*trigger warning*

I've experienced a lot when it comes to my relationship with food. I've discussed the Anorexia side of things more in depth before, but never really delved too deep into the whirlpool that is Binge Eating Disorder and Bulimia. I guess that probably comes with that 'typical' shame that surrounds our irrational behaviors with food and our habits with it. I mean, I don't really want to be spilling the beans when I'd rather be eating them, right?

The Binge Eating part of my ED is something that I've always found to be an embarrassment to me - something I've never really wanted to share too openly and something I've always feared people knowing about. Like I said, that's pretty typical behavior. When you're faced with a unusual feeling around food, it's not really something you want to shout from the rooftops... but hey, here I am, sharing it online instead!

With any eating disorder there comes that extreme 'guilt' that can overwhelm you to a point like no other. You're no longer in the drivers seat of your own mind, a whole other thing has taken command of it all and you're just the empty shell that it's inhibited.

This year, Binge Eating is something I've battled a lot with: the secrecy around food, the overindulging, the loosing control and the constant yo-yoing of weight. However, it's also something I've began to open up about a lot more, and that seems to have helped me with managing it a lot better.

I can safely say to you that I've not had a binging episode in around 3 months now, and although that may not seem like a massive amount of time, in the scheme of things it really is. To finally get out of the cycle of reaching for food for comfort, to fill a void, or just simply because it's there, is really bloody hard, and for me to be 3 months deep into having not giving into those thoughts, feels like a big deal for me.



I think I've always had a bit of an obsession with food. It's always been that safe comfort blanket - the constant that would never leave me. My earliest memory of over-indulging in food would be after school. You know, when you'd get in at 3:30pm, stick on a bit of Disney Channel and have a snack? Well, for me that always seemed to be the time where the eating never stopped - that was the time where it felt like everything had to be consumed or the world would come to an end for me. It was chocolate bar after chocolate bar, followed by bag of crisps after bag of crisps, and then cereal and whatever else my Mum had stocked the cupboards up with. It was that time for me where whatever I was dealing with internally could be suppressed deep down by the comfort of a Twix and a hot chocolate (X12).

I remember hiding wrappers and empty bags from my Mum and Dad and then scurrying to throw them in the bin when they weren't looking. I felt ashamed to eat in front of people, or to even get food from the kitchen in front of people, so would factor in the times where I'd be able to go and sneak some snacks up to my room or dispose of any evidence of binges.

Despite this idea of food being my friend, the binge eating was something I really felt no control over. It was like another side of my brain had taken over and put me on auto-pilot, diving head first into a swimming pool of junk food. I mean, it isn't even always junk food, it's just large quantities of food being consumed at the speed of light with nothing that can stop you. In that moment where you're eating, it's completely liberating - what you need to make yourself feel better - but it's incomparable to the feeling of anger, hatred and frustration towards yourself afterwards. That's the thing I always seem to forget when I ever I relapse, but it's the constant thing I remind myself of now - eating that much will not fix my problems and only make me feel worse.

Primary School/High School were where my 'secrecy' habits regarding food began, and it was a habit that continued to grow bigger and more confusing the older that I got. By the time I was in year 9, I had hit the peak of puberty. I had boobs and a bum and all that weight I'd gained from my metabolism slowing down but my obsessive eating habits still continuing. I hated myself. Like, REALLY hated myself. My self-esteem was nonexistent.

I didn't look like the other girls - I never had a tiny frame to begin with, but I certainly couldn't keep up with the small girl figures when I had 36D boobs and a 1,000,000 calorie diet. I felt so confused and unsure of how to 'fit in', so I continued to suppress it all with food because that was my only vice. I couldn't click my fingers and get my 10 year old girl body back, I couldn't make myself be 'popular', I couldn't force people to like me and invite me to parties. Food was the only thing I could have a sense of power over - food was the only thing I could be sure wasn't going to let me down.



The thing is, for a long time food was my companion. Food was what I felt I needed to make myself happy. It's a big dark void that, in that moment, you feel like only food can fill, and it's a numbness you feel while doing it which can be the cause of the never ending eating. You never feel full, not until your body really tells you it can't take anymore, so you just continue and continue, looking for the next thing you have to eat.

Years went by, my low self-esteem heightening and binge eating getting worse and worse, and then one day, I looked at myself in a photo of me and my group of friends, and I remember something clicking in my head: I didn't want to be that person anymore. 

It was a sudden realization that the way I looked and the things I hated so much about myself were caused by food - the thing I thought was helping me. It felt a new wave of ideas filled my brain and I just HAD to be thin NOW, and there was nothing that was going to stop me. I'd had fluctuations in my weight from moments where I'd binged less or binged more, but nothing had ever felt like enough. This was a point where 'thin' was my only goal and I wanted to take total charge of it.

This is when I began binging and purging.

Now, if you're not familiar with that, then that's where you binge eat, and then 'purge' it out by making yourself throw up, using laxatives or whatever it may be. I'll openly admit that some of my Bulimic habits are yet to leave me as of right now, but there certainly not in my life the way they used to be, which I'm extremely glad about. There was a time in my life which was made so dark by the whole thing and it really was the beginning of a 4 year spiral that seemed never ending.

I would do my usual 'come home from school, eat everything in the fridge' ritual, but rather than sitting there all content with my full stomach and Hannah Montana singing 'Best of Both Worlds' on the TV, I'd be sprinting to the bathroom, running the shower and sticking my fingers down my throat.

I could be there for hours - making sure any little remanence of food was out of me. Or, I'd be running back and to throughout the evening whenever I thought no one would hear me. Worst came to worst I'd throw up in plastic bags in my room and hide them until I could get rid of them discreetly. (sorry, probably TMI but it's true). Laxatives weren't a thing I knew too much about before this time in my life, but they were something that became an obsession to use and I couldn't live without.

I began exercising, but completely in excess. I would be up in my bedroom jogging on the spot until the point I felt like I was going to pass out and had 'thinspo' pictures saved as my phone background as to spur me on. I became constantly agitated and exhausted, but I could never explain to anyone why, because no one could know what I was doing.

I made my throat bleed, my teeth were worn down and weak, my knuckles were scratched and scabbed, I had stomach cramps constantly, I was lightheaded, and my hair began to fall out. It wasn't glamorous, I'll tell you that, but it felt like my only resort - it felt like the only way I could get away with trying to take control of my weight again.



I use the word 'control' lightly here, because in reality, I wasn't in control, I was completely out of control. I'd lost all sense of self and the only thing I was living for was to finally prove to people I could be a 'skinny girl' too.

I'd ruined the way my body functioned. I ended up with weak teeth, yellowing skin because my liver couldn't cope anymore and a extremely messed up bowel system - my body still isn't back to normal now. I'd lost all dominance over my own thoughts and my own body. It wasn't worth this 'ideal' figure that I was trying to achieve.

A year passed by before I told someone. Well, my friend actually confronted me about it at a house party and I just turned into a drunk blubbering mess... but same difference *shrugs*. Finally telling someone was a big step for me - even though deep down, below all the confused thoughts I was having, I was truly crying for help - actually telling someone felt completely terrifying.

I wish I could say that's where the whole thing ended, but eating disorders are a lot more complicated than that. It's rare that you hear someone feels cured from it all - I think they're parts of your mindset that you drill into your daily life for so long that they're hard to let go of. I know that I live my life a lot more freely now, but that's not to say that the thoughts aren't there, it's just easier to fight them.

Despite opening up about my Bulimic habits, my brain convinced me to find a new form of secrecy, which is where my Anorexia began. I'm not going to go into detail about this, because it's almost a whole other thing, but I'm sure I'll cover this topic again soon. Often, I guess eating disorders can all blur into one, or one can lead to another and so on, but I want to focus solely on a different side of things in this post.



Anyway, it's now 4/5 years since I was diagnosed with my eating disorders, and at that point I really wasn't sure how long it would go on for. I didn't know whether having a doctor say those words to me was going to spur me on, or terrify me so much that I'd just snap back to reality. Honestly, it was a bit of both. One part of me wanted my life back, but the other still wanted total control over everything.

That's the thing, it can be a constant battle between your mind, food and other people. You never know which way you truly want to go and it can be a struggle to find your feet.

With that being said, I'm definitely at my most 'stable' right now, which is amazing (woohoo!), and I feel that's mostly down to the way I've learnt to face the terrifying concept of 'change', the people I've surrounded myself with and confided in, and the things I've learnt about myself throughout the past few years. However, I'm not saying it came easy, and even just 4 months ago I was back in that dreaded cycle of binge eating.



I told myself that after being Anorexic that I could never go back to binging again (how could I? I was a 'skinny' girl now?!), but little did I know, the changes in my life would lead me right back to it.

It's that idea of 'letting go' that used to be so scary to me, that actually became my new way of life. I met new people, got a boyfriend and began to not have a care in the world. Everything felt free and liberating and I loved every second of it... until I gained weight, of course.

I felt like I did when I was 14 again. I felt sucked up in a world of feeling crap, so then eating crap. I would literally go to the shops, buy bags of cookies, chocolates, sweets and take them home and eat them, all alone, in one sitting. (I'm guilty of choking on a donut whilst binge eating, crying and watching The Notebook... don't judge me). I was back in the whirlpool of never ending confused emotions, that could only be solved by eating food, but could only be worsened by eating food too. My mind felt like a mess.

I started hiding things again. I would hide all the food I'd bought to binge, I'd hide myself away in my room and everything felt like one big embarrassment.

But, I couldn't go back down the rabbit hole - I really didn't want to. The idea of having to go through everything again was more horrifying to me than the idea of a few extra 'lbs' (that is what we call GROWTH ladies!) So, I confided in the people closest to me and said I needed help. I needed them to notice when I was spiraling, because when you're in that bubble you can't stop yourself.

Now the people around me know when I'm doing something that isn't going to make me feel good. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sat here eating lettuce leafs for every meal and drinking 8 glasses of cucumber water a day, I'm still living a free life filled with G&T's and Pizza Hut hangover days, but none of it is in excess anymore, and no one will allow me to do it in excess either, because they know what it leads me to.

I make sure to let there be a couple of said 'cheat days', but they're always followed by days where I go back to normality and eat well - everyone around me insures I do that too: from my Mum, to my boyfriend, to my friends - if you have good people around you, it makes the world of a difference.




Sometimes to get through something like this, you need to count on other people to get you through the start of it - that's always the trickiest part. The first week of trying to get out of those binge eating habits is the worst. It's like you're so aware of all the food around you - like it's literally calling out to you - but you're trying to gain that self-control back so you're fighting through it.

I think it goes for a lot of things, but getting through 7 days of it, is really when the ball starts rolling. That's when I felt I could take off the stabilizers (i.e. everyone holding my hand through it) and start taking charge myself.

I've learnt what my triggers are and how to recognize them, I've learnt to stop being so polite and decline something if I know it's not going to do my mental state any good to eat it, and I've learnt a balance that works for me, without cutting out all of the things I enjoy in life.

Like I said, I'm in a really good place right now, which I hope continues, but finding the balance in your relationship with food isn't always easy.

When it comes to BED or Bulimia, it's learning to find that control, when enough is enough, and listening to your body and what it is telling you. Find distractions - put on a film, read a book, ring a friend - do anything that take your mind away from that fixation for a bit.

If you're out there and any of this applies to you, I'm going to throw a good ol' cliche at you:

"things get better" ... oh and: "everything is temporary".

Eating disorders are crap, but we're all stronger than we think we are. Fight through it and find yourself again. Life wasn't made to destroy ourselves over the 'perfect' self, life is made for living and food is meant to be enjoyed, not feared or abused.

It's easy for us all to get sucked up into the ginormous vacuum that is social media nowadays. I mean, hey, you've probably been sent to this blog post via Instagram, Twitter or Facebook, right? It's oddly a huge part of our daily lives now - something that we seem to feel a little astray without, something that feels like a 'need' to have, filled up with 'need' to be likes. There's just no escaping it... unless, of course, we all decide to all join hands as a society, ditch are high-tech savvy phones altogether, and live our lives like we did back in 2000 where all we could do was download mp3s on to our Sony Ericsson Walkmans, and, let's face it, that's pretty unlikely to happen.

Don't get me wrong, I love social media. It's a huge part of what I do and one of my favourite creative outlets, however over the years, things have changed on that side of the internet. Things have become idealistic and perfectionist and it's difficult not to try and rise up to the challenge of being a part of it too. After all, everyone's posting their *amazing* lives on there - long gone are the days of posting simple selfies and pictures of your favourite packet of crisps - it all feels like a competitive sea of far-fetched realities and sometimes I think we need to take ourselves out of it and look at the world around us too.






Now, I'm not going to sit here and type away as if i'm not party to this whole situation - of course I am, I'm a blogger for crying out loud! I spend my life posting pretty outfits and sharing with you the exciting things I get to do, mostly whilst sat at home, munching away on some digestive biscuits and staring blankly at Netflix playing on my laptop screen - I can be a big ol' phony too! But there are somethings out there, somethings that just completely cheat reality all together.

Here, undoubtedly, I'm talking about the likes of Face-tune, Photoshop and any of those other things out there that people are using to alter their appearances online. And, hands up, I'll openly say I've used Face-tune to airbrush a spot out of my photos, or to alter the colour of something in the background of a shot, but there comes a point where the photos out there online become so altered, so edited and tweaked, that the original photo and the edited one are just downright contradictory.







My friend Hayleigh showed me an Instagram recently, 'beauty.false' it's called, and it was a page dedicated to showing the difference between the way people present themselves online and the way they look, or are, in real life. On this particular day that she showed me, I was feeling SO down about myself. The kind of day where I looked in the mirror and couldn't see a single positive thing. It was a day spent scrolling through Instagram and comparing myself to each and every beautiful, thin, blonde, woman on there and wondering why life didn't let me come into the world looking like that too.

Yet, after Hayleigh showed this page to me, I had a sudden realization that everything I was looking at, comparing myself too, penalizing myself over, wasn't even real. Everything I had compared my body to had been photoshopped, everything I had compared my skin to had been airbrushed and everything I had spent hours stressing over wasn't even worth it. The people I was looking at, didn't even really look like that either!

All these people that I had been comparing myself too were, off-line from Instagram, just like me too. They all have spots, cellulite, stomachs that don't constantly look like washboards, up days, down days, messy hair days, good hair days, wear glasses, don't wear glasses, body hair, dark body hair, light body hair, eye bags, scars, chipped nail varnish, bumps and bruises, whatever it may be... but we just don't see it.






Again, sure, I don't look like my Instagram photos 24/7 (god damn, I wish I did), but I know for a fact, and will safely assure you, that each of those photos goes through a process of editing before it's posted. Okay, maybe not the kind of editing that takes 20lbs off of me or plonks me in a different location than I actually am, but I use VSCO filters, I get rid of an annoying spot, and I've also spent 5 years learning my best angles, poses and understanding how to work myself best in front of camera. It's a photo at the end of the day - not me walking through the streets - I can't always be the perfectly posed, A6 filtered, version of myself.

Neither can you, neither can any of us.

Something I spend a lot of time doing now, is looking at the people around me. I look up, walking round town and notice each and every unique type of person there is out there. You realise that real-life is a completely different ballgame, and it's refreshing to kind of come back down to earth after feeling trapped in an online bubble.

I notice women in real life and see how I'm not so different from them. I notice thighs, bums and hips and the way that people's boobs don't sit constantly under their chins; I notice how clothes don't always sit flawlessly on bodies and the way that hair blows in the wind; I notice how we're all shopping for that perfect skin-care that will solve our acne woes and I notice how each woman, each person, sounds, moves and looks incomparable to another. We're all ourselves at the end of the day, and no amount of photoshop and good lighting can change that in the real world.

When everything is taken into consideration, there are sooo many people on this planet, and not a single one of us on it is perfect. We all have breakouts, cheat-days and our periods (bleugh), but at the end of it all, we're all individuals and I think that's really cool. Take a look around you the next time that you're out, and notice all the lovely characteristics each person has - some may be like you and some may be not, but either way, not everyone is the same and that's an important thing to remember.

Also, remind yourself to take everything you see online with a pinch of salt, especially when it comes to body-comparison. No one is going to post a photo of themselves where they feel like they look 'bloated' or it's a 'bad angle', so scroll past, enjoy the photo, but don't fixate on it. Instead, go hang out with your friends, be around people you love and focus on their amazing qualities - qualities that surpass someone's appearance too.

And just like that, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping and I'm sweating like Niagara Falls has relocated itself to the middle of my back... oh I love Summer. 

There's something about this time of year that really takes a hit on our self-confidence, doesn't it? Something that just gives us that little inkling of dread. Maybe it's the lack of cozy layers and scarves to hide behind, or the fact that having to whip our legs out, and show them to the world, is the only way we can stay at a comfortable temperature? I think it probably has something to do with the idea that we like to 'plan ahead' when it comes to Summer - to prepare our bodies for the unnerving idea of showing some skin on the beach or even in strappy cami whilst strolling round the city. The object of June/July/August approaching can be daunting when we're surrounded by 'Get Bikini Body Ready!' ads and diet teas are being shoved in our faces left, right and center.

I mean, I'll be honest, I don't feel 'bikini body ready' right now. God knows that social media or magazines wouldn't consider me so... My stomach isn't as toned as I'd like it to be, my thighs still wobble, and cellulite seems to be attached to my ass forever, no matter what I do to try and make it go away (disclaimer: absolutely nothing wrong with any of those things, these are just my own anxieties). It's like each and every insecurity becomes heightened as warmer weather approaches.  But, you know what? I probably never will feel ready - I'll probably never reach a point where I feel like I fit that crazy standard that the bikini-clad adverts want me to.






Now, I do have to say, over the past few years I've slowly gotten more and more comfortable with the approaching summer and the way I've dressed along with that. I no longer fear for my pasty white skin being shown, or my thighs peeking out of the bottom of my ruffle skirt, and I think that's simply something that I've processed over time and have began to care less about as I'm getting older. Plus, it really helps to just not give a fuck. Like, not giving a flying fuck really does help you to just enjoy yourself... and, if there's one thing you take away from this, I want it to be that.

Sure, we could all start hitting the gym in January, eating a set diet plan everyday and by the time July comes along, we'd all look like walking, talking copies of our favourite super models, right? But, that's pretty damn unlikely to happen, and almost 90% of the time, we still don't end up feeling amazing anyway. Like I said, I don't feel 'bikini body ready' at all, despite working on myself for the past year or so. There's just no way I could swan through life without drinking alcohol, munching on pizza and eating multiple entire easter eggs over the bank holidays. My way of living doesn't coincide with what I'd need to do to wake up one morning and look like a Victoria's Secret model (props to them, I couldn't do it).

That's not to say I wake up each sunny morning and feel fabulous about myself and my gin and tonic soaked body - I don't. Sometimes I'll pop on a pretty little sun dress, look in the mirror and think 'bleugh', fixating over my arms or telling myself 'if I just breathe in all day, I'll be fine' (ps, I do breathe out or else I would die). Even despite the 'give no fucks' attitude I try and enforce on myself, it's still hard sometimes to not scroll through instagram and think 'jesus, I need to look like that before I can wear this!'.






The thing with Summer is, it rears it's head way too quickly, and before you know it, we're drowning in a sea of body-conscious anxiety and struggling to squeeze ourselves into a bikini we bought 3 years ago. But, I think we all need to realise that no matter what we look like, who we are or how we dress, we're all allowed to enjoy our summer, and not spend it trying to achieve some unattainable goal we've set ourselves for 2 days time (seriously, I thought I could lose 10lbs in 2 days once...*spoiler* it didn't happen).

I want to look back when I'm older and remember how much I laughed over my summer, or how I had amazing holidays with amazing people, not remember being engrossed in some diet pill ad from a magazine and hiding myself away until I fit back into clothes I owned when I was 17.

We can waste so much time fixating over this idea of the 'ideal self', that by the time we even reach a point where we're kind of content, Summer has pretty much been and gone anyway. What's the point? Why not just get out there and enjoy it, right?!

I get that we all want to feel confident, I get that we all want to look at photos of ourselves and think 'damn, I look good' and strut down the beach like a scene out of Baywatch, but at what price do we really want that? At what price do we want to put ourselves through so much misery? At what point do we say, 'do you know what? I look good as I am, and I'm going to go out and enjoy my life no matter what a magazine tells me!'... I think that point should be now. I think we should all, as many already are, embrace our unique bodies, embrace the way the sunshine makes us feel and wear whatever the hell we want.







The pressure that surrounds this time of year and the way we look is so inescapable sometimes, so it's a completely understandable feeling to look at yourself and want to do whatever it may be to give yourself more confidence. However, life is so much less about what we look like, and so much more about what journeys we have, the people we meet and the beautiful weather we get to see and enjoy.

Try not to let the fashion of being 'thin' in summer get in the way of you living your life - no one looks back in wishes they'd gone to the beach looking slimmer, they look back and remember the people they were with and the fun things they did.

Go live your life and enjoy the sunshine!

I've grown up a somewhat pessimistic person. I'm going to put that down to my self-esteem being ruined by snotty little girls, picking on my tubby belly in primary school, or the reality that I did not in fact grow up to be a member of the Sugarbabes as I once so hopefully dreamed (that would have been cool though, right?). I've always immediately seen the glass as half empty rather than half full, and it's hard sometimes to scratch that idea of 'things could be better'.

Comparison is what I spend a lot of my time doing, and always have done. I'm terrible for wondering why someone else is doing better than me or looks better than me or has landed a no.1 hit on the radio and I haven't (seriously though, someone pass me a mic). It's definitely not helped by the social media suffocated world we're in nowadays.

I'll spend hours scrolling and scrolling, ending up in an abyss of beautiful girls who I'll never be (because, let's face it, I'm not Emily Ratajkowski) and it becomes an endless cycle of self-doubt. It's those small things we do so unconsciously day-to-day that can be so self-destructive, and it's hard to not feel like a failure when everyone's out there posting about all the brilliant things they're doing and you're sat looking at them, at home in your PJs and a face full of Sudocrem. No wonder we feel like we're not good enough when we're comparing our simpler moments to everyone else's highlight reels. 

However, I heard something recently, in Alice and Sophia's new podcast 'On The Outskirts' to be precise, that rather than us scrolling down on other people's feeds, looking at them, obsessing over their lifestyle, we should take a minute to scroll down our own feeds and look at ourselves - look at all the things we've done and all the happy days we've had. We can even notice days where we remember them being awful, yet we've posted some smiley 'instagram-mable' photo from that day.  Sometimes a bit of perspective is all that's needed and it can make you realise that, you know what? maybe the cup is actually half full and not everyone's social media is an exact representation of things because even our own feeds aren't sometimes.





Now, not to blow my own trumpet or anything, but for a 20 year old girl from a little town in the North, I've managed to do a lot - I've managed to do things I could never have imagined. Scrolling down my own Instagram feed has shown me such. I mean, who would have thought I'd have grown a business from a hobby, met so many amazing people and had so many amazing experiences by the age of 20? Not me, I'll tell you that. 

Like I said, I've spent a lot of time being a bit defeatist and it's meant that I've not truly taken the time to look all those great things I've done and realise how truly great they are. BUT, I'm trying to change my perspective on things and support myself more. This is mostly because any time I'm negative now, my boyfriend throws his mantra of 'good vibes, positive energy' at me, but also because I don't want to spend my life not thoroughly taking in these moments and processing how great they are.




I think it's important to sometimes to take a step back and look at how far you've come. For me, this blog stemmed from when I was in the early days of recovering from Anorexia. It was something I began to give myself something to do every day that I enjoyed, and I can't imagine what 2015/2016 Holly would think if she could see all of the things this has lead to now. I know she'd be pretty mind blown to think that I just walked down a red carpet at the BAFTAs or just did a campaign with Calvin Klein, like, WHAT?!

I've started looking at every thing I've done from the outlook of that, you know. I've began to put myself back in those shoes, look through my Instagram, or even my emails or calendar (as mundane as that seems), and just see things from a different angle. It always leaves me feeling incredibly proud of myself, and that's something I don't normally feel.

When I look at the things I've managed to achieve now I think 'Oh my god, wow', rather than 'Well, she still has it better than me because she's doing this'. Your life is your life and their life is their's, and I think we all need to start fighting back through that constant feeling of self-doubt and focus more on self-care and celebrating the things we've done ourselves.


Over this year I've began to understand that no one can really make things happen in your life, but you. I spent a lot of time thinking that I couldn't take control, or at least thought I didn't have enough power within me to make things happen. I've let a lot of time pass me by where I've left the progress of my life in the hands of others, and when it's felt like other people have completely stopped trying, I've suddenly realised just how much I could have done if I'd have believed in myself more and put my own life first.

I'm always afraid of being too ballsy, or doing something wrong, to actually try and make things happen, but no one gets anywhere in this world without having to fight for their corner at times. When I really began to throw myself full-throttle at things, that's when my life began moving, I began to feel happier and I began to register just how much power I have over my own success and well-being. 

Like I said, we're the only ones who are fully able to influence the direction we go in, and I know for a fact that if I'd spent more time fully throwing myself in a certain direction, that I could have achieved a lot more by now. However, that's Holly thinking the glass is half empty again *slap on the wrist*. Okay, yes, I could have maybe done more amazing things by now, but I also have managed to do loads of incredible things despite that still - I have to remember that.

From now on, Me, Msyelf and I are my priority. I want to succeed and thrive in what I enjoy and where I'm taking myself through life, and I want to celebrate every victory, no matter how big or small. 

Every time I do something now, whether it's simply a good blog post, or a campaign with a brand I love, or I attend an event filled with amazing opportunities, I stop and I take it all in. I take the time to process just how much I've managed to do, and the fact that I've managed to get here all by myself (albeit somewhat bumpily, but still, I got here). 




Ultimately, not every day is going to be filled with self-confidence and elated emotions, but at least we can all try and take the time to focus on ourselves a bit more. It probably sounds like a broken-record at this point, because I know everyone out there is discussing the effects of social media and the way it plays on our mental health, but I think it's an important discussion. And, not even just the way social media effects us, but just our self-doubt and comparisons in general. It's necessary to try and implement those moments where we support ourselves and sing our own praises, because we all do so much in our lives, and I think it's good to celebrate that.

To everyone out there, no matter whether you're a blogger, or something completely different - everything you do, from writing that important email, to getting a promotion at work, or even just waking up in the morning when you're going through a rough time, is an achievement. You're doing YOU and that's the best thing ever.