As I stood donning this incredibly vibrant outfit, I began thinking to myself just how much my style has evolved and changed, even over the past few months. When I first began blogging, I was very into the 'minimalist' vibe and would only ever grab for the monochromatic pieces. Now, 2 and a bit years later and, I'm really stepping out of that 'comfort zone' and experimenting with my style. It's interesting to see how far you've come and grown and evolved.


I spent a lot of the past year worrying about one particular thing and that one thing was 'change'. I'd been kind of stuck in 2014 for the past few years, simply because I'd dropped out of college (and basically society) (you know the story) and my life had stood still for a really long time. Once I had began to feel better, it was really strange to me just how much things, people and life had changed whilst I was 'gone'. The relationships in my life felt different, things that were 'cool' were no longer 'cool', and I just really wasn't sure how to deal with it.

It really upset me that things had changed. I wanted to go back to my 'old life', but 2 years or so had passed and it would be ridiculous for things to have stood still as they were over such a long period of time. But, still, it felt very odd to be trying to slip back into normality when none of it felt 'normal' to me.

That's the thing - nothing felt normal anymore. Everything had progressed (as life does), and because I wasn't there to progress with it, I couldn't just slip smoothly back into the way things were.

This is when I really began to develop Paranoia. I was worrying about why things had changed and it made me constantly doubt myself and other people. I was confused by the way that people had changed their ways and the way that they were acting different with me. I couldn't comprehend that in those 2 years where I had felt the same age (16), the majority of people around me had been going through one of the biggest pivotal moments of a young person's life (turning 18). I just basically wanted things to be how they were. I expected to go back to the exact same life and relationships that I had in 2014, but obviously I'd been off the radar for so long, that that was quite clearly not going to be the case.

I began to question everything. I was constantly concerned that I was doing something wrong and that that was why people were acting different with me. I'd be thinking 'oh my god, you're irritating them' 'they hate you' 'what have I done?', on a daily basis and it became all I would be able to focus on. I didn't want to end up pushing people further away, so I would stop myself from speaking or doing certain things around people. I'd basically began stopping myself from actually being 'myself' - I was more concerned with pleasing everyone.


It only really hit me at the end of last year, just how much I was exhausting myself over trying to be this 'old me' and ensure that everyone liked me. I didn't know how to act within these new relationships that had evolved whilst I was 'away' and it really hurt at the time. However, as I began to grow and change and become the person I am today, I realised that we all change and that it's just a part of life. Things can't stay the way that they are, or else the world would just be at a stand still. No one would be able to progress further with anything and we'd all still be acting like we were 16. 

I realise now that change is good. Everyone needs to grow as a human being, both mentally and physically, and emotionally too. Without change, we cannot evolve and challenge ourselves to new things - it forces us to break through our boundaries and move on from stages of our lives that we need to let go of. I was holding on to a part of my life that, really, I just needed to be free from. I was trying to grip onto relationships that no longer existed, rather than excepting the news ones and learning from them. And, even though it was hard and it hurt me to do so, I had to just let go.


"The world gives you so much pain and here you are making gold out of it"

The same applies to my style. If my style, my content, my blog, etc etc, hadn't changed and grown since I first started, then I probably would't have made the progress that I have, both as a blogger and simply, a human being, that I have today. Challenging myself by adding a splash of colour or pattern to my wardrobe has allowed me a sense of creative freedom. I can take inspiration from the catwalk trends that aren't 'minimal' or 'simplistic'. I can look at the likes of Gucci and Givenchy and take inspiration from the colours and styles and be excited to try out something fun and new. It's simply wonderful to just feel free and let your creativity out.

Just like with my relationships with people, and the way that life and what's 'cool', adjusts depending on the times, so will my relationship with fashion, so will my relationship with this blog, and that is 100% a positive thing.

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