Figuring Things Out

12.4.19


Every year we begin with the same notion 'this is going to be my year'. You let months pass by, sometimes sticking to those numerous new years resolutions, sometimes not, with fingers crossed tightly that soon that 'big break' is going to come along and that that 'thing' that's going to make this 'your year' will finally pop up. You wait it out, and then try your best, and you suddenly realise: 'shit, it's April'.

This is something that I notice a lot more now that I'm heading into my twenties. I start every year on a high, hoping that something HUGE is going to come along and make my life amazing... I'm talking, being shipped off to beautiful countries, living in my own dreamy city center flat, and not having a financial care in the world, kind of amazing. 

I see everyone else floating around, seeming to have their shit together and I get filled with this unnerving sense of 'when is that going to happen for me?'. Like a heavy weight of uncertainty has just hitched itself onto my back and won't let go.





TOP - THRIFTED // BELT - ASOS // EARRINGS - PRIMARK 

I've recently been trying to worry less, however. (You may have read in another blog post here). It does seem to be working. I feel less stressed, I guess. A little bit 'lighter'.

Of course, it would be nice to feel settled and sure of everything already, but I'm 20 god damn it, I've got to give myself a bit of a break.

In some aspects of work, I seem to have fallen short, or at least hit a slump of sorts. Things just don't seem to be working, or at least maybe it's time to shake things up a bit. Normally that's a thought that would have me crying, head in hands, completely beside myself, yet I've just hit a point where I've began to think, 'okay, so what else is there out there for me?'.

Sure, there's not necessarily a perfect answer to that question. I'm spending a lot of my time either staring into space blankly or spurting out my ideas to any friend who will listen. But, to be honest, it feels like a good point in my life to reexamine things. I feel ready to start questioning things and working out what I want to do next to make me happy.




SKIRT - NOBODY'S CHILD (GIFTED) // BOOTS - MISS SELFRIDGE (GIFTED) 

The thing about life is, we can't always have everything figured out - as annoying as that is. Sometimes we can swan through life, our Mondays-Sundays filled with work and exciting opportunities, and other times we can be left wondering what the fuck's going on.

Life can be a whirlpool of so many different kinds of days, emotions, people, etc. and there's always the possibility of things not going exactly how we want. Well, more than a possibility to be honest... I can't count many days where my life runs completely smoothly.

However, I no longer want to be complacent with that 'I don't know what's happening' feeling. I want to be progressing forward, even if it's at a slow pace - moving towards something that I'm entirely content with.

I want to build myself a life, not just be hovering in the same place for the rest of time.





Change can be good - that's my thought right now. Change can be good and taking the time to figure out that 'change' is proving to be pretty beneficial for my life and my way of thinking. I go through so many 'ruts' where I just don't feel good enough, but I need to remember that each day is a new day, full of new ideas and new opportunities, and I just need to take it as it comes, putting it together piece by piece.

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