How much would you do for someone you love? How much time, effort, and energy would you channel out in order to make that person happy? How far would you go for them? How much would you go through to keep them in your life?

When it comes to me, I like to put other people before myself.

I always have done.

The people I care about come first. I stop what I'm doing, drop everything I have to do, and I am there. I am there and I am listening. I am there and I am caring. I am there and I am helping in any way that I possibly can.

The idea of someone that I love, and that I care about, hurting, hurts me, and I'd rather neither person have to hurt.

You see, I would go to the ends of the earth for the people I love.

I would push all my 'wants' and 'needs' aside for someone, and I would give that person absolutely anything they wanted.

If someone needed to talk, I'd be there. If someone needed money, I'd help them out. If someone simply just needed a hug, I'd be flinging my arms around them and grabbing them so tight.

And, honestly, I have done that. I have done that because I've cared. I have done that because I have loved. I have done that, and I wouldn't change the fact that I have done that in anyway at all.

I'd give absolutely anything for a person I loved.

But now, over time, I've learnt that that's kind of foolish of me... especially if that person wouldn't reciprocate the notion. 

"So often in life, we are chasing after a shadow of happiness, without knowing the truth of it."

I guess it's foolish of me to think everyone is like me in their way of thinking. And, it's foolish of me to think that people care in the same way I do about them, about me. 

I guess I can't always expect the same love back as I give out, or expect people to truly love me just because they say they do. 

I guess I've got to stop expecting. I guess I've got to stop being foolish.

I wish I wasn't foolish. 

The thing is, I've learnt, there are people in this world that only have the ability to 'take', and not to 'give'. There are people in this world who feel nothing about betrayal or hurting others. There are people who simply just don't care enough, and that are simply just out for themselves.

There are people who can say things, over and over, without any of it being true. There are people who can love so much, but when it comes down to it, still chose themselves over anyone else. There are people who don't know how to care, how to try, how to fight.

And, that's just it. 

That's how some people are.

I don't understand it, but.. that's just it. 

I know for a fact that I couldn't be that way.

I couldn't have someone care so strongly about me, allow them to do so, and take advantage of that.

I couldn't have someone look after me, try and help with my problems, and then basically belittle theirs.

I couldn't look someone in the eye and lie, when that person has always been so truthful and honest with me.

"Stay away from people who make you feel like you are hard to love."

I wish it was different. I wish everyone else in the world would feel how intensely I feel. I wish everyone else in the world would feel selflessly.

But, they don't.


I guess it's time for me to be a little selfish now though - I feel like I've been selfless enough.

My new outlook is different. It's a different way of channeling my selfless emotions out into the world, or into people:

If you won't choose me, I won't choose you.

If you won't go to the ends of the earth for me, I won't go there for you. 

I'm tired of giving people everything and getting nothing back.

I've given too much and now I'm too tired, too beaten down, and too scared to love as strongly as I have done.

I'm at the ends of the earth, and there's nothing left. 

There's nothing here.