Why I'm Trying To Focus More On 'Me'

22.3.19


I've spent so many nights sat worrying, crying, stressing over the idea of work... or the idea of lack-of-work to be specific. As freelancers, we all go through dry spells, there's no doubt about that. It's hard to know where your next bit of money is coming from, when it's coming or if you're even going to get paid on time. It's not easy to live your life around that uncertainty.

I know a lot of you may know what I mean. Whether you're a blogger, model, writer, PR, Photographer, MUA or whatever you do, we all go through it. It's those days, weeks and months where the emails just seems to vanish from our inboxes, the money starts to minimize and you're left wondering what you're doing wrong?! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?!

*Que anxiety*

Well, I think I've exhausted myself with it all; with the overthinking, the crying of rivers and the working myself up over and over again. I'm not sure I even have an ounce of energy to do the panicking thing anymore.

With that being said, and with a few comforting words from those nearest and dearest, I've decided to just give myself a break. Like a mental spa vacation, if you will.




DRESS - MISS SELFRIDGE (GIFTED) // SUNGLASSES - PRIMARK

My mental health has been effected due to this idea of what I'm doing not being 'good enough'. It's hard to swan through life without comparing yourself, wondering "oh shit, she's doing a campaign with them!" "but they didn't contact me?!" "why am I not getting anything?".

Don't get me wrong, when I see someone doing an 'AD' or shooting a campaign, I'm always sat behind my phone screen thinking "yaaaas queen, get those moneys!". But it can't help but feel disheartening when you're lacking that kind of thing yourself.

At the end of the day, I love what I'm producing right now. I'm proud of it all. I love how my content has grown and how I've found my way this year. It's been a big confidence boost for me. But, I have been letting this one small incentive ruin the enjoyment I get from creating content or working in the first place.

Okay, of course it's nice to be earning regular money and be able to splash out on the things you want, but its also just nice to appreciate that you're doing the best you can, doing all you can do, and that's enough.




BOOTS - PUBLIC DESIRE

I've spent the past few weeks just living, just floating around, not worrying over 'why this isn't happening?!' or 'this?!', I'm just letting myself take it easy.

I work damn hard on what I produce and I know that it's paying off, and that feels wonderful. So, this extra pressure that I seemed to be adding to myself all the time, isn't needed.

I'm not just a 'blogger' or 'model' or however I should label myself, I'm also a person with a lot going on behind the camera lens, and I need to prioritize that when I get the time to.

Sometimes it's good to take a much needed step back and just let yourself live peacefully without the over analysis.





I adore my jobs and I wouldn't change them for the world right now, yet it has been so important for me to think more about myself recently, and not just about where I'll be shooting my next outfit photo or when my next trip to London will be.

Its better to throw myself back into the work, when it shows it's face, with a clearer head and less-down-beaten attitude, than it is to go in there filled entirely with stress from head to toe.

Take time for you and figure yourself out first - that's what I'm going with.

1 comment

  1. I've spent the last couple of months feeling the exact same - it quite frankly sucks in the freelance world, especially blogging when the consistency of work stops, or even slows down a lot. I think we just (despite financial struggles) have to remember why we love it and know that it really will pay off, especially as we keep going! xxxx

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