21.7.17

Why Body Confidence Is Key For Self Acceptance


I 100% lack body confidence. Despite my face and my looks being my main source of income, I am an extremely insecure person (you probably already know this, so sorry if I'm repeating myself huns). 

You see, from a very young age I did not like myself. I have never liked my face, my legs, my tummy, my bum. I have never understood my shape, my features, my characteristics. I have always just craved the ideals and wanted to be someone else.

Unfortunately, life doesn't give you what you want.

Sure, I could sit there wishing on a million stars or waiting for 11:11 to pop up on my clock, but at the end of the day, I have the body that I have, and that's it.

I am me.




It's taken me years to realise that I am who I am, I look like what I look like, and there's no way i'm ever going to be or look like someone else. And, I do believe that, slowly but surely, I'm learning to appreciate the skin I am in.

Okay, sure, I did say that I 100% lack body confidence and to be honest, that's incredibly true. I still do not like my legs, my tummy, my bum, my boobs, but there are aspects of myself that I have truly began to appreciate.

For example, I love my freckles, I love my long arms and I love my blonde fuzzy body hair.

I can look at myself sometimes and, rather than just seeing myself and feeling repulsed, I've started to notice those few things, those little things, that I truly do like.



Body confidence is a tough one though. After loosing over half my body weight, dropping 5 dress sizes and going through hell and back, learning to like my wobbly, stretch mark ridden body is immensely difficult.

And, unfortunately, as the title of this blog post explains, I believe that body confidence is so so very key when it comes to learning to like and accept yourself.



For me anyway, body confidence is probably the main reason I lack self acceptance. I am very open, I'm very loud and I am very fun, but, put me in a more vulnerable situation or ask me to wear a tight bodycon dress or shoot in a bikini, and I will become silent. I will become insecure and embarrassed - completely humiliated.

I do not accept myself in my own body.

I accept my mind, I accept my heart, I accept my ideas, I accept my style, but I do not accept my body.




I think as soon as you're comfortable in your own skin and confident in your appearance, a lot of your worries can disappear and a lot of windows begin to open.

If I spent less of my time thinking 'oh my god, my thighs look fat' or praying for the day I can get a boob job, just think of all the things I could be doing, or how much more positive my life would be.

If I walked round, fully accepting of everything about myself, head to toe, I would feel fucking fantastic.

So, I guess I'd like to get to a point like that one day.



"Apologize to your body. Maybe, that's where the healing begins."

I can't wait for a day when I'm not conscious of changing in-front of other models, or my friends, or the day when I look at my legs in a pair of denim shorts and think 'damn gurlllllll', because it would just be so liberating to accept myself fully for who I am AND what I look like too.



On another note, before I leave you to ponder on that idea, let me fill you in on this outfit (which I can't stop wearing, may I add).

I recently popped down to London to meet with the lovely Holly (hello if you're reading!) from Urban Outfitters. She kindly let me pick out some pieces to style, and the two pieces in this look for the first things I grabbed for, because I was instantly obsessed.

Here I'm wearing this gorgeous Kimchi Blue Fuzzy Button-Down Crop Cardigan and these amazing BDG Mom Sky Blue Corduroy Jeans. I just think this is such a perfect combination and a look like can work in every season, all year round.

I love the colours together and the mixture of the textures - just perfect!

If you'd like to recreate this look yourself then check out the pieces below:


18.7.17

Passion, Love and Feeling Alive


To love someone or something in life is so powerful. The idea that passion can be sparked by the sight of someone or the doing of something is beautiful and what I truly believe life is about.

Life is about happiness, life is about filling your lungs, your heart, your entire body with love. Life is about finding that one thing or person that makes you want to jump out of bed and get on with your day. It's about reading something, doing something, hearing something that gives you goosebumps and gets your heart racing.

That's what makes me feel alive.




For me, my passions lie in all things creative; my love lies with the amazing people in my life.

When I wake up in the morning, with a brain overflowing with words that I just want to type or write down, or I simply have to bob off to London for the day for an exciting shoot, my body fills with love.

I love what I do.

I love the sound of my fingers tapping away on my keyboard and reading as my blog posts come to life. I love the sound of a camera shutter or my self timer beeping as I pose against my bedroom wall taking a million and one blog photos. I love planning outfits or scheduling tweets, and I even love replying my emails and watching my inbox fill up with replies.

I love prancing around on the set of shoots and getting to meet new creative people. I love chatting to photographers, make up artists, stylists and hearing all about their passions and the work they've done. I love the side of the industry I'm in - I love the nice side of the industry.

I love it all.




When I see my friends, hug my friends, chat to my friends, that lonely feeling that I often feel, when I've spent 7 days a week working my arse off, starts to dismiss and is replaced with a bubbly, excited feeling. I'm reminded that these people are amazing, they're accepting and they are pure magic to me.

I love their laughter, their sarcasm and their punny jokes. I love their compassion, their individuality and their quirks. I love our nights out, our nights in and the way that we can go weeks without seeing each other, but as soon as we're back together, it's like no time has passed at all.

I love it all.




When I roll over in the morning and I'm lying next to someone who makes me smile, or when I look to my phone and see someone calling me on Face-time, just so they can see my face or just because, I'm reminded what it's like to feel loved back.

I'm reminded what it's like to have someone just do the simple thing of getting you to feeling different emotions and I'm reminded what it's like to look at someone and take in every detail and see little quirks or see their brain ticking over.

I love seeing someone else be passionate, I love seeing someone else get goosebumps over their favourite things and have ideas pouring out of their mind. I love laughing with someone, talking with someone, and feeling like I'm finally being allowed to experience life again.

I love it all.

That's what makes me feel alive.



If we don't feel alive, then we're not living, are we? If we don't feel passionate about the things we're doing or the people we involve ourselves with, are we doing ourselves a disservice?

From the bottom of my heart, I couldn't live a life that lacked passion - a life that lacked love. I have been at that point before. I have been 'floating', 'lost' and 'completely empty', and that was a life I never want to be living again.

My blog, my love for fashion, for writing and modelling, they brought me to life. They woke me up, shook me and screamed 'here's your passion, Holly... RUN WITH IT!' and so I did.

My work made me wake up and see that I was hiding away from my life. I was hiding away from my family, my friendships, and even new relationships I could have made. But, I love that I can love things now. I love that I can love working, love people and feel passionate about my life.




"I love the word 'love'"

Like I said, there's no better feeling than waking up to a job you love, a person you love, a place you love, a song you love... literally anything you love - nothing can beat it.

Passion is what keeps that fire burning, gives me my drive and makes me want to get up everyday and do what I do.

So, find your passion. Find that thing, that person, those people, who make you wake up on Monday morning and say 'let's go!' and not 'oh, shit, another Monday'. And, if you already have your passion, let me know what it is down in the comments, I would love to know. ♥

13.7.17

Toxic Friendships


Let me start by saying that none of my current friendships are toxic. The people I have in my life right now are bloody amazing. They're kind, funny and caring. They're absolute true friends, and I couldn't have asked to have surrounded myself with better people.

That being said however, my friendships have not always been that way.




From a young age, I was desperate to be liked. I wanted to fit in, be 'cool' and conform to the mold of what was supposed to be. I would try everything, and do everything, to do just that.

The problem with that is: if you're different, you're different - that's just the way it is. And, unfortunately, people could often smell my desperation from a mile off.




EARRINGS - H&M

The weird thing was however, apart from the odd occasion where I experienced your stereotypical 'leaving me out of games' and 'calling me nasty names' bullying, these people who didn't actually like me, pretended to like me. They kept me close and pretended I was their friend.

I'd be invited to houses, or to go to the park, and when I'd arrive, there'd be no one home or no one there. I'd be included in games or asked to sit with people at lunch, just so people could try and get information out of me. I know that it was all a big game to people now, but at the time I really believed these people were my friends, because I was so desperate for that to be true.





I've even had a best friend (you know, that person who's meant to love, have fun with you and be your friend unconditionally?), who made me constantly feel like shit. This person would make fun of me in front of other people, or simply just when we were alone, to my face. They took the mick out of the way I spoke, acted and my facial expressions (something I still constantly think about today because, well, I use my bloody facial expressions all the time), and they made fun of my weight and would ask me stupid questions like 'why do you have stretch marks and I don't?', just to make me explain that I was a bigger size than them and make me conscious about myself.

And, that ladies and gentlemen, is not a friend.

I know that now.




I often see people talking about toxic relationships, but never really toxic friendships. And, the thing is, toxic friendships can be soul destroying.

Friends are meant to accept you, love you and look out for you. Friends are meant to keep secrets, give you advice, cuddle you when you're sad. Friends are meant to stick up for you and never stab you in the back.

I see too many people surrounding themselves with people who are hurting them, and friends shouldn't hurt you.



"People will stab you in the back and then ask why you're bleeding"

So, I guess the point I'm trying to make is. Look at who's around you. Who are you surrounding yourself with? Are they benefiting you? Are they hurting you? Do they make you feel good or bad? Do they talk about you behind your back? Or do they constantly sing your praises and want to shout their love for you from the roof tops?

A friendship should be 2 sided. Equal love and support from both people. No one should be tearing another person down or betraying another person's trust.

Shop the look here:



10.7.17

Let Yourself Feel Good


So today, I have been one hell of a productive lady.

After getting 10 hours sleep last night, I woke up and got straight on with my to-do list. I wrote a blog post and did a huge bunch of flagged emails, did errands like food shopping and going to the post office, and even dragged my wobbly arse to the gym for the first time in forever. I booked myself a Doctors appointment, sorted out some stuff I'd been putting off for a while, popped my prescriptions in at the chemist and headed home for a day of shooting outfits. I got 3 outfits shot, edited and uploaded to Dropbox, before heading to my friends house for an evening with my friends... and now I'm home and writing this.

I feel so bloody good.

Being proactive makes me feel so much better.




For the past week or so, I really did start to feel incredibly down. And, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that this one day of productiveness has cured that feeling entirely, but it has reminded me what it means to make myself feel good.


EARRINGS - ZARA

I'm one of those people that thrives off of getting stuff done. I love that feeling of ticking things off of my to-do list and cramming as much into one day as possible. I love replying to emails, scheduling things and organising meetings. I love getting dressed up for outfit photos, whacking on my red lippy and posing to my hearts content. It all just instills me with confidence - it reminds me that i'm capable of achieving and doing whatever the hell I want to do if I put my mind to it.

Plus, you can't doubt that after a week or two of feeling like you look like an absolute toe, that sticking on a saucy red dress and making yourself feel fabulous, won't perk you up a little bit.



I'd almost started to forget about myself a little bit. I was neglecting the things I loved in life, the things that kept me alive. Without them I was starting the feel, well, the opposite of 'good' basically.

I had completely forgotten what it was like to make myself feel 'good'. I'd forgot what it was like to get up and walk to the gym in the sunshine, or spend my morning simply typing away and writing blog posts.

You see, it's the little things for me. They make me feel something. They all add up into one big creative-filled day, and I love it.



"Art is a guaranty of sanity"

So, what is it that makes you feel good? Is it being productive and completing your to-do list? Is it getting all dressed up and feeling fancy? Is it planning fun things for the future for you to look forward to?

Whatever it is, remember to do it. Don't stop doing what makes you happy, or at least, if you take a break from it, remember to go back to it. It could be being all arty farty, super mathematical, or simply just catching up on your favourite series, but if it fills you with that warm fuzzy feeling, then go do it - go back to what you love and put passion into it.

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