It's no secret that as winter rolls around, so does my ever-growing collection of knitwear. The temperature drops, and out come of cable knits and fluffy throw-ons, leaving me in a state of complete cosiness for the next 5 months.

*trigger warning*

I feel like it's been a while since I've sat here and opened up to you guys. I mean, that has been the premise of this platform for such a long time, you know? A place for me to share my experiences and put my thoughts out there into the world - a place which felt safe for me to open up. Lately however, I've found myself lost for words, with hardly anything to type out onto this blank page before me. I guess you could say I've been uninspired, had writers block, or any of the usual reasonings, but the reality is, that life has just felt very heavy as of late.

Everything from waking up in a morning, to making a cup of tea, to trying to sleep at night, has felt exhausting. All of the usual things that brought me joy seem to have faded into the background and I've just been floating about, trying to piece it all back together.

It's not an unfamiliar feeling, not at all, but the weight that it has planted on me is something comparable to an elephant being sat on my chest.


I've felt kind of alone with it all, and not because I haven't got good people around me, because I do, but more because it's such a confusing feeling to explain.

As with anything mental health related, all experiences are unique, so despite having had these feelings before, the encounter with it feels entirely different. And, well, that doesn't make it easy to explain to people how I'm feeling... especially when I barely understand it myself.

I suppose that's why I'm writing this now.

With that in mind, I guess it's difficult to explain to others how you feel when they only have their own experiences themselves to go off. I can't expect someone who's also had depression to have had the exact same timeline as me and have the answer to all of my problems. I especially can't expect the people around me to understand my eating disorders when they themselves have never had an issue like that.

It's such a complex thing, and ideally there would be one straight answer of how to fix all mental health issues, but life doesn't work that way.

It's felt confusing for a while that, when I do pluck up the guts to open up and talk to people, they don't really 'get' it. No one can really pin-point or define what I'm feeling. Honestly though, I really don't expect people to understand. It's not an easy thing for me to lay down in simple terms. I mean, it's normally a situation where I'm just blurting out suppressed emotion, so it never really makes any sense.

I think it's become easier and easier to conceal from people because of that. It feels less complicated to keep it to myself sometimes, but I know that's not the right thing to do.


To put it as plain and simple as I possibly can, right here, right now... I would say I'm somewhere amidst a relapse. I've felt unmotivated, low, anxious, unable to eat, not wanting to eat, not eating, aware of my weight, trying to lose weight, losing weight, confused, scared, and all of what's inbetween. I've felt as if I'm in some weird bubble that has managed to trap me inside and I'm really struggling to break free. I've felt completely suffocated by my own thoughts, and spend most days going back-and-forth arguing with myself over whether to eat, sleep, get dressed etc.

I mean, at first I thought I knew where this was coming from. I thought it was the same thing as always (my everlasting self loathing, of course) but there have been so many ups, downs and curve-balls this year, that there just seems to be more to it this time.

I feel a lot of things that I've felt before, like the need to starve myself or the heavy weight of depression lingering over me, but there's this underlying emptiness which I can't even define as either of those things. It feels so peculiar and confusing, that I almost feel like I'm floating above my own life.

Well, maybe I have felt it before, but just don't remember? I mean, there's a lot I don't really remember from 4 years ago.

I can feel myself falling back into old habits and thinking things I've not had to battle with in a long time. My world has become a sea of calories, weight and seeking validation again, and I keep finding myself avoiding social situations - hiding out in my house for as long as I can. It's got a sickening 'homely' feeling to it all.


The good thing, I suppose, is that I know it's happening. I always think that as long as I can feel myself falling, then there's no reason why I can't pick myself back up again. But it's always an up hill battle. It's never an easy thing to pick yourself back up and dust yourself off. I can't just click a switch in my brain and change things back to how they were - I've got to go through the whole process of reprogramming myself, and that's sometimes the most daunting part.


It feels silly to typing a lot of this, honestly. To a lot of people, my life has just been carrying on as normal, particularly if you follow me on any social media. You're probably looking at my page and thinking 'this girl's not sad!', but that's the horrible truth about the internet sometimes... the internet isn't real life, and my real life is no where near as picturesque as my Instagram account might seem.

I think it's so easy for people to just put on a smile sometimes and get on with things, I know that is for me. I just head off to work, click a switch and the 'show' begins. All my energy goes into pretending that I'm okay. I guess I've got a knack for suppressing things. But, especially when it comes to portraying myself on the internet, it's not difficult to press a couple of buttons on an app and post a happy smiley photo. I mean, 90% of the time that I've recently posted on anything, I've been lay in bed all day, crying, struggling to muster the energy to do anything else at all.

It's weird to think that you really only know so much about someone from a couple of photos on the internet. I think we all need to remember that more often.


But, yeah, I'm in a weird place right now. I'm in a limbo between completely losing myself to my thoughts, or fighting back with what little energy I do have. It's weird to know I'm aware of it, and also kind of terrifying. There are so many thoughts swirling round my head all the time, I'm not sure what to listen to.

It's felt good to get it off my chest, nonetheless... even if it is quite liberally on the internet, for whoever to see, but maybe me writing this can help someone who feels the same right now... I don't know.

If there's one thing I always lust after each and every autumn/winter, it's that perfect party piece that's going to make me feel fine and fabulous on the approach to the festive season. Whether it's a dress, a sparkly suit, or simply a cosy knit with that little bit of something extra to it, I like to feel like I've got the celebratory outfit sorted.

I wanted to bring this amazing 'Hailey' dress from LPA X Revolve to your attention, as I have just not stopped thinking about it ever since it landed on my doorstep.

This piece was kindly gifted to me by Revolve and, oh my lord, am I just over the moon with it. Everything from the polka dots, to the silky design and feathery trim is just so perfectly 'Me' and it's just a timeless, yet unique piece, I just love love love it!


I had never ordered anything from Revolve before, but had always been eyeing things up and adding them to my wish-list for future 'treat-yoself' purchases. However, because of that, I really wasn't sure how the sizing would be. I got this dress in a size S, as I'm usually a UK 8, however I'd definitely say I could have probably sized down in this, only because it's a little loose on the shoulders, but other than that, it fits really comfortably and, to be honest, I'm not sure I could squeeze my booty into an XS (especially not around Festive season either lol).

A size S is probably best for me anyway - I always like my pieces to fit slightly loose, just to allow room to breathe and room to eat, and all those other daily tasks I need to get on with - I've never been one to feel my best in super tight fitting pieces!



There's so many ways I could style this dress too - I can't wait to delve into trying on all the different options (as soon as someone invites me to a swanky party that is, of course). 

I picture this with some cute black heels and a black faux fur jacket for a more simple look, but can also see myself adding in pops of colour with some bold blue statement earrings and a navy duster. The possibilities are endless, and I want to try them all!


I'm so happy to have a dress like this in my collection and it's got me so excited to be heading into the colder months, ready to celebrate anything and everything (because that's what November and December are for... duh!).

Let me know what you think of this dress, and whether you've been eyeing up any new pieces ready for party season too!

Shop the look here:

Lately I've been loving our slow shift into the autumn season, and it's had me thinking about all of the pieces in my wardrobe, and what kind of things are missing in order to create the perfect transitional looks.

For me, A/W is all about layering; it's about big chunky knits and long coats, but also midi skirts and little woolen berets for the slighter warmer days too.

I love how through September - February we're able to experiment with style so much more, adding in different tones and textures, and re-working pieces from summer's past, into looks that work equally as well for chilly temperatures.

Recently, I was sent a few pieces by Nasty Gal, one of which was this gorgeous black tee dress, that has had me obsessed with planning how to style it ever since it arrived. It was just the kind of thing I had felt had been missing from my collection and it's sparked so many ideas that have me super excited to move into the next couple of months.








It's a piece that's perfect for the British Summer, you know?...not too 'little' that you're too cold, but not too 'much' that it's going to make you too warm? Yet it's also something I'd definitely want to work into my A/W wardrobe too. I guess it's just the perfect balance of everything (plus it's super comfortable and easy to throw on, what a dream!!)

This dress has had me thinking of all the different ways that simple pieces like this can be worked and styled, and it's got my brain spinning into an outfit planning frenzy.

I mean, it's nothing new to say that basic pieces are the easiest to be worn all year round, but it's a piece like this that just works so well for layering and adding textures to.

This Nasty Gal dress is a very wearable Polyester, which I know isn't everyone's favourite, but go with me here. It's an affordable price (only £15 right now... bargain!!) and can be worn loose and flowy, or be pinched in at the waist using the little material belt it comes with, or any belt for that matter. It looks chic and effortless, and you really can't go wrong with a LBD, right? It's just an easy-going, comfortable piece, with a very simple composition, which is perfect for adding to and dressing up or down.







I can picture this looking super elegant and sophisticated styled with a long navy duster coat and some heeled black boots, or if you prefer a more 'edgy' look, Dr. Martens would look amazing too. I can also see this working nicely with a chunky knit thrown over the top, and the little roll neck from the dress peeking through. The long length of the dress makes for a casual yet, put-together vibe and a beret would also be the perfect thing to channel some Parisian-chic into a look with this dress!

The beauty of it is, that this dress is just great on it's own too. As I stood shooting this, channeling my inner J-Lo and Angelina Jolie, I found I was getting so many glances (could have been because I was stood Vogue-ing in front of a library, but I'm going to put it down to the dress) and it made my very happy to know that a simple black dress is still as powerful as it always has been.

All in all, I just think tee dresses are the perfect staple for the weather we're having right now. Whether it's 21 degrees one day, or 13 the next, it's the kind of piece that's going to be easy to throw on and work around.

If you want to grab yourself a staple tee dress too, simply have a browse below:

For some reason, as of late, I seem to have reverted back to a place where I channel an incessant need to be liked. Well, maybe 'liked' is the wrong word, but at least the need to not upset or irritate people.

I've always thought of myself as quite an annoying person - the person in the group who never *quite* knows what to say, or never really *quite* understands what's going on. I get anxious in social situations, not even being able to answer a simple "what've you been up to?" without replying "not much" out of panic, even though I've spent my week busying around, or actually doing a lot more than 'not much'. I just don't want to bore people, or stumble on my words whilst telling a story. There seems to be nothing worse to me than rambling on to people who probably don't care about the emails I've had, or the fact that I've had my photo taken for a millionth time this week...

I mean, maybe this is just due to some heightened anxiety recently, but I've felt I've been overcompensating for a lot. I seem to constantly have this urge to hide a weakened side of myself, pasting over it with a giggly character, who probably actually ends up being more irritating than my normal personality. Well, don't get me wrong, I've always been a little bit goofy and say silly things, but there's currently this voice in the back of my head, which is always spurring me on to try and be funny, or pressuring me to not be left out of things.




I never used to be like that (well, not for a long time anyway). I'd reached a point where I really didn't mind if someone didn't like me. Not everyone's going to be your number 1 fan, right? I was happy floating along, being exactly who I was, not worrying over whether people thought I was weird, or didn't like my outfits, so this constant desire to not piss people off feels quite peculiar.

For me, the incessant need to be liked was something from my school days. I always wanted like 'popular' girls to like me, the boys to fancy me and the teachers to think I was succeeding. It was a personality trait that pushed my mental health into a spiral and left me clawing my way out of some weird dark hole I'd unintentionally pushed myself into.

From that I'd learnt it was trait I no longer needed, nor wanted. Something in my brain clicked and I realised the only person that I should be *that* concerned about, was myself. The fact that I'd spent about 9 years worrying myself over the opinions of other people felt ridiculous, and it was kind of a point in my life where (and not to be too symbolic here...) I set myself free.




Like I said, I've been anxious lately, so I'm kind of putting it down to that, but I've also made a lot of changes in my life this year and, because of that, have met a lot of new people. Maybe it's a case of me panicking over some fresh new slate that I have to paste my personality out onto again? Maybe I feel the need to 'recreate' myself somehow?

With starting a new job and leaving my agency, I guess I've opened myself back up to some thoughts and emotions that I'd closed off before. It feels strange to have regressed back to such a place, but it's not not plausible.

Whatever it is, it's completely draining, and it's not something I want to continue feeling.




All in all, I have been having an odd time of it lately. Lots of things in my life have lead to more anxiety, more struggles with food and more worries over my appearance, so maybe it's just a case of rewiring my brain again to get back to that more 'care free' place.

No one wants to go through life fretting over what other people think - nobody has time for that. And, I certainly don't want to default back into the way I felt during high school (dear god, NO).

I think even just writing this out has given me some perspective, so hopefully I can feel back to my unworried self soon enough.

Shop the look:

Until this year, I honestly don't think I had ever really listened to a podcast before (I know, where have I been, right?) but then in came these amazing series, which I just could not resist putting on every time I had some admin or errands to do - they became my first port-of-call when it came to listening to something, even before clicking on my latest Spotify playlist.

I know of some amazing women in this community of creatives, and with a couple of them starting podcasts, and discussing topics which have really helped me feel less alone, or even opened my mind up to new things, I couldn't resist giving them a mention here on my blog.

So, let's see what's been taking up all my spare time, shall we? 



Things You Can't Ask Yer Mum

This podcast by Lindsey Holland and Lizzy Hadfield was the first I ever listened to, and, oh boy, was I hooked instantly.

In this series, these two talented ladies discuss, as you may have guessed from the title, all the things you may not normally ask your mum. This ranges from sex, to grief, to relationships (including friendships) and tackles topics in such a fun, yet analytic and understanding way, and really takes you from one emotion to another.

The first episode had me holding in my laughter on public transport, then there are moments in other episodes which have made me shed tears, and had me listening intently as I've learnt from their experiences and stories.

It's the icing on the cake that these two are the perfect pair for something like this. It's like you're out for lunch with your two best mates, having a good ol' chinwag, and there's something oddly comforting about listening to them chat away (it might be the Northerner in me, who knows? haha)

As someone who's always adored both Lindsey's and Lizzy's work from a blogger perspective, it's so wonderful to have this podcast that let's you get to know the two of them more on a deeper level, rather than just looking at their style and wishing I was as effortlessly cool as them both (seriously, have you seen these girls?!)

It's a truly wonderful podcast, and I can't wait for the second series of episodes to come out so I have something to giggle at on my morning commute again!

Listen HERE

On The Outskirts

Moving onto two other amazing ladies, who honestly are some of the most lovely and down to earth ladies I ever had the pleasure of meeting, it's Alice Catherine's and Sophia Rosemary's podcast, 'On The Outskirts'.

In this series Alice and Sophia discuss all things social media, body image, praising women, as well as chatting away about their current favourite tv series, festivals and, a good ol' British favourite, the weather!

I often find myself listening to their episodes as I potter round my house, tidying my room, making lists, and I always end up giggling away, and once again, just feeling like I'm having a lovely natter with my pals.

I really love the way these two discuss blogger culture, and the world of social media, as it's something I too am dealing with, as we roll with the punches of the ever changing algorithms and Instagram culture.

These girls have the ability to voice so much of what's going round in my own mind, whilst also opening my mind to new things and new perspectives, and I think that's really wonderful.

If you're a fan of inclusive, honest chats, and are also a blogger living outside of the London bubble, then this one is for you.

Listen HERE


Listen Louder

Last but not least, we have a podcast for all those interested in discussions about Mental Health. Megan (Wonderful You) has been one of my favourite bloggers for a really long time. I adore her honesty in everything she creates, and the way in which she tackles tough subjects in such a caring and compassionate way.

This podcast features real conversations, with weekly guests, aiming to break down the stigma around mental health and help others feel less alone with what they're dealing with... and that's truly the beauty of this podcast.

As someone who has struggled with their own mental health, podcasts/blog posts/poems - anything of that ilk - are something that have really helped me to feel more connected with others and make me realise that I'm not so solus in what I am dealing with. In particular, the way that these discussion touch upon different variations of anxiety, depression and body image, have made me feel so comforted.

Megan, as well as being an amazing content creator in general, is the perfect host for this kind of thing. She's kind, caring, willing to open up and help others open up - she's the perfect voice to lead an audience into a better understanding of our minds.

This podcast truly is the safe space everyone needs and I can't wait to listen to more of the episodes and delve deeper into the understanding of both mine and other people's emotions.

Listen HERE

I thought I'd bring in the bank holiday by chatting to you all about this look I wore yesterday, as the heat wave was upon us and I had not packed correctly for the weather when travelling to Josh's for the weekend...doh!

This was a very last minute outfit that I actually ended up loving A LOT. There's something about summer dressing that I've found difficult this year - I keep feeling as if my style isn't made for the warmer days and always end up opting for the safe option of a dress and sandals, but I don't want the weather to stop me from getting creative with my style, you know?




I had chucked this white shirt in my bag after picking it up from a charity shop for just £3(!!) and had planned to maybe wear it to work on Monday, but waking up on Saturday morning, I knew I had to throw something together that wasn't going to make me melt into a puddle wearing it. Luckily I had left these fabulous Ghospell shorts behind at Josh's house recently too, so with my white shirt in hand, and shorts at the ready, I knew this was going to be a fail safe option. (I mean, I can't go wrong with light weight materials and shorts when it's 30 degrees outside, right?)






I paired the two with my trusty Miss Selfridge trainers, which I had recently dug out of the abyss of shoes in my wardrobe and they've now become my day-to-day shoe, as well as my favourite polka-dot ASOS belt, which I actually flipped backwards to create this cool monochromatic belt situation (how had I not done that before? I think it looks so cool!).

I thought tying up the shirt with this gorgeous B.tempt'd Lace Kiss Bralette underneath was a really nice touch, and kind of gave me 'hot girl summer' vibes (a proper confidence boost outfit too!)






Last but not least, I have to give my new Paul's Boutique bag a mention. This is the GiGi Shoulder Bag in Green and I'm absolutely obsessed with it.

It's the perfect shopper/tote bag, with so much room inside for me to carry all of junk round with me. I love the croc material and the gold metal details (goes so well with my Cluse Watch and other gold gems!) - it's got a luxurious feel to it which I really like - and it's just the kind of bag I've been after for so so long. PLUS, I'm obsessed with the colour green right now, so this is a bag dream come true!


I just loved wearing this outfit, and I couldn't not share it, so... voila! ♥