I never used to wear colour. There was actually something in my mind, almost like an alarm, that would go off, anytime that I reached for anything remotely brightly coloured in a shop, or if my mouse hovered over something printed on ASOS.
Without a doubt, every day in the past, I would always dress head to toe in black - black was all I ever wore.
Now, I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with doing that, because there's not; I still love a chic all black outfit, and I still go all 'I WISH I WAS THEM' when staring at a picture of the Olsen twins; but what I have noticed is that, since injecting a bit of colour into my wardrobe, my outfits have had the ability to lift my mood and make me feel much much happier.
(Completely ironic, because I'm not smiling in any of these photos haha)
I only started noticing this over the past couple of days. In fact, it was actually only two days ago when I slipped into my new bright green Zara blouse, swiped on a red lip, looked in the mirror and felt well and truly uplifted.
The past few days before had been very hard, and any kind of smile or happiness that I had been giving off was all fake and forced (because that's the only way to get through stuff sometimes). It felt weird to be looking in the mirror and not feeling horrific or completely repulsed by my reflection... I mean, that's what I'd spent the last 4 days doing, so why wasn't it happening today?
I'd spent the past four days in my pyjamas, moping around the house, sudocrem dotted on my spots (one of my best looks, I have to say) and I just began to feel like I was never going to start feeling better.
Anytime I was looking in the mirror, all I could see was this person that I hated and this sad expression that just seemed to naturally sit there. I was analyzing myself head to toe, wondering my hair was so 'shit', why I was so 'ugly' and covered in spots or why my body just felt like a big ol' potato.
JEANS - PULL& BEAR
Then, Friday came and I had to get dressed. I had family coming round and I had to pull myself together. I had to wack on a bit of make up, and try, even if it felt hard, to make myself look remotely presentable. It was no longer a time for moping around.
So, reaching for my bright green blouse and red lipstick, I got ready.
There was something about the bright colours, and having the sunshine pouring in through my window, that just allowed me to have a moment of calm and reflection. I was suddenly reminded of more positive days and the fact that I've gotten through times like this before. I thought about the blog posts I've written, the tips I've given to friends, and I realized that I have the skills to get through a tough time like this. I think I even mentally said to myself 'It's time to take your own bloody advice, Hol'.
I mean, I'm constantly churning out posts on here, venting, expressing and advising, but I don't ever take the time to read them again once they're out there. I don't ever go to myself for advice (which is silly, because I think I actually speak a lot of sense haha).
So basically, that's what I tried to do. I reminded myself that 'this too shall pass' and soon, hopefully, I'll be looking back on this and thinking how far I've come from this moment.
Now, you're probably thinking 'you got all of that from putting on a green blouse and a red lip' and the answer to that is, yes.
I think in the past when I've felt depressed, I've always gone and grabbed for black clothes and dark colours and wanted to hide away and not be seen. However, seeing as all I've been purchasing recently is pinks, reds and, well, any colour other than black, I've not really had much choice than to put on outfits that make me feel like I'm floating in a bag of skittles.
Wearing black just seemed to encourage me to wallow in self pity, whereas I feel like sticking on a brightly colored top actually allowed a bit of happiness to seep out from under the rest of the emotions I've been feeling.
Sure, there are still going to be days where grabbing for a black jumper and black jeans is all I want to do (I mean, I'm a model for gods sake, head to toe black is my uniform), but colour just seems to give me a sense of release. It's like I'm letting out suppressed feelings or letting new positive ones in.
And, weirdly, I'm not even sure where the urge came from for me to start wearing colour, but I'm so glad that I did. I didn't realise how much looking back at my colorful reflection, rather than my mopey faced one, could (not to seem sarcastic) turn my frown upside down, even if it is just for an hour or so.
"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it." - Benjamin Mee
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