With Valentines day upon us and the 'New In' section on ASOS filling up with beautiful lingerie, I am suddenly feeling a little 'meh'. Don't get me wrong, I love Valentine's Day; I'm all for cheesy holidays, and taking a day or two to celebrate the people that we love however, one thing that springs to mind when I think of Valentine's Day is 'sex' and the act of being 'sexy', something which I 100% feel that I am not.

If you read my recent post about boobs (you can have a read here, if not), then you'll know that I'm incredibly insecure about them, and that, unfortunately, my boobs in no way make me feel attractive. Well... the same goes for the rest of me. I am very very very uncomfortable in my own skin, and as much as I do preach about/have learnt to start loving myself, there are still dozens of things that I would 100% like to change.

I mean, I see other girls (and I know, I know, I shouldn't be comparing myself to them) and I envy their flirtatious ways and gorgeous figures. They seem strong and confident - two things which I would love to appear to be - and although I know things aren't always as meets the eye, it's still a long long shot from the impression I think I give to people.


I don't think I've ever been sexy. There's just too much... 'non-sexiness' going on for me to be. For one, I am a shit flirt - I cannot flirt to save my life. Yeah sure, I can throw the odd compliment across the table over a few drinks or I can laugh at your crap joke, but I can't wink at you and say something seductive without wanting to burst out into laughter. I'm awkward too... and my god, do I mean AWKWARD. Put me in any other social situation and I'll be completely 'in your face', 'bubbly' Hol, but in a scenario where someone might potentially like me, or want to kiss me, or touch me, or whatever, I. Freak. The. Fuck. Out. I don't know what it is... maybe it's all of my insecurities coming out to play, but it can be so frustrating when it happens.

I think I'm a little bit afraid. I think the idea that someone could like me or find me 'sexy' has always been so bizarre and not true in my mind, that when it actually happens, I have zero idea what to do.

It's not that I don't want to flirt or be 'sexy', because I definitely do - I would love to be - it's just that I don't think I know how. I feel like there's this sexual side to my personality that I can't seem to let out and I guess, like I said, it's almost like I'm afraid to. Is it the fear of appearing like an idiot? Is it the idea that I'm meant to be 'cute' and 'innocent' all the time? I don't know. I seriously don't know what it is. But, something that this has began to make me question is, whether or not my lack of stereotypical 'sexiness' means that I lack 'sex appeal' all together.


Does my awkwardness and inability to flirt mean that I'm not thought of in a sexual way? Maybe they're the qualities that actually make me more 'sexy' than I thought and I don't even realise it. Maybe that's why people find me attractive and they're not necessarily looking for me to be seductive or flirtatious; maybe they just want me to be weird, uncomfortable 'Me'. Maybe people aren't going to be interested in 'Me' if I'm just going to be trying super hard all the time to be the definition of 'sexy'; maybe I should define 'sexy' myself.

My version of 'sexy' could be completely different to yours. At the end of the day, we're all different; different people find different things attractive. Perhaps I should stop trying to be the total sex bomb I'm trying to be and realise that maybe I already am. 

Just because I don't fit the stereotypical description of 'sexy' doesn't mean I don't have sex appeal. To the right person, I could be the epitome of 'sex'; every dad joke I tell, or every weird face that I pull, could be just the kind of 'sexy' somebody wants. My goofy laugh could make someone weak at the knees and my clumsiness could the biggest turn on of a life time. 

What I'm trying to say is, everyone is 'sexy' in their own way. I think there's this misconception that 'sexy' means certain things, like having to tie a cherry stem with your tongue or being this dominant, powerful character, when in reality, 'sexy' just means the qualities you have that attract someone to you in a sexual manner, and they could be any qualities under the sun.

"You just love them because you can't help it"

Do I have sex appeal then? Yes, everybody does, even if you're the goofiest, weirdest little creature there is, like me. There's no need for me to be amazing at flirting or have a gorgeous slinky figure, because there'll be other things about me that are 'sexy' instead (I bloody hope so anyway).

What do you all think about this? Do you think 'sexy' means being the seductive, Jessica Rabbit-type or do you think we're all sexy in our own unique ways? Let me know down in the comments!

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