Thinking over the past couple of months almost feels like a big ol' blur.

I kind of seemed to spiral into a person that wasn't really 'Me', you know? 

You see, as much as I love a bit of a dance and a tequila shot or two, going on all day benders 4 times a week, barely sleeping, and eating pot noodle for breakfast, really isn't my thing... but that's what I was doing, and I was doing it A LOT.

It definitely stems from heartbreak. Everyone goes a little off the rails when they're heartbroken, right?

But, I think it's what I needed.

I simply needed to not. give. a. fuck. for a while. 

So I didn't.

"May the flowers remind us why the rain was necessary."

I'd spent soooo long pandering to someone else's life, that it was totally freeing to just let loose and find myself sipping gin out of a coffee cup, on a train back to my mates at 9pm.

It was weirdly liberating.

I hadn't lived like that in such a long time. Actually... I don't think I'd ever let myself live like that, EVER.

However, there definitely comes a time when the constant heartbroken induced drinking, and dancing until 3am on a Tuesday night, has to come to an end. (It might have been the night that I kissed multiple guys, got pied by the bartender, and then a bouncer called me Macaulay Culkin that did it for me, but I'm not sure I can put my finger on it...)

I suddenly woke up one morning and realised that I felt like... well... shit.

I felt exhausted, my body was dehydrated, I'd gained a little weight, I hadn't done any work in FOREVER. I felt like my life had completely gone off track - like I'd been stuck in the same old rut for 4 months and wasn't moving forward.

So, I decided to move. (And by that I mean, move from my bed for more than just grabbing some crunchy nut clusters from the kitchen.)


I started exercising again.

I'm not a gym bunny AT ALL, in fact, I really only enjoy the feeling AFTER exercising. But, that's what convinces me to do it, I guess... even if it is only 30 mins a morning or whatever.

A little bit of exercise here and there makes you feel really bloody good.

I love feeling the post-workout ache, and seeing my waist tone up - it's better than waking up hungover and feeling shit after eating a McDonald's breakfast.


I cleaned up my diet again.

I had been eating sooooo much crap since my break up. (I'll be honest, it triggered some awful eating disorder habits that I really struggled to pull myself out of BUT I did it.) 

I stopped having pre-meditated binging sessions and crying at The Notebook, and started making salads and having greek yoghurt and fruit for breakfast, and I just felt SO much better for it.

Not saying I don't treat myself every now and again if I want to, but for the most part, I always feel better with a cleaner diet.


I started writing and taking photos again - doing all those little things that I love.

I'd forgotten how much I loved waking up early, writing whilst sipping a cup of tea, and hearing birds chirping outside my window (very Snow White of me, I know).

I'd gotten SO behind with work, that when I threw myself back into it, it felt amazing to finally feel organised and on top of things again.


And, I feel like this is the biggest one of all...

I started drinking less.

This isn't to say I didn't go out anymore, because I love a little bit of socialisin' I do, but I just chose not to buy a gin and tonic, and bought a diet coke instead - especially if it was midweek.

It was nice to not be waking up with a hangover and actually be able to function at 11am, rather than still gasping for water in my bed.

It's nice to just not feel as 'stuck' anymore.