportunity and excitement for me. It's a place with something new around every corner and it's crazy how much inspiration you can find there. I love that about city life.

I think as much as I love my home comforts, my own company, my own space and privacy of home, I really do feel like I thrive more when surrounded by the busy streets and the bumping into friends that the city always offers me. I've been longing for coffee dates with pals as we both finish our morning shifts, and I've even been reminiscing the slow walkers on Market Street as I'm trying to race myself down to the Zara sale. It's weird that such little things that can make such a big difference to how I feel, but god I've forgotten how much a city can excite me.

SHOES - TOPSHOP

One thing I've missed more than anything is the creative freedom the city brings. I've missed the tall buildings and the retro cafes in the Northern Quarter. I've missed stepping off the train and having a dreamy backdrop right in front of me or the ability to stop and take a picture no matter where I am. I've missed graffiti on walls and music from bars filling the streets, even just the simple things like noticing the little huddles of people having their lunch breaks in Cathedral Gardens. The city is the place where my creative spark flies, and to be reunited with Manchester, after 5 long months of quiet village life, will be just what I've been needing.

So, yeah, here's to a little slice of normality again and goodbye to the long 5 months that have kept me and my favourite city apart. ♥

Shop the post:

• 8/08/2020
• Lifestyle

To Be Reunited With The City

It's been a long time since I've been able to say I've not been into the city. I'm someone who's regularly back-and-to to Manchester, London or wherever, and I'm basically always on the move. I never normally have the time to sit at home and rest up like I have done this year. Yet, 2020 threw me in a spin and held me hostage to my home village of grass, horses and local pubs, and it's now been 5 months since I've seen my favourite place and all it's hustle and bustle. Soon, however, I'm heading back to work and I'll hopefully be comforted by my old routine in doing so. Honestly, I just can't actually wait to have my normality back again.

DRESS - GHOSPELL [GIFTED]

It's strange to think that I've not been into Manchester for such a long period of time. Manchester has always felt like home to me, sometimes even more than my actual home does. It feels like somewhere I can just 'be'. I can walk round there, no fear of who I am or what people think. It's where my friendships began, where my relationship began, it's the place that sparked that feeling of 'self' when I felt completely lost.

Not only that, but it's a place filled with so much opportunity and excitement for me. It's a place with something new around every corner and it's crazy how much inspiration you can find there. I love that about city life.

I think as much as I love my home comforts, my own company, my own space and privacy of home, I really do feel like I thrive more when surrounded by the busy streets and the bumping into friends that the city always offers me. I've been longing for coffee dates with pals as we both finish our morning shifts, and I've even been reminiscing the slow walkers on Market Street as I'm trying to race myself down to the Zara sale. It's weird that such little things that can make such a big difference to how I feel, but god I've forgotten how much a city can excite me.

SHOES - TOPSHOP

One thing I've missed more than anything is the creative freedom the city brings. I've missed the tall buildings and the retro cafes in the Northern Quarter. I've missed stepping off the train and having a dreamy backdrop right in front of me or the ability to stop and take a picture no matter where I am. I've missed graffiti on walls and music from bars filling the streets, even just the simple things like noticing the little huddles of people having their lunch breaks in Cathedral Gardens. The city is the place where my creative spark flies, and to be reunited with Manchester, after 5 long months of quiet village life, will be just what I've been needing.

So, yeah, here's to a little slice of normality again and goodbye to the long 5 months that have kept me and my favourite city apart. ♥

Shop the post:

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I love discovering new beauty brands - I feel like there are so many out there that sometimes I get stuck in my ways of using the same old products even if they aren't quite working for me anymore. When a new brand enters my life, I often begin apprehensive to try things, simply out of the fear of change (and the potential of an inevitable break-out), but I normally end up finding a new product or two that feels like it should have been part of my routine all along.

I was kindly sent a bunch of goodies from Code8 recently - they're a London-born brand who have set out to challenge the codes of make-up and change the beauty industry. They believe make-up is there to express all beauty ideals, regardless of age, skin colour and look preferences, and I think that's really great! Their aim is to simplify make-up and allow people to develop their own individual style in beauty.

As someone who finds make-up to be a little daunting sometimes (I still use my hands to apply 90% of my products to my face and have been using the same brand of concealer since I was 16, ooops), a brand that can simplify beauty and provide a range of products that suit every undertone is like a dream for me!

PRODUCTS - CODE8 [GIFTED]

Today, I wanted to talk you through some of the products from Code8 beauty that I've already fallen in love with. I'm sure I'll be back to chat about the rest once I've had chance to give everything a whirl!

If you have any Code8 recommendations for me to try, let me know - I'm really loving the brand so far.

SEAMLESS COVER PERFECTING CONCEALER - CODE8

Seamless Cover Perfecting Concealer

Out of everything that Code8 sent over, this is my favourite product so far. As I mentioned, I've always used the same old concealer - returning to it after trying others and not getting the same coverage or colour match - but this one was a product I fell in love with after the first use.

I have a lot of scars and marks mixed in with my freckly complexion from previous breakouts, and this concealer manages to cover them so seamlessly (I guess that's why it's got that name haha). It's enriched with Glucan Bipolymers to smooth skin and is perfectly build-able depending on the amount of coverage you need. It also last all day long without turning cakey - something I've found a lot of other concealers tend to do.

COLOUR BRILLIANCE LIPSTICK - CODE8

Colour Brilliance Lipstick

We all know I'm a lipstick gal, and lipsticks are probably the product that I try out the most when trialing new brands. I received the shade 'La Piscine' in Code8's Colour Brilliant Lipstick and it is just the perfect, barely-there, nude beige shade.

These lipsticks have a creamy formula, using a blend of  hydrating oils and waxes, are paraben free and are also super long lasting too!

BRONZE SUMMER GLOW - CODE8

Bronze Summer Glow Powder

2020 has truly been the year of the bronze for me. I never used to wear a bronzed look at all, but nowadays it's my daily make-up routine and I'm obsessed with a golden glow!

Code8's Bronze Summer Glow Powder is perfect for giving you that natural sun-kissed glow (even if you live in the rainy North West, like me - fake it till you make it baby haha). It contains finely milled particles that mimic your natural complexion and it can be used all over the face on top of your foundation and contour.

I love to apply mine after moisturizing and over my concealer for a lovely day-to-day glow!

Shop more of Code8 Beauty Below:

• 8/04/2020
• Beauty

Code8 Beauty

I love discovering new beauty brands - I feel like there are so many out there that sometimes I get stuck in my ways of using the same old products even if they aren't quite working for me anymore. When a new brand enters my life, I often begin apprehensive to try things, simply out of the fear of change (and the potential of an inevitable break-out), but I normally end up finding a new product or two that feels like it should have been part of my routine all along.

I was kindly sent a bunch of goodies from Code8 recently - they're a London-born brand who have set out to challenge the codes of make-up and change the beauty industry. They believe make-up is there to express all beauty ideals, regardless of age, skin colour and look preferences, and I think that's really great! Their aim is to simplify make-up and allow people to develop their own individual style in beauty.

As someone who finds make-up to be a little daunting sometimes (I still use my hands to apply 90% of my products to my face and have been using the same brand of concealer since I was 16, ooops), a brand that can simplify beauty and provide a range of products that suit every undertone is like a dream for me!

PRODUCTS - CODE8 [GIFTED]

Today, I wanted to talk you through some of the products from Code8 beauty that I've already fallen in love with. I'm sure I'll be back to chat about the rest once I've had chance to give everything a whirl!

If you have any Code8 recommendations for me to try, let me know - I'm really loving the brand so far.

SEAMLESS COVER PERFECTING CONCEALER - CODE8

Seamless Cover Perfecting Concealer

Out of everything that Code8 sent over, this is my favourite product so far. As I mentioned, I've always used the same old concealer - returning to it after trying others and not getting the same coverage or colour match - but this one was a product I fell in love with after the first use.

I have a lot of scars and marks mixed in with my freckly complexion from previous breakouts, and this concealer manages to cover them so seamlessly (I guess that's why it's got that name haha). It's enriched with Glucan Bipolymers to smooth skin and is perfectly build-able depending on the amount of coverage you need. It also last all day long without turning cakey - something I've found a lot of other concealers tend to do.

COLOUR BRILLIANCE LIPSTICK - CODE8

Colour Brilliance Lipstick

We all know I'm a lipstick gal, and lipsticks are probably the product that I try out the most when trialing new brands. I received the shade 'La Piscine' in Code8's Colour Brilliant Lipstick and it is just the perfect, barely-there, nude beige shade.

These lipsticks have a creamy formula, using a blend of  hydrating oils and waxes, are paraben free and are also super long lasting too!

BRONZE SUMMER GLOW - CODE8

Bronze Summer Glow Powder

2020 has truly been the year of the bronze for me. I never used to wear a bronzed look at all, but nowadays it's my daily make-up routine and I'm obsessed with a golden glow!

Code8's Bronze Summer Glow Powder is perfect for giving you that natural sun-kissed glow (even if you live in the rainy North West, like me - fake it till you make it baby haha). It contains finely milled particles that mimic your natural complexion and it can be used all over the face on top of your foundation and contour.

I love to apply mine after moisturizing and over my concealer for a lovely day-to-day glow!

Shop more of Code8 Beauty Below:

Read more »

Happy Sunday everyone! I hope you're all having a lovely start to your August!

We're 8 months into the year but, honestly, I think I'm still mentally still in March, which feels so odd. Does anyone else feel like NYE was about 3 months ago? I still vividly remember counting down to midnight and being excited for a new decade haha.

Anyway, I'm not hear to talk you through the months of the year, I'm actually chatting about jewellery!

As you may know, I'm an absolute magpie for gold jewellery. It's weird because I never used to be an accessories person, at all, but nowadays you won't find me leaving the house without a pair of earrings, a necklace and a stack of rings on my fingers!

EARRINGS - MEJURI [GIFTED]

So, in the spirit of that, I thought today I'd curate a little edit all about gold chunky hoops, inspired by this gorgeous pair I recently received from Mejuri.

I mean, I just love a gold hoop - they're the perfect piece to dress up or down and literally go with any kind of look - so I thought they were a nice piece to focus on.

As always, let me know if anything catches your eye and enjoy shopping!

• 8/02/2020
• Fashion

Chunky Gold Hoops

Happy Sunday everyone! I hope you're all having a lovely start to your August!

We're 8 months into the year but, honestly, I think I'm still mentally still in March, which feels so odd. Does anyone else feel like NYE was about 3 months ago? I still vividly remember counting down to midnight and being excited for a new decade haha.

Anyway, I'm not hear to talk you through the months of the year, I'm actually chatting about jewellery!

As you may know, I'm an absolute magpie for gold jewellery. It's weird because I never used to be an accessories person, at all, but nowadays you won't find me leaving the house without a pair of earrings, a necklace and a stack of rings on my fingers!

EARRINGS - MEJURI [GIFTED]

So, in the spirit of that, I thought today I'd curate a little edit all about gold chunky hoops, inspired by this gorgeous pair I recently received from Mejuri.

I mean, I just love a gold hoop - they're the perfect piece to dress up or down and literally go with any kind of look - so I thought they were a nice piece to focus on.

As always, let me know if anything catches your eye and enjoy shopping!

Read more »

JACKET - ASOS // TOP - MANGO // TROUSERS - NASTY GAL // BAG - HVISK [GIFTED]

Hey everyone! How are things with you guys? The fact that we're 8 months into 2020 is kind of crazy, isn't it? I just can't wrap my head around it! 

Anyway, this post has nothing to do with the accelerating speed of this crazy year, but is actually all about cropped jackets and some that I have been eyeing up lately. I've had a browse for everything from denim pieces, to blazers and popped a few below for you guys to have a browse through.

As always, let me know if anything catches your eye, or if there are that you have seen yourself that I should take a look at!

• 7/31/2020
• Fashion

The Cropped Jacket Edit

JACKET - ASOS // TOP - MANGO // TROUSERS - NASTY GAL // BAG - HVISK [GIFTED]

Hey everyone! How are things with you guys? The fact that we're 8 months into 2020 is kind of crazy, isn't it? I just can't wrap my head around it! 

Anyway, this post has nothing to do with the accelerating speed of this crazy year, but is actually all about cropped jackets and some that I have been eyeing up lately. I've had a browse for everything from denim pieces, to blazers and popped a few below for you guys to have a browse through.

As always, let me know if anything catches your eye, or if there are that you have seen yourself that I should take a look at!

Read more »

So, I did a thing! After not having a hair cut since Christmas, I was desperately craving some change. I used every inch of my willpower, over the past few months of lockdown, to resist the urge to chop my own locks into some Marianne-esque look (which I know we've all been desperate to do ever since the release of Normal People), so when those salons opened again I just had to finally do it, but with an actual professional in control of the scissors, of course.

It's crazy how much a hair cut can lift your mood and your confidence. I'd gotten to a point where I just felt so lost looking at myself, and all of my confidence had dwindled. I had become and absolute hermit and my hair showed it. This hair cut has been like a new lease of life, as dramatic as that sounds, but it's true!

Anyway, moving on from haircuts and all that jazz, I haven't got too much to fill you in on. The last few weeks have been spent venturing out a little more, reuniting with friends and finally having a drink or two (or six) in a pub again.

It's really nice to be able to see people after all this time, and it's weird how little things have changed. I thought things would feel super different, but it's like slipping on an old comfortable pair of shoes that feel like home.

One exciting thing I did get up to was a little staycation in Wales for two nights. Josh and I, and a couple of friends, ventured down to Ruthin where we saw many a sheep, cow and seagull, and played a lot of beer pong and divulged in Chinese food too. Just a simple change of scenery and escapism was such a mood-lifter. I don't think I'd realised just how stuck I'd began to feel at home, and its really made me miss simple days out and time with friends. I'm so glad we're able to do more of that now!

Other than that, I've been at home working on collaborations and simply over-using my back garden for outdoor shots, as per usual. I'm still enjoying pottering around the house and ticking off my to-do list, but I'm also taking a lot of time for myself to just relax and zone out, with Grey's Anatomy repeats and cups of tea.

Sometimes we all need a little rest!

Let me know what you've been up to the past few weeks! Have you had a haircut yet, seen friends, visited somewhere new?

• 7/26/2020
• Lifestyle

Life In Black & White 0.5

So, I did a thing! After not having a hair cut since Christmas, I was desperately craving some change. I used every inch of my willpower, over the past few months of lockdown, to resist the urge to chop my own locks into some Marianne-esque look (which I know we've all been desperate to do ever since the release of Normal People), so when those salons opened again I just had to finally do it, but with an actual professional in control of the scissors, of course.

It's crazy how much a hair cut can lift your mood and your confidence. I'd gotten to a point where I just felt so lost looking at myself, and all of my confidence had dwindled. I had become and absolute hermit and my hair showed it. This hair cut has been like a new lease of life, as dramatic as that sounds, but it's true!

Anyway, moving on from haircuts and all that jazz, I haven't got too much to fill you in on. The last few weeks have been spent venturing out a little more, reuniting with friends and finally having a drink or two (or six) in a pub again.

It's really nice to be able to see people after all this time, and it's weird how little things have changed. I thought things would feel super different, but it's like slipping on an old comfortable pair of shoes that feel like home.

One exciting thing I did get up to was a little staycation in Wales for two nights. Josh and I, and a couple of friends, ventured down to Ruthin where we saw many a sheep, cow and seagull, and played a lot of beer pong and divulged in Chinese food too. Just a simple change of scenery and escapism was such a mood-lifter. I don't think I'd realised just how stuck I'd began to feel at home, and its really made me miss simple days out and time with friends. I'm so glad we're able to do more of that now!

Other than that, I've been at home working on collaborations and simply over-using my back garden for outdoor shots, as per usual. I'm still enjoying pottering around the house and ticking off my to-do list, but I'm also taking a lot of time for myself to just relax and zone out, with Grey's Anatomy repeats and cups of tea.

Sometimes we all need a little rest!

Let me know what you've been up to the past few weeks! Have you had a haircut yet, seen friends, visited somewhere new?

Read more »

As life begins to turn to normal, I'm slowly trying to find my feet again with fashion. I mean, I've been living in comfy tracksuit bottoms and over-sized sweatshirts for 4 months, I'm bound to have lost my mojo, right?

I guess I've not exactly lost my mojo altogether, I've still got the urge to buy every beige piece in sight or pop on a black dress and a red lip when I want to feel fancy, but I think I've just lost that sense of city style. You know? Those outfits that you'd wear into the city for coffee dates or the pieces you'd put on on a down day that make you feel amazing again? I seem to be unable to combine an outfit that feels like 'me' in that sense. Maybe it's the lack of having places to wear things (I miss Manchester bars and shooting photos in the city *cries*!) I seem to only grab for what feels simple and suitable for my village life, surrounded by high school peers and elderly women who look me up and down when I'm too dressed up for a trip to the post office.

There's never a wrong occasion for a puff sleeve and a heeled boot Karen!

I spend a lot of time moodboarding - saving styles and aesthetically pleasing pictures that I like. There's something about curating all those eye-catching things in one place that has really kept my creativity going this year. I guess you could say it's way of me musing over what trends I like, and tones too. I know I'm a neutral lover - there's no doubt about that - but I do sometimes find myself being caught off guard by how enticed I can be by a splash of colour or a statement look I might not usually gravitate towards.

Take this gorgeous blouse from Ghospell for example (this piece was kindly gifted!) I've gotten so used to wearing comfy tees and trainers this year and, don't get me wrong, I love a comfy chic look like that, but I've missed pushing the boat out a bit and having pieces to get dressed up in.

There was something about this blouse that I just couldn't resist when I saw it... I mean, I know it's nothing too far out of my comfort zone, but I can't remember the last time I felt the urge to wear something like this, so it had me really giddy!

I love how bold and out-there for my current style it feels and it was definitely that silhouette that caught my eye (I mean, LOOK!) I just desperately wanted to add it into my wardrobe and see how I could play around with it!

BLOUSE - GHOSPELL [GIFTED] // SKIRT - EBAY // SHOES - TOPSHOP

Now, I know what you're thinking, "the 80s called and they want their outfit back", but oh. my. god. as soon as I put this look together, I felt like an icon. I felt like someone had just dragged me out of Heathers and plonked me in 2020 and I was here for it!

Everything about this blouse is just perfect. From the statement shoulder, to the cinched-in waist and bright blue colour, it just combines the most classic, yet retro feel. It has little concealed buttons too, which I think is such a great touch, because it eliminates that whole messing around trying to wrap your top the right way thing!

Here I decided to style it up with a white tennis skirt, as I wanted to have something that would keep the waist accentuated, and also my trusty white heels, as it felt like the perfect outfit to be colour-blocking with! I really love how this look came out.

Sometimes it's nice to reach for clothing that's out of your comfort zone, to experiment with colours and shapes. I've definitely missed doing that this year and this look gave me that boost I needed when it comes to styling again ♥

Shop the look:

• 7/22/2020
• Fashion

The 80's Called

As life begins to turn to normal, I'm slowly trying to find my feet again with fashion. I mean, I've been living in comfy tracksuit bottoms and over-sized sweatshirts for 4 months, I'm bound to have lost my mojo, right?

I guess I've not exactly lost my mojo altogether, I've still got the urge to buy every beige piece in sight or pop on a black dress and a red lip when I want to feel fancy, but I think I've just lost that sense of city style. You know? Those outfits that you'd wear into the city for coffee dates or the pieces you'd put on on a down day that make you feel amazing again? I seem to be unable to combine an outfit that feels like 'me' in that sense. Maybe it's the lack of having places to wear things (I miss Manchester bars and shooting photos in the city *cries*!) I seem to only grab for what feels simple and suitable for my village life, surrounded by high school peers and elderly women who look me up and down when I'm too dressed up for a trip to the post office.

There's never a wrong occasion for a puff sleeve and a heeled boot Karen!

I spend a lot of time moodboarding - saving styles and aesthetically pleasing pictures that I like. There's something about curating all those eye-catching things in one place that has really kept my creativity going this year. I guess you could say it's way of me musing over what trends I like, and tones too. I know I'm a neutral lover - there's no doubt about that - but I do sometimes find myself being caught off guard by how enticed I can be by a splash of colour or a statement look I might not usually gravitate towards.

Take this gorgeous blouse from Ghospell for example (this piece was kindly gifted!) I've gotten so used to wearing comfy tees and trainers this year and, don't get me wrong, I love a comfy chic look like that, but I've missed pushing the boat out a bit and having pieces to get dressed up in.

There was something about this blouse that I just couldn't resist when I saw it... I mean, I know it's nothing too far out of my comfort zone, but I can't remember the last time I felt the urge to wear something like this, so it had me really giddy!

I love how bold and out-there for my current style it feels and it was definitely that silhouette that caught my eye (I mean, LOOK!) I just desperately wanted to add it into my wardrobe and see how I could play around with it!

BLOUSE - GHOSPELL [GIFTED] // SKIRT - EBAY // SHOES - TOPSHOP

Now, I know what you're thinking, "the 80s called and they want their outfit back", but oh. my. god. as soon as I put this look together, I felt like an icon. I felt like someone had just dragged me out of Heathers and plonked me in 2020 and I was here for it!

Everything about this blouse is just perfect. From the statement shoulder, to the cinched-in waist and bright blue colour, it just combines the most classic, yet retro feel. It has little concealed buttons too, which I think is such a great touch, because it eliminates that whole messing around trying to wrap your top the right way thing!

Here I decided to style it up with a white tennis skirt, as I wanted to have something that would keep the waist accentuated, and also my trusty white heels, as it felt like the perfect outfit to be colour-blocking with! I really love how this look came out.

Sometimes it's nice to reach for clothing that's out of your comfort zone, to experiment with colours and shapes. I've definitely missed doing that this year and this look gave me that boost I needed when it comes to styling again ♥

Shop the look:

Read more »

Hello everyone, how are we all doing? It's scaring me that we're almost in August - I still feel like my mind is stuck in March and hasn't moved along with the months haha!

Anyway, regardless of this crazy year we're having, I wanted to let you know that I recently received this absolutely gorgeous dress from JOOSTE - it's the perfect 90s LBD, made from sustainable materials sourced in Paris, and it's just the most perfect dress, I am so over the moon with it!

With this dress in mind, I wanted to put an edit together of little black dresses, so that if you're still on the hunt for your perfect one too, I could maybe be a bit of assistance!

DRESS - JOOSTE [GIFTED] // EARRINGS - SAINT COHEN [GIFTED]

Let me know what catches your eye ♥

• 7/21/2020
• Fashion

The LBD Edit

Hello everyone, how are we all doing? It's scaring me that we're almost in August - I still feel like my mind is stuck in March and hasn't moved along with the months haha!

Anyway, regardless of this crazy year we're having, I wanted to let you know that I recently received this absolutely gorgeous dress from JOOSTE - it's the perfect 90s LBD, made from sustainable materials sourced in Paris, and it's just the most perfect dress, I am so over the moon with it!

With this dress in mind, I wanted to put an edit together of little black dresses, so that if you're still on the hunt for your perfect one too, I could maybe be a bit of assistance!

DRESS - JOOSTE [GIFTED] // EARRINGS - SAINT COHEN [GIFTED]

Let me know what catches your eye ♥

Read more »

I wanted to write something today. I've been wrestling with this urge to express things and free my mind from any burden I have, but I also feel like I have nothing to say all at the same time. I'm sure some of you know what I mean. I think I'm feeling so much right now; I feel happiness, I feel love, I feel excitement, I feel pride... but then I feel sad, alone and like things are falling apart all in the same instant. Within all of that I often just end up feel nothing. Sometimes I don't know what's worse, you know? Feeling everything or feeling nothing? It seems really hard to articulate anything right now.

Of course, this is probably an effect of lockdown and the fact this year has completely thrown a spanner in the works. There's no doubt that none of us could have prepared for what the last 4 months have entailed. Through it all there have been highs and lows (most of the highs being in those first few weeks of glorious sunshine and lovely walks, obviously), and I guess the combination of those two things has left me in a place of... neutral? No, that's not the right word. Maybe some kind of wandering feeling. A feeling of not knowing which way to go next.

I think I'm beginning to lack purpose, I suppose. There's no day where I wake up and know exactly how my day will go anymore. Each day brings something new and often that can be good, of course, but occasionally that 'something' isn't that great.

I'd be lying if I had said that this year hadn't affected my mental health massively. I've gone through moments of feeling like I really have myself together and then before I know it, everything is crumbling down around me again. It's been, to put it simply, a struggle.

From the smallest of anxieties, to fights with disordered eating, each thing has floated into my life again so effortlessly, as if I had never managed to attain control of them in the first place. I mean, not to say that before all of this I was living some care-free life of no eating disorders and no worry, but this whole situation has heightened everything.

SHIRT - DUSTY VINTAGE // BAG - SOURCE UNKNOWN

Truth be told, comparison has always filled my life. I often wish I had someone else's face, or body, or personality or whatever it may be. Most of the time I'm longing to be someone that I'm not, because in my mind, nothing I am or ever do will be good enough. And, well, being locked away, phone in hand, scrolling through a sea of scenic garden pictures, stories of families laughing together and morning workouts, I've began to feel that comparison even more. I began to notice just how not 'perfect' enough, or well structured, everything in my life is. That really hasn't helped.

I know I'm not the only one who's found this time *triggering* in some way. When our routines that we've worked on - became comfortable in, molded to fit our busy lives - came to complete holt, I know a lot of us all felt this sense of 'what now?', and it was kind of terrifying. I mean sure, we can fill our days with endless Netflix marathons and do our emails from our desks at home, rather than an office, but it's all those little things that used to keep us going that made the difference.

For me, one thing I miss is my routine of getting up and going to work. As much as I'm dreading returning to work in this situation, I do long for that sense of purpose I used to have. I miss seeing my colleagues after spending days alone working for myself. I miss the rush of Manchester and the variety of characters I'd encounter in a day. I miss my train journeys, even those god damn Northern Rail delayed ones. I miss picking whether I was budgeting a Greggs for lunch or if I could splurge on a Pret A Manger. I miss the excitement of heading to my boyfriend's after my shift was over or the relief I'd feel after being on the closing slot and grabbing my stuff to head home.

I didn't realise how much being at that place, even just a few days a week, meant to me in my life. It was like a center point. I'd never had a center point before. It was something for the rest of my life to work around and I liked it.

I guess without that center point to revolve around, I've had a sense that my life revolves around... nothing? Obviously, there's ways around that and I've used those to the best of my ability during this time. Things like, writing a good ol' to-do list, getting myself moving in a morning and doing whatever I can to fill the day like shooting images, reading or baking... it works pretty much every time, but after 4 months of the same thing, I've gotten a little stir crazy.

I mean, is this my new 'norm' now? I feel like I'm going to be shell-shocked when I have to return to work and my 'regular' life. I can feel those old anxieties about being on public transport, eating in front of people, or worries over my appearance following me there already.

Before all of this I had become so confident and independent, but I know now that this situation has really knocked me, and more than I'd realised it could have.

Like I said, my mental health has definitely been affected. Lately, I've found myself lacking the energy to do much. I've found the evenings are becoming harder, my thoughts are becoming louder and I seem to keep finding myself in a place where everything just feels a little... difficult. Things just feel kind of heavy. And it's not that kind of heavy feeling you can just shake off your shoulders, you know? It's that kind of weight that you just have to sit with and hope it doesn't break you.

That seems dark, I know, but I can't really put it any better than that. It is what it is, and I'm slowly becoming more and more used to those emotions creeping in when I'm alone at night.

Yet, regardless of those days, there are also days where I feel fine. There are days where I feel productive, happy, at peace. Generally, if you message me and I say I'm doing 'ok', it's probably because, in that moment, I am. Some days are good, right? I don't think it's uncommon to feel really alone and sad one minute and then be able to pull yourself together the next. Life keeps moving and it's those days, those happier days, that keep me going, because I know that even on the harder days, there's hopefully a better one to come.

SKIRT - NOBODY'S CHILD // SHOES - TOPSHOP

I guess this whole thing is just a roller-coaster, and not just for me, for us all. I don't think there's any 'right' way to be handling things right now. I think we're all dealing with this in our own ways, and that's okay. The sudden jump of things returning to 'normal' is a bit of anxiety inducer, of course, but I suppose it had to happen at some point. I think I thought we'd be able to ease into it more slowly though, do you know what I mean?

I do still think I'm eager to get back to my old routine. I do just want to throw myself back into it and keep going from where I left off. I daydream about having things just snap back into place. I'm hoping it won't be too much of a shock to the system, but I'll just have to roll with the punches when it happens.

For now, I'm handling things. Maybe I'm not handling them all that well, but I'm doing it.

Luckily, there are still those good days to keep me going. There are those days I now get to spend with my boyfriend, which fill me with so much love, days where I get to chat to my Mum and Dad, having conversations I never thought I'd have, and days where I'm learning to just switch off, indulge in crappy tv and let the hours pass me by.

Sometimes it's not about doing it all and keeping it going, sometimes it's about slowing down and understanding what you're feeling, taking time for the things/people you love and just breathing.

"take your time, forgive yourself and start over." - Alexandra Elle

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• 7/08/2020
• Lifestyle

Highs & Lows

I wanted to write something today. I've been wrestling with this urge to express things and free my mind from any burden I have, but I also feel like I have nothing to say all at the same time. I'm sure some of you know what I mean. I think I'm feeling so much right now; I feel happiness, I feel love, I feel excitement, I feel pride... but then I feel sad, alone and like things are falling apart all in the same instant. Within all of that I often just end up feel nothing. Sometimes I don't know what's worse, you know? Feeling everything or feeling nothing? It seems really hard to articulate anything right now.

Of course, this is probably an effect of lockdown and the fact this year has completely thrown a spanner in the works. There's no doubt that none of us could have prepared for what the last 4 months have entailed. Through it all there have been highs and lows (most of the highs being in those first few weeks of glorious sunshine and lovely walks, obviously), and I guess the combination of those two things has left me in a place of... neutral? No, that's not the right word. Maybe some kind of wandering feeling. A feeling of not knowing which way to go next.

I think I'm beginning to lack purpose, I suppose. There's no day where I wake up and know exactly how my day will go anymore. Each day brings something new and often that can be good, of course, but occasionally that 'something' isn't that great.

I'd be lying if I had said that this year hadn't affected my mental health massively. I've gone through moments of feeling like I really have myself together and then before I know it, everything is crumbling down around me again. It's been, to put it simply, a struggle.

From the smallest of anxieties, to fights with disordered eating, each thing has floated into my life again so effortlessly, as if I had never managed to attain control of them in the first place. I mean, not to say that before all of this I was living some care-free life of no eating disorders and no worry, but this whole situation has heightened everything.

SHIRT - DUSTY VINTAGE // BAG - SOURCE UNKNOWN

Truth be told, comparison has always filled my life. I often wish I had someone else's face, or body, or personality or whatever it may be. Most of the time I'm longing to be someone that I'm not, because in my mind, nothing I am or ever do will be good enough. And, well, being locked away, phone in hand, scrolling through a sea of scenic garden pictures, stories of families laughing together and morning workouts, I've began to feel that comparison even more. I began to notice just how not 'perfect' enough, or well structured, everything in my life is. That really hasn't helped.

I know I'm not the only one who's found this time *triggering* in some way. When our routines that we've worked on - became comfortable in, molded to fit our busy lives - came to complete holt, I know a lot of us all felt this sense of 'what now?', and it was kind of terrifying. I mean sure, we can fill our days with endless Netflix marathons and do our emails from our desks at home, rather than an office, but it's all those little things that used to keep us going that made the difference.

For me, one thing I miss is my routine of getting up and going to work. As much as I'm dreading returning to work in this situation, I do long for that sense of purpose I used to have. I miss seeing my colleagues after spending days alone working for myself. I miss the rush of Manchester and the variety of characters I'd encounter in a day. I miss my train journeys, even those god damn Northern Rail delayed ones. I miss picking whether I was budgeting a Greggs for lunch or if I could splurge on a Pret A Manger. I miss the excitement of heading to my boyfriend's after my shift was over or the relief I'd feel after being on the closing slot and grabbing my stuff to head home.

I didn't realise how much being at that place, even just a few days a week, meant to me in my life. It was like a center point. I'd never had a center point before. It was something for the rest of my life to work around and I liked it.

I guess without that center point to revolve around, I've had a sense that my life revolves around... nothing? Obviously, there's ways around that and I've used those to the best of my ability during this time. Things like, writing a good ol' to-do list, getting myself moving in a morning and doing whatever I can to fill the day like shooting images, reading or baking... it works pretty much every time, but after 4 months of the same thing, I've gotten a little stir crazy.

I mean, is this my new 'norm' now? I feel like I'm going to be shell-shocked when I have to return to work and my 'regular' life. I can feel those old anxieties about being on public transport, eating in front of people, or worries over my appearance following me there already.

Before all of this I had become so confident and independent, but I know now that this situation has really knocked me, and more than I'd realised it could have.

Like I said, my mental health has definitely been affected. Lately, I've found myself lacking the energy to do much. I've found the evenings are becoming harder, my thoughts are becoming louder and I seem to keep finding myself in a place where everything just feels a little... difficult. Things just feel kind of heavy. And it's not that kind of heavy feeling you can just shake off your shoulders, you know? It's that kind of weight that you just have to sit with and hope it doesn't break you.

That seems dark, I know, but I can't really put it any better than that. It is what it is, and I'm slowly becoming more and more used to those emotions creeping in when I'm alone at night.

Yet, regardless of those days, there are also days where I feel fine. There are days where I feel productive, happy, at peace. Generally, if you message me and I say I'm doing 'ok', it's probably because, in that moment, I am. Some days are good, right? I don't think it's uncommon to feel really alone and sad one minute and then be able to pull yourself together the next. Life keeps moving and it's those days, those happier days, that keep me going, because I know that even on the harder days, there's hopefully a better one to come.

SKIRT - NOBODY'S CHILD // SHOES - TOPSHOP

I guess this whole thing is just a roller-coaster, and not just for me, for us all. I don't think there's any 'right' way to be handling things right now. I think we're all dealing with this in our own ways, and that's okay. The sudden jump of things returning to 'normal' is a bit of anxiety inducer, of course, but I suppose it had to happen at some point. I think I thought we'd be able to ease into it more slowly though, do you know what I mean?

I do still think I'm eager to get back to my old routine. I do just want to throw myself back into it and keep going from where I left off. I daydream about having things just snap back into place. I'm hoping it won't be too much of a shock to the system, but I'll just have to roll with the punches when it happens.

For now, I'm handling things. Maybe I'm not handling them all that well, but I'm doing it.

Luckily, there are still those good days to keep me going. There are those days I now get to spend with my boyfriend, which fill me with so much love, days where I get to chat to my Mum and Dad, having conversations I never thought I'd have, and days where I'm learning to just switch off, indulge in crappy tv and let the hours pass me by.

Sometimes it's not about doing it all and keeping it going, sometimes it's about slowing down and understanding what you're feeling, taking time for the things/people you love and just breathing.

"take your time, forgive yourself and start over." - Alexandra Elle

Shop the post:

Read more »

Hey guys! I hope you're all doing well? I feel like I haven't sat down to write anything in a while... I guess you could say that I've had writers block or something but, to be honest, I've just been feeling a little unmotivated and tired. Life's starting to feel a little bit like a blur now, right? 

I've felt this kind of 'uninspired' feeling for a little while now. It seems to come in waves, but when it comes it's almost creatively paralysing. I think I'm just beginning to feel a bit trapped with only the four walls of my bedroom to be creative in. There's only so many corners of my room to use, you know? 

I'm nervous, but also really excited, for the day that I head back into the city. I'm anxious about the new 'norm', but SO ready to have more space to express my ideas and use for images again.

But anyway, despite the lack of energy and loss for words I've been experiencing, the past week has involved some lovely things, so I thought I'd share those with you today!

The first thing being my birthday! Last week I turned 22 (and yes, I did play Taylor Swift all day long). It felt kind of weird to be having a birthday in lockdown - I'd usually be heading into Manchester's Northern Quarter with my pals or something - but it turned out to be the loveliest day (and also the hottest day... it was 30°C!)

I spent my day surrounded by loved ones, fruity cider in hand and bucket hat on head, just getting to celebrate another year of life!

I love celebrating my birthday, as self indulgent as that seems, but birthdays seem to mean a lot to me. I think it stems from all the years I wasted not celebrating birthdays or special occasions properly as a teenager. So yeah, I really like to make the most of my birthday now when it rolls around...plus, it's just nice to be the center of attention sometimes, right? haha

The day after my birthday, my amazing Mum surprised my with a new bag - the bag I'd been eyeing up after seeing everyone on Instagram with one.

I don't often treat myself to accessories and things. I eye them up, thing they're so cool and then never bother to get one for myself, so this was a really love present to get.

So, as you can see above, I now have a big beautiful croissant bag in my collection and I'm very happy about it!

You can shop this yourself HERE.

The days since then have just involved me working from home still - nothing too riveting. I've had a few campaigns to work on, which is always exciting, and I've been moodboarding a lot - trying to get that 'spark' back.

My days have been very coffee-fueled and sometimes involved a lot of zoning out into the abyss of Netflix, but I'm trying to remind myself that it's okay to do that sometimes. Before I know it, I'll be back at my part-time retail job, so I better make the most of those lazy days!

I did have a really bad reaction in one of my eyes, which lead to me having to get some super strong drowsy antihistamines, so I have been taking a few afternoon naps too haha. It's very unlike me to do that, I always wake up thinking it's the next morning!

 
But yeah, that's all I really have to fill you in on! I'm hoping July brings some new changes (I can't actually believe it's July already!) and that we all get to reunite with friends, loved ones and our favourite cafes soon!

Look after yourselves x

• 7/01/2020
• Lifestyle

Life In Black & White 0.4

Hey guys! I hope you're all doing well? I feel like I haven't sat down to write anything in a while... I guess you could say that I've had writers block or something but, to be honest, I've just been feeling a little unmotivated and tired. Life's starting to feel a little bit like a blur now, right? 

I've felt this kind of 'uninspired' feeling for a little while now. It seems to come in waves, but when it comes it's almost creatively paralysing. I think I'm just beginning to feel a bit trapped with only the four walls of my bedroom to be creative in. There's only so many corners of my room to use, you know? 

I'm nervous, but also really excited, for the day that I head back into the city. I'm anxious about the new 'norm', but SO ready to have more space to express my ideas and use for images again.

But anyway, despite the lack of energy and loss for words I've been experiencing, the past week has involved some lovely things, so I thought I'd share those with you today!

The first thing being my birthday! Last week I turned 22 (and yes, I did play Taylor Swift all day long). It felt kind of weird to be having a birthday in lockdown - I'd usually be heading into Manchester's Northern Quarter with my pals or something - but it turned out to be the loveliest day (and also the hottest day... it was 30°C!)

I spent my day surrounded by loved ones, fruity cider in hand and bucket hat on head, just getting to celebrate another year of life!

I love celebrating my birthday, as self indulgent as that seems, but birthdays seem to mean a lot to me. I think it stems from all the years I wasted not celebrating birthdays or special occasions properly as a teenager. So yeah, I really like to make the most of my birthday now when it rolls around...plus, it's just nice to be the center of attention sometimes, right? haha

The day after my birthday, my amazing Mum surprised my with a new bag - the bag I'd been eyeing up after seeing everyone on Instagram with one.

I don't often treat myself to accessories and things. I eye them up, thing they're so cool and then never bother to get one for myself, so this was a really love present to get.

So, as you can see above, I now have a big beautiful croissant bag in my collection and I'm very happy about it!

You can shop this yourself HERE.

The days since then have just involved me working from home still - nothing too riveting. I've had a few campaigns to work on, which is always exciting, and I've been moodboarding a lot - trying to get that 'spark' back.

My days have been very coffee-fueled and sometimes involved a lot of zoning out into the abyss of Netflix, but I'm trying to remind myself that it's okay to do that sometimes. Before I know it, I'll be back at my part-time retail job, so I better make the most of those lazy days!

I did have a really bad reaction in one of my eyes, which lead to me having to get some super strong drowsy antihistamines, so I have been taking a few afternoon naps too haha. It's very unlike me to do that, I always wake up thinking it's the next morning!

 
But yeah, that's all I really have to fill you in on! I'm hoping July brings some new changes (I can't actually believe it's July already!) and that we all get to reunite with friends, loved ones and our favourite cafes soon!

Look after yourselves x

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