I like attention. There, I said it.

I like people commenting on my outfit, I like praise and I like my achievements being celebrated; I like hugs and I like affection and I like feeling like I'm being noticed.

Validation is something that I like in my life. I like sometimes being the center of attention and the focus being on me, I get a buzz from people being nice to me or telling me I'm good at something, because, sometimes, I just need to bloody hear it. I have to hear the positives sometimes, it's nice to know that you're doing okay.

Maybe this stems from years and years of feeling unappreciated or unworthy.

I never felt good enough when I was younger and so now that I finally do feel kind of good enough, I crave being praised for it. I crave people giving me that recognition that I am accepted, and that I am remotely attractive or 'cool'. I feel like without attention from others, I might wither away into nothingness again and become obsolete; I'll feel alone and not good enough and I'll revert back to being that high school girl that I used to be.

I can't lie, I seek love in my life. Who doesn't? I want others to love me and love what I do. I love hearing people say 'I love you Hol' or 'you're the best', because it finally gives me that acceptance that 'high school me' always wanted.

It's weird - I only tend to seek this from the ones closest to me at present, but certainly, in the past, I craved the love and attention from everyone. I wanted the 'popular' kids to like me, I wanted the 'pretty' girls to call me 'pretty' and I wanted boys to see me as 'desirable'. Much like any teenager, I suppose, I just wanted to fit in.

Like I said though, if we are talking about the present day, I really don't crave attention from people who aren't really in my life. I just want to know that the people around me, and that are in my life, do love me and what I do.

I think the fact that I never felt like I did 'fit in' anywhere in the past, is definitely the reason why I now constantly feel the need for reassurance from others. I need to know that people do look at me and think 'wow, look at her go' or 'she looks nice today!' and not 'ew, what a loser'. I want to feel like people can finally see the positives in me and they don't just see, I guess, all the negatives that I'm used to seeing.

Some of you may be reading this and think 'God what an attention seeker', but no, I think that this is incredibly different to attention seeking.

Attention seeking is when a person purposely goes out of their way to gain the attention of others and I can honestly say that I don't do that. Especially nowadays, I am well and truly myself. There is never a moment where I think 'I'm going to say this for attention' or 'I'll do this to make them notice me', I simply just do my thing. I go about my life, not 'seeking' attention.

However, what I am saying is, I like to receive praise and attention for doing my said 'thing'. I like to be recognized for it.

I like to know that what I'm doing is influential or good, I like to know if someone appreciates the sassy outfit I've put together or thinks my hair looks nice and, I like to know when someone loves me and cares about me. At the end of the day, I'm human and human beings crave affection.

You guys seriously can't tell me that when someone compliments your make up, or buys you a present, or shares your blog post, that it doesn't make you feel good? It does! That's what's so nice about it. It's a nice form of attention that I think we, as individuals, all need in our lives.

Receiving praise and love is good and it's okay to crave it. It's okay to want to feel appreciated and sometimes be under the spotlight when you do something good or cool. It's nice to hear that you're funny or that you look nice today. We're allowed to want to be made to feel good about ourselves.

"You have suffered enough, it's time that you won"

After spending so long hating myself and feeling like everyone hates me too, it's always a pleasant surprise to me when I receive a compliment or someone appreciates what I'm doing. I've mentioned it before, but I've always felt like an irritating presence to people, and well, to know that I'm not, really helps to build me up as a person. Praise helps you grow and learn to appreciate yourself. Hearing that others love you, can help you love yourself - it certainly has with me. And so, yes, I like attention, I crave attention, because I'm human and it's really bloody nice to feel appreciated.

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