I've grown up a somewhat pessimistic person. I'm going to put that down to my self-esteem being ruined by snotty little girls, picking on my tubby belly in primary school, or the reality that I did not in fact grow up to be a member of the Sugarbabes as I once so hopefully dreamed (that would have been cool though, right?). I've always immediately seen the glass as half empty rather than half full, and it's hard sometimes to scratch that idea of 'things could be better'.
Comparison is what I spend a lot of my time doing, and always have done. I'm terrible for wondering why someone else is doing better than me or looks better than me or has landed a no.1 hit on the radio and I haven't (seriously though, someone pass me a mic). It's definitely not helped by the social media suffocated world we're in nowadays.
I'll spend hours scrolling and scrolling, ending up in an abyss of beautiful girls who I'll never be (because, let's face it, I'm not Emily Ratajkowski) and it becomes an endless cycle of self-doubt. It's those small things we do so unconsciously day-to-day that can be so self-destructive, and it's hard to not feel like a failure when everyone's out there posting about all the brilliant things they're doing and you're sat looking at them, at home in your PJs and a face full of Sudocrem. No wonder we feel like we're not good enough when we're comparing our simpler moments to everyone else's highlight reels.
However, I heard something recently, in Alice and Sophia's new podcast 'On The Outskirts' to be precise, that rather than us scrolling down on other people's feeds, looking at them, obsessing over their lifestyle, we should take a minute to scroll down our own feeds and look at ourselves - look at all the things we've done and all the happy days we've had. We can even notice days where we remember them being awful, yet we've posted some smiley 'instagram-mable' photo from that day. Sometimes a bit of perspective is all that's needed and it can make you realise that, you know what? maybe the cup is actually half full and not everyone's social media is an exact representation of things because even our own feeds aren't sometimes.
Now, not to blow my own trumpet or anything, but for a 20 year old girl from a little town in the North, I've managed to do a lot - I've managed to do things I could never have imagined. Scrolling down my own Instagram feed has shown me such. I mean, who would have thought I'd have grown a business from a hobby, met so many amazing people and had so many amazing experiences by the age of 20? Not me, I'll tell you that.
Like I said, I've spent a lot of time being a bit defeatist and it's meant that I've not truly taken the time to look all those great things I've done and realise how truly great they are. BUT, I'm trying to change my perspective on things and support myself more. This is mostly because any time I'm negative now, my boyfriend throws his mantra of 'good vibes, positive energy' at me, but also because I don't want to spend my life not thoroughly taking in these moments and processing how great they are.
SHOES - KOI FOOTWEAR (GIFTED)
I think it's important to sometimes to take a step back and look at how far you've come. For me, this blog stemmed from when I was in the early days of recovering from Anorexia. It was something I began to give myself something to do every day that I enjoyed, and I can't imagine what 2015/2016 Holly would think if she could see all of the things this has lead to now. I know she'd be pretty mind blown to think that I just walked down a red carpet at the BAFTAs or just did a campaign with Calvin Klein, like, WHAT?!
I've started looking at every thing I've done from the outlook of that, you know. I've began to put myself back in those shoes, look through my Instagram, or even my emails or calendar (as mundane as that seems), and just see things from a different angle. It always leaves me feeling incredibly proud of myself, and that's something I don't normally feel.
When I look at the things I've managed to achieve now I think 'Oh my god, wow', rather than 'Well, she still has it better than me because she's doing this'. Your life is your life and their life is their's, and I think we all need to start fighting back through that constant feeling of self-doubt and focus more on self-care and celebrating the things we've done ourselves.
"life is way too short to leave the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket"
Over this year I've began to understand that no one can really make things happen in your life, but you. I spent a lot of time thinking that I couldn't take control, or at least thought I didn't have enough power within me to make things happen. I've let a lot of time pass me by where I've left the progress of my life in the hands of others, and when it's felt like other people have completely stopped trying, I've suddenly realised just how much I could have done if I'd have believed in myself more and put my own life first.
I'm always afraid of being too ballsy, or doing something wrong, to actually try and make things happen, but no one gets anywhere in this world without having to fight for their corner at times. When I really began to throw myself full-throttle at things, that's when my life began moving, I began to feel happier and I began to register just how much power I have over my own success and well-being.
Like I said, we're the only ones who are fully able to influence the direction we go in, and I know for a fact that if I'd spent more time fully throwing myself in a certain direction, that I could have achieved a lot more by now. However, that's Holly thinking the glass is half empty again *slap on the wrist*. Okay, yes, I could have maybe done more amazing things by now, but I also have managed to do loads of incredible things despite that still - I have to remember that.
From now on, Me, Msyelf and I are my priority. I want to succeed and thrive in what I enjoy and where I'm taking myself through life, and I want to celebrate every victory, no matter how big or small.
Every time I do something now, whether it's simply a good blog post, or a campaign with a brand I love, or I attend an event filled with amazing opportunities, I stop and I take it all in. I take the time to process just how much I've managed to do, and the fact that I've managed to get here all by myself (albeit somewhat bumpily, but still, I got here).
Ultimately, not every day is going to be filled with self-confidence and elated emotions, but at least we can all try and take the time to focus on ourselves a bit more. It probably sounds like a broken-record at this point, because I know everyone out there is discussing the effects of social media and the way it plays on our mental health, but I think it's an important discussion. And, not even just the way social media effects us, but just our self-doubt and comparisons in general. It's necessary to try and implement those moments where we support ourselves and sing our own praises, because we all do so much in our lives, and I think it's good to celebrate that.
To everyone out there, no matter whether you're a blogger, or something completely different - everything you do, from writing that important email, to getting a promotion at work, or even just waking up in the morning when you're going through a rough time, is an achievement. You're doing YOU and that's the best thing ever.
"no one is you and that is your super power"
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