The Grass Is Always Greener feat. Ego

You know the saying 'the grass is always greener'? It's something that I think applies to my life a hell of a lot. I'm constantly comparing myself to others, whether I'm comparing looks, lifestyle, aspirations, blog layouts, haircuts, everything; it's just something I can't seem to help but do. But Why? Why am I never satisfied?

It's not just me either; I feel like this is something we all seem to deal with. It's like no one is ever going to feel fulfilled with their own lives. Maybe it's because we live in a era of mass media and well, a hell of a lot of pressure, but maybe we all need to start thinking differently.

Especially since I'm young, it's hard not to conform to the standards and pressures that the world wants to set on us, but there's a side of me that often just screams 'I don't care!' and I kind of really like that side.

For years and years all I cared was about what other people thought of me or whether I could match everyone else's standards, and now I just think, so what if i don't? So what if they don't like me? LIFE GOES ON. And, I'm a huge believer in everything working itself out. I mean, right now in comparison to most people my age, my life isn't your average set up. How many 18 year olds do you know that have sacked in education all together to fulfill a dream of blogging and modelling? Not many! Well, I don't anyway haha. 

I never really was a huge risk taker before this, but let me tell you, it's the scariest thing I've ever decided to do. Whilst it all might seem oh so fabulous and glam to just stand in front of camera posing for shoots and blog pics all the time, there are so so so many down sides to taking such a huge risk: Number one being, I don't have any A-levels or I won't be doing a degree, which are kind of vital when it comes to jobs and all that jazz. That leaves me in a slightly scary position. What if in the future I can't get a job because of my lack of qualifications? What if experience isn't enough? What will I do? Well, I really don't know. Number two is people judge me A LOT. The amount of times I get asked 'So are you studying then?' and I tell them what I do and they say 'Oh, that's nice for you isn't it?' in a sarcastic patronizing tone, honestly drives me mad. People have no idea how much hard work it all takes (it's a lot by the way) And then, number three is that no matter how well things seem to be going for me, I will always be comparing myself to other people who aren't doing the things I'm doing or are doing what you could call 'the norm'. Yep, it can definitely be difficult.

I wish the part of me that is much more free-spirited, and doesn't care as much, could stick around 24/7, but unfortunately that doesn't happen. I seem to go through phases of 'Wow, look at me doing my own thing, making a success of myself' to phases of 'Wow, I've completely fucked my life up.' And I've never really found a happy inbetween - it's one end of the spectrum or another.

I do have to say, I think I go through more positive phases than negative, but still, I wish I could have a positive outlook and belief in myself all of the time. Yes, I am not following the normal rules that life wants us all to follow and yes, that's incredibly terrifying but it's also incredibly exciting. Imagine if it all works out, how amazing will it be? How proud will I be that I followed a different path? My OWN path. And that's why I've just got to stick through it and stop comparing myself to everyone else. 

Let everyone else do their thing and you do yours. There's no point comparing myself to people who are off to Uni this year and doing a Physics degree because, that's not me. I'm a creative person and deep down I know that the 'educational path' just isn't the right way to go. 

So, I'm going to try and stop focusing on what everyone else is doing and just start focusing on me and what I'm doing. That's what should be important. I want to start pouring myself fully into the things that I love and stop being so hesitant. I want what I do to be a success, just as much as say, my brother, wants a First in his degree. 

Just because you're doing something different to somebody else, doesn't make it wrong.

Without creating my little space on the internet and following my own path, I wouldn't have any of the opportunities that I get to collaborate with amazing brands such as Ego! They kindly sent me a gorgeous pair of heeled sandals, which you can see pictured above, and I absolutely love them!

Ego are a great new brand I've been introduced to and I'm so so impressed by them already. The shoes I received are super lovely and they have such an amazing selection to chose from too. I chose the Whitney Rounded Heel in Nude Faux Suede  and they paired perfectly with my cute new playsuit/dress! They're great for dressing up little day dresses and keeping your feet cool on blazing hot days (like it was when I photographed these images).

Definitely go and check out their site here and have a look at their instagram @egoofficial too!
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It's Good To Get Away...

My recent trip to Amsterdam has really opened my eyes to something that I'm definitely lacking in my life - escapism.
I never escape. I'm constantly thinking, working, wondering, worrying, creating and even when I'm sat at my laptop watching Netflix, my mind is ticking over. Okay yes, Mental Health is definitely a big contributor to that, because well, my life isn't all Instagram pics and outfit posts, but at the same time, I think it's just what my life has become.

I'm basically self-employed when it comes to Blogging - I'm my own boss and so it's very difficult to just stop working. Plus the fact that with blogging, you actually never really stop working, it's a full time thing and well, I'm a workaholic. 

I love being on top of things, I hate falling behind and I'm super organised person. However, recently I've slipped a little and I feel so out of control with my blog and everything. I'm trying to improve my content, my photos and my social accounts, whilst also just trying to remain a happy person - it's tough. Things have been happening in my personal life lately and it's been difficult to be constantly posting positive instagram posts or organizing collaborations when I've had so many other things on my mind. My head literally felt like it was going to explode.

Amsterdam was my first trip away without my Parents. It was my first experience of being totally free and god damn, am I glad that I went. 

I had relied on my Mum constantly for basically 2 years not long ago and couldn't even leave the house without her and so, to be free and independent was absolutely amazing. You see, I'm both the baby of my family and of my friends, and so I think I've always felt like I don't really know what I'm doing or that I need to be looked after. And despite the fact that yes, I might be incredibly clumsy and nervous a lot of the time, I CAN actually survive on my own. 

I've always worried about the day I'd have to fend for myself - I'm rubbish with money, I panic any time I feel remotely lost anywhere and to be honest, I can be too nice for my own good sometimes. However, even though I was on holiday with my friends, I got a taste of what it would be like to do things myself and I loved it. It's triggered something inside me and for once, it's not something negative.

When I'm at home, I am very set in my ways, I like a good ol' daily routine and I love working. However, going on the a little trip away did me the world of good. It allowed me to forget about timings and work and just breathe. And as silly as it sounds, I sometimes feel like I forget to breathe and that's just a basic bodily function. It felt so good to be out of my house, of my country and just experience something new. I felt independent and yes, there were moments where things went a bit wrong or I thought how great it would be to be in my own bed, but honestly, it's the happiest I have felt in the past 6 months at least. 

And so, I've been thinking, it's good to get away. It's good to see something other than your bedroom walls, to break your routine, to be independent. I really needed to do it, I'd almost began to fall backwards a bit but it's opened my eyes up to see all of the opportunities that there are out there, what I could do with my life and where I could end up. Of course, it's good to work hard, I mean, how else am I going to achieve the things I'd like to? But, it's also good to take a step back and do something new, scare yourself, break your boundaries. Don't trap yourself in a repetitive cycle constantly - breathe

If I hadn't taken the plunge and gone on this trip, I'd never have had the best 3 days ever with my friends, visited somewhere I'd never been before, seen the culture and met some exciting people along the way. And now I know, it's good to take chances and I need to do it waaaaay more often. 

Photography: Annabel Smith

So, take my advice. If you're um-ing and ah-ing about a decision, consider what it could do for your happiness. Will you regret not doing it in a few years time? I know for a fact that if I hadn't have gone to Amsterdam, that I wouldn't have been given some of experiences that could potentially lead to incredible things and well, even if they don't, at least I took a chance.
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Quirky Prints with Ziztar

Oh I do love a quirky print and as you can see, I'm wearing one right here! This fab dress is by a super cool brand called ZIZTAR. It was created by two lovely ladies, Mabel and Zuice, and they kindly offered to send me a piece to style.

Here I've styled one their fab dresses along with my Zara leather jacket, my black ASOS belt, my Zara bag and my Public Desire Stella heels! I really wanted to go for a monochromatic look and a kind of 'biker-chic' feel, to contrast the unusual dress. I added a belt to my waist to give a more fitted feel to the look and thought the bag helped to create a bit of texture.

Overall, I was pretty happy with this look and I really enjoyed styling the dress!

If you want to check out ZIZTAR and some of their amazing pieces then you can do so by clicking HERE. And, I highly recommend you do, because they have some super cool looks. Let me know in the comments if you see anything that you like or if you see something that you think I should style up next!
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I'm In Love With Amsterdam

Amsterdam, you have well and truly stolen my heart. I got back from my trip literally 4 days ago and I'm already craving another trip back there. There's something about it that just gave me this overwhelming sense of calm. I mean, maybe it's the legalization of weed, but honestly, I felt the most relaxed that I have done in such a long time. Plus, it definitely helps that I got to take this amazing trip with 4 of my best friends and who are just the most amazing people.

We arrived in Amsterdam on Tuesday and traveled from the airport to our hotel on the number 197 bus (which we originally thought was a train... #muchconfused). After having me fall over about 20 times whilst trying to stand up on said moving bus with my suitcase, we managed to grab a seat and just watch the world of Amsterdam through the windows. 

When we arrived at our Hotel we were so excited by how close we were to everything. We stayed at Hotel Cornelisz and were about 2 minutes away from the Rijksmusuem and the Amsterdam sign - it was perfect. We unpacked our cases and headed straight out to start exploring. Of course, the first thing on the list was getting a picture with the Amsterdam sign (if you don't have photo evidence, were you really there?) and even though we all wanted to try and climb on top of a letter, I think the furthest I got was sitting inside the letter D haha. 

We wandered through to the Rijksmusuem but decided that we didn't have enough time left to to do it that day (although we did see the beautiful gardens) and so just took ourselves on a little stroll. We didn't have any idea where we were heading but it was so nice to just walk the streets and take it all in and we even stopped to get some outfit pics (my outfit was pretty bog standard and I was v v tired, so don't judge me). It was lovely to just get a few snaps of Amsterdam too! 

After that, we headed back to near the Rijksmusuem and sat on the grass in the sunshine and made a plan of action for the next day, since that was our only full day there. We then got ready for the evening back at our hotel and strolled out to find somewhere we could find some food ... or you know, just pure carbs. 

We stopped by the Amsterdam sign again and a lovely woman offered to take a photo of us all together which was so cute, and then we headed on our quest for food. We ate at a little Italian restaurant and then weren't really too sure what to do with ourselves. We ended up heading to the Red Light District (which is totally crazy by the way) and then just walking around singing a little bit of Oasis and Destiny's Child... you know, the usual.

On our way back to our hotel, we were stopped by some lovely girls who were also from England. One of them said that she recognized me because she follows me on Instagram (Hi, if you're reading!). It was the first time I'd ever been recognised so I felt slightly like a celebrity whilst my friends cheered me on haha.

The next morning we woke up early and got ready to head to the Anne Frank House. It was about a 30 minute walk away and by the time I'd navigated us all the way there via Google Maps, it turned out we couldn't actually get tickets until 3:30pm #lolweareidiots. So, instead we wandered round for a little bit and found a nice little place to grab something to eat. We also had a look in a cute shop which was filled with candles, incense sticks and books, so I picked up a little souvenir. 

We had spotted some little pedalo boats earlier on whilst walking.  You could go down the canals in them and we decided that we definitely had to do it. So, we got two little boats for an hour and pedaled our way along the canals (it was a major leg workout for Amy and I who used to be in set 4 PE at school) but, that was definitely one of the highlights of my trip!

We then took a stroll back to the Rijksmusuem and went to look at all of the beautiful art work that was inside. There were so many amazing pieces of art in there from Vincent van Goh to Rembrandt - it was amazing to see.

By the time we had done that, it was time to head over and queue for the Anne Frank House. We queued for around 2 hours and honestly, it was completely worth the wait (although I high recommend pre-booking tickets so that you can get it done in the morning).

I don't think I will be able to give the house enough credit at all, even if I try, but I need to try and express how brilliant it was.

Whilst waiting in the line, an employee handed us a leaflet in our language, which contained all the information about Anne Frank and her family. It gave me chance to follow the story a little bit better before heading inside to see it all, but of course, also helped to pass a bit of time whilst waiting in the queue.

Inside, the walls are filled with quotes and information, as well as images and sometimes small televisions which broadcast short films and interviews with people such as Otto Frank himself. There are small scale models of the house which give you an insight into what it would have been like, as well as photographs for you to compare to. You basically work your way through the house and it is explained to you, room by room.

The bookcase was something that really struck a cord with me - seeing it felt so unreal - that bookcase had hid them for so so long and it was there, in front of me. At the time, it just wasn't sinking in that I was all real and I don't think it still has yet.

I do think that it is brilliantly done. The mixture of images, writing and video all help to tell the story so perfectly and being able to follow the layout of the house and see what was inside is really touching.

After that, we headed back to the hotel to get ready for another evening out. By this point, I think all of our feet felt like they were going to fall off (we had walked a looooot) but, we still managed to have a fab night and even bagged ourselves some free prosecco, wahoo!

The next day was our last day, so we only had time for one thing. We decided to head to the Banksy and Andy Warhol museum. I really enjoyed it in there - I'm a huge fan of Andy Warhol, so seeing his pieces was amazing and the mystery of Banksy is always just so crazy to me! There were so many quotes plastered on the walls and they all really kept capturing something to me - I couldn't resist taking a gazillion pictures of them. 

Once we'd done that and grabbed some lunch we headed back on the bus to the airport and made our journey home. It was a short stay but honestly, it was the best trip I've ever had. The place was beautiful and full of culture and I got to spend it with my favourite people ever. I really do hope I get to go back there soon, because I truly love it! 
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