15.2.17

The Initial Reaction - Why Do I Get So Angry?


My initial reaction to a lot of things is simply: be angry. I tend to get wound up, frustrated and irritated, and it sends my negative instincts to forefront of my mind. I react instantly to things, usually in a situation that triggers negative emotions, in such a frustrated and angry way, but then 30 seconds later after I've taken a deep breath and allowed my rational thoughts to kick in, I can react how I would genuinely like to react.

You see, sometimes it's hard to fight through the irrational thoughts when you're in a situation where you need to react instantly. There's no time for deep breaths and allowing your brain to process things, sometimes things just need to happen.

I'm not necessarily talking about anything huge, I deal with this most often during day-to-day conversation. Sometimes someone might do or say something that triggers my brain to get upset. Sometimes, whilst the rational part of my brain will know something is a minor inconvenience or not a big deal, the irrational part of my brain will like to make a big deal out of it.




For example, sometimes I can be chatting with someone and they'll say things that instantly make a part of my mind scream 'they're saying you're *insert some kind of insecurity here*' or they'll do something that makes something in my head just 'tick'. I'll react angrily and defensively, calling them out on it. Usually, this makes whoever I'm with feel a bit confused and they probably stand there thinking 'Urm, what is happening right now? I didn't say that.' Then, after about 5/10 mins of me arguing with whoever, defending my feelings, and trying to twist things so that my irrational thoughts can win the argument, I take a deep breath and I think 'crap, they didn't mean that at all', and I'll have caused a whole load of upset for nothing.

I really do wish that I could remain calm. I wish I didn't react with that part of my brain first, but I do.




I'm working on it though - I guess the first step is realising that's what is happening. I've started to notice myself doing it and then I've tried to take just a short moment to think, before I react even further, and now, rather than blowing things way out of proportion, I try to remain calmer, more clear-minded.

Sometimes the way that I initially react isn't really how I want to react to the situation, sometimes it's just my brain taking over. It happens so much to me everyday; I've really built up a wall to protect myself from people after everything I've been through and so, I've become incredibly defensive.

I want people to understand that sometimes the way I react things initially, isn't really how I would react, but it's how my mental illnesses make me react.



When someone does something to inconvenience my OCD habits for example, I often feel incredibly angry and the frustration just fills me instantly. My instant reaction, therefore, comes across in a horrible, angered way. However, if you give me a second to breathe and tell myself that it's fine and that they're not doing anything wrong, my head is just being obsessive, then I'm completely and totally fine. I'm clear minded and I can control what I'm thinking again.

"Stay calm within the chaos"

I basically just need a minute to deal with certain things from time to time, and I hope people can understand that. I know that the world can't constantly be waiting for me to have a word with myself, but... you know, if there's time, let me try my best to work through it.

Do any of you relate to this? Or am I just a little angry ginger with a lot of issues? hahaha. Let me know down in the comments, I'd love to hear if you deal with anything similar and how you've learnt to rectify it.

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6 comments:

  1. Hol I really relate to this! You might not realise it but I'm a really angry person, and as soon as something goes wrong I get so frustrated and I take things out on people so easily. Sometimes it's just the way we are, but I think we do need a chill a bit and not take things toooo seriously!

    Robyn xo

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  2. Such an relatable post and I thought I was the only one! I never mean anything in a bad way, it's simply how my energy gets presented in the moments my brain feels this way. With every post I fall more in love with your vibes and self, thank u for being so honest in this blog post I never expected the comfort I would find in it xx

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  3. This seriously struck a chord with me...sometimes I feel like I might genuinely need anger management because of my sensitivity &intense emotions. I tend to bottle up things up most of the time, so the little things end up making me blow up and act out in anger. I really don't want to be that way anymore, especially towards the people I love so I try to remove myself from the situation immediately and take a few minutes to take a few deep breathes, slow my breathing and tell myself to calm down (because most of the time I'm over-reacting!).

    Thank you so much for sharing, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who goes through these irrational thoughts at times xx

    Karina
    www.thestyleidealist.com

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  4. I am actually the opposite, I do sometimes wish I could be more angry...I often feel like a pushover.

    Annabel ♥
    Mascara & Maltesers

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  5. I'm either super chilled and nothing phases me or I'm like this and can get pent up over the slightest things. It really does depend but if I'm in a bad mood I often find it hard to get out of it even if I know I'm in the wrong. So I know what you mean there...You look amazing in these shots by the way!

    Samio xx
    http://www.samio.co.uk/

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  6. I just stumbled upon your blog and I LOVE the mix of fashion (talk about those outfits and pictures though! <3 ) and brain / sort of "philosophy" in an every day philosophy kind of way. And yes, I can totally relate to what you described above! I had that my whole life and it started a few months ago, when I really realised that it's neither about me and my personality really, nor about others and what they say, but most about experiences I have made in the past which (as you said) trigger my brain to react like a little kitten, pushed in the corner: I scratched and bit. It's about experiences and the way, people reacted to us our whole life long. It's about the associations with words and situations (due to the so far made experiences) more, than about the actual given words and situations. The most important part is, to go deep inside and to see where all of this started, what situations in particular make you feel like that? Maybe you've always been criticised by family or "friends" and (naturally) grew a defensive attitude to protect yourself before somebody could harm you again (that's what happened to me). I also learned that every person behaves within their own frame of possibilities and some aren't that blessed here and therefore are more offensive and give you the feeling that you need to defend yourself. I am sure we all experience those kind of people in our lives, who aren't the nicest and need to bring others down to make themselves feel better. They don't know it any better, they're insecure and one of the first steps ALWAYS is to forgive those bloody ghosts from the past and to get in inner peace with the therefore made experiences (with them).

    I wasn't supposed to write a whole novel, but my thoughts were just flowing while I started writing. haha.

    Hope you have a great day. Lots of love from Germany!

    xx Deborah Chloé

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