Thinking over the past couple of months almost feels like a big blur. I kind of seemed to spiral into a person that wasn't really 'Me', you know? 

You see, as much as I love a bit of a dance and a tequila shot or two, going on all day benders 4 times a week, barely sleeping, and eating pot noodle for breakfast, really isn't my thing... but that's what I was doing, and I was doing it a lot. It definitely stems from heartbreak. Everyone goes a little off the rails when they're heartbroken, right? But, I think it's what I needed.

I simply needed to not. give. a. fuck. for a while. 

So I didn't.

I'd spent soooo long pandering to someone else's life, that it was totally freeing to just let loose and find myself sipping gin out of a coffee cup, on a train back to my mates at 9pm.

It was weirdly liberating. I hadn't lived like that in such a long time. Actually... I don't think I'd ever let myself live like that, EVER. However, there definitely comes a time when the constant heartbroken induced drinking, and dancing until 3am on a Tuesday night, has to come to an end. (It might have been the night that I kissed multiple guys, got pied by the bartender, and then a bouncer called me Macaulay Culkin that did it for me, but I'm not sure I can put my finger on it...)

I suddenly woke up one morning and realised that I felt like... well... shit.

I felt exhausted, my body was dehydrated, I'd gained a little weight, I hadn't done any work in FOREVER. I felt like my life had completely gone off track - like I'd been stuck in the same old rut for 4 months and wasn't moving forward. So, I decided to move. (And by that I mean, move from my bed for more than just grabbing some crunchy nut clusters from the kitchen.)


I started exercising again.

I'm not a gym bunny AT ALL, in fact, I really only enjoy the feeling AFTER exercising. But, that's what convinces me to do it, I guess... even if it is only 30 mins a morning or whatever.

A little bit of exercise here and there makes you feel really bloody good.

I love feeling the post-workout ache, and seeing my waist tone up - it's better than waking up hungover and feeling shit after eating a McDonald's breakfast.


I cleaned up my diet again.

I had been eating sooooo much crap since my break up. (I'll be honest, it triggered some awful eating disorder habits that I really struggled to pull myself out of BUT I did it.) 

I stopped having pre-meditated binging sessions and crying at The Notebook, and started making salads and having greek yoghurt and fruit for breakfast, and I just felt SO much better for it.

Not saying I don't treat myself every now and again if I want to, but for the most part, I always feel better with a cleaner diet.


I started writing and taking photos again - doing all those little things that I love.

I'd forgotten how much I loved waking up early, writing whilst sipping a cup of tea, and hearing birds chirping outside my window (very Snow White of me, I know).

I'd gotten SO behind with work, that when I threw myself back into it, it felt amazing to finally feel organised and on top of things again.


And, I feel like this is the biggest one of all... I started drinking less.

This isn't to say I didn't go out anymore, because I love a little bit of socialisin' I do, but I just chose not to buy a gin and tonic, and bought a diet coke instead - especially if it was midweek.

It was nice to not be waking up with a hangover and actually be able to function at 11am, rather than still gasping for water in my bed.

It's nice to just not feel as 'stuck' anymore.