"Mistakes are proof that you are trying"

Ever done something in the heat of the moment, in a state of panic, or without any rational thought process? Then instantly, a millisecond later, your heart is sinking down in your chest, your body fills with embarrassment, and you're left there thinking 'Why the hell did I just do that?'. 

Well, unfortunately for me guys (and anyone who associates themselves with me) my life is just one big circle of those moments.




I'm not ordinarily the kind of girl who lives impulsively: I am very organised, punctual and like to have some sort of plan or to-do list going on in my brain at all times. 

I like to know what I'm doing, when I'm doing it and why I'm doing it. I like to feel in control, to have thought things through, and to be really sure, really certain, of what's going on. 

I am very much a planner; I think of everything that can happen in every situation; I'll sit and ponder over the best possible outcome. I can't live life on the edge - fleetingly, spontaneously - it's just not who I am (or who you'd want me to be, to be honest).

I am organised, punctual and totally in control; I am on top of things; I do not want to make mistakes. However, it's the moment that you put me in a stressful situation, get me overthinking/worrying about something, that all of that seems to fly out the bloody window. 


EARRINGS - H&M

As soon as my anxiety kicks in, it's sayonara to 'calm and collected Hol' and it's hello to a 'breathless, worrying, panicky' version of myself.

I go from being the queen of to-do lists and punctuality, to the most irrational, erratic person you could come across. 

I suddenly cannot think straight; I cannot gather my thoughts together and think things over like I usually would. I go into a state of 'overload' where I'm just thinking about everything, and everything all at once, (meaning that the things I would usually think over and decide 'nah, I won't do that, that's a stupid idea', I end up doing anyway) (kill me now)

I just become totally, stupidly, impulsive. 



And, do you know what? Some people love to be impulsive. Some people have that 'not giving a f*ck' kind of mentality or just think about constantly living life as if there's no consequences to their actions; some people love that feeling of adrenaline or can just easily sweep things under the carpet like they never happened.

However, with me, there's always some kind of consequence to my actions; there's always some kind of regret, upset or embarrassment.

There's always that moment when I come down from the rush of the panic, when I finally catch my breathe, that I am left thinking 'Oh hol, you idiot'.

There's never a moment where I've calmed down after a stressful situation, returned back to reality and thought 'yep, everything is still fine', because, NOPE, I always manage to cause some kind of mess.



I'm left saying 'I'm sorry' a million times over, or cringing, wanting the ground to just open up and swallow me whole.

I'm left stood in a public place, with mascara running down my chin, walking back through a crowd of strangers in shame, or I'm simply just left with someone who I've pissed off, upset or irritated because I've bawled crying or stressed out over absolutely nothing.

URGH.

I'm just embarrassing, you see. 

I am an idiot.

I do really stupid things when I'm not thinking.

"I don't know what is worse, to overthink or to over-feel."

And, I wish I wasn't like that. I wish that even in my most 'panicky' moments, that I could be the calm, collected, organised person I usually am. I wish I could be the constant people pleaser or the girl who never does anything 'uncool' or 'annoying', but, alas, I am very 'uncool' and very 'annoying'.


I know that everyone is allowed their moments - everyone is allowed to make mistakes - but when you're left like I am, thinking of those embarrassing, impulsive moments, a good 6 months later, then it makes you want to avoid situations like that at all costs.

"Impulsiveness is the enemy of deep thinking"


I just want everything I say to be deliberate, I guess.

I don't want to upset or hurt people because of the things I do out of panic; I don't want to be left feeling embarrassed or stupid because I've gone and done something that I never normally would do; I don't want to be left feeling like an idiot like I do right now.

I just want to be in control of my actions - especially the stupid ones.

Shop the look here:


Impulses, Apologies & Feeling Like An Idiot


"Mistakes are proof that you are trying"

Ever done something in the heat of the moment, in a state of panic, or without any rational thought process? Then instantly, a millisecond later, your heart is sinking down in your chest, your body fills with embarrassment, and you're left there thinking 'Why the hell did I just do that?'. 

Well, unfortunately for me guys (and anyone who associates themselves with me) my life is just one big circle of those moments.




I'm not ordinarily the kind of girl who lives impulsively: I am very organised, punctual and like to have some sort of plan or to-do list going on in my brain at all times. 

I like to know what I'm doing, when I'm doing it and why I'm doing it. I like to feel in control, to have thought things through, and to be really sure, really certain, of what's going on. 

I am very much a planner; I think of everything that can happen in every situation; I'll sit and ponder over the best possible outcome. I can't live life on the edge - fleetingly, spontaneously - it's just not who I am (or who you'd want me to be, to be honest).

I am organised, punctual and totally in control; I am on top of things; I do not want to make mistakes. However, it's the moment that you put me in a stressful situation, get me overthinking/worrying about something, that all of that seems to fly out the bloody window. 


EARRINGS - H&M

As soon as my anxiety kicks in, it's sayonara to 'calm and collected Hol' and it's hello to a 'breathless, worrying, panicky' version of myself.

I go from being the queen of to-do lists and punctuality, to the most irrational, erratic person you could come across. 

I suddenly cannot think straight; I cannot gather my thoughts together and think things over like I usually would. I go into a state of 'overload' where I'm just thinking about everything, and everything all at once, (meaning that the things I would usually think over and decide 'nah, I won't do that, that's a stupid idea', I end up doing anyway) (kill me now)

I just become totally, stupidly, impulsive. 



And, do you know what? Some people love to be impulsive. Some people have that 'not giving a f*ck' kind of mentality or just think about constantly living life as if there's no consequences to their actions; some people love that feeling of adrenaline or can just easily sweep things under the carpet like they never happened.

However, with me, there's always some kind of consequence to my actions; there's always some kind of regret, upset or embarrassment.

There's always that moment when I come down from the rush of the panic, when I finally catch my breathe, that I am left thinking 'Oh hol, you idiot'.

There's never a moment where I've calmed down after a stressful situation, returned back to reality and thought 'yep, everything is still fine', because, NOPE, I always manage to cause some kind of mess.



I'm left saying 'I'm sorry' a million times over, or cringing, wanting the ground to just open up and swallow me whole.

I'm left stood in a public place, with mascara running down my chin, walking back through a crowd of strangers in shame, or I'm simply just left with someone who I've pissed off, upset or irritated because I've bawled crying or stressed out over absolutely nothing.

URGH.

I'm just embarrassing, you see. 

I am an idiot.

I do really stupid things when I'm not thinking.

"I don't know what is worse, to overthink or to over-feel."

And, I wish I wasn't like that. I wish that even in my most 'panicky' moments, that I could be the calm, collected, organised person I usually am. I wish I could be the constant people pleaser or the girl who never does anything 'uncool' or 'annoying', but, alas, I am very 'uncool' and very 'annoying'.


I know that everyone is allowed their moments - everyone is allowed to make mistakes - but when you're left like I am, thinking of those embarrassing, impulsive moments, a good 6 months later, then it makes you want to avoid situations like that at all costs.

"Impulsiveness is the enemy of deep thinking"


I just want everything I say to be deliberate, I guess.

I don't want to upset or hurt people because of the things I do out of panic; I don't want to be left feeling embarrassed or stupid because I've gone and done something that I never normally would do; I don't want to be left feeling like an idiot like I do right now.

I just want to be in control of my actions - especially the stupid ones.

Shop the look here:



"This is the beginning of anything you want"

Life sometimes places you on the edge of a building; it's high up, so high that the people below you looks like tiny little ants, swarming, moving around; and it asks you to jump off. Do you jump?

Your brain, your natural instinct, is screaming 'no, this is a terrible idea!' and you're clamping your feet into the ground, cementing yourself in one place. On the other hand, your heart is pushing you off the edge. Your heart convinces you that you've grown wings (much like drinking a can of Red Bull, I guess (#notspon)) and that you can fly. 

Do you listen to your head or your heart?






I used to listen to my head a lot.

I used to listen to the overthinking, the over-analyzing, and the constant anxiety that just hooks itself onto the back of my mind like a leach.

I used to think about every possible thing that could go wrong in every situation, and it would mean that I would  overthink things so much that I would convince myself out of doing things or seeing people. It would scare me, and freak me out so badly, that I'd avoid most situations altogether.

And, seriouslydon't get me wrong, I still listen to those thoughts now. I still sometimes succumb to the anxieties, the worries and the fears, but, at the end of the day, we all get scared, we all have things that we worry about and it's hard for that to not get in the way sometimes, and that's totally okay.






Despite sometimes giving into the craziness going on in my head, nowadays, I'm a big believer in pushing myself. I'm a big believer in 'grab every opportunity that you can'. If an opportunity comes my way, I'm going to take it (even if it means I need to grow some metaphorical Red Bull wings to help me get there lol).

I've started to ignore all of the worry and the fears as much as I possibly can, and I've just began focusing on the good things, the more positive aspects and the amazing things that could come from these 'daunting' opportunities that I would have initially turned down in the past.

And, do you know what? It's meant that I've had the most incredible year ever.






In terms of blogging, I've reached out to brands, I've attended events on my lonesome, and I've even arranged 1 on 1 meetings and phone calls (which totally used to terrify me). I've worked with companies that I've loved for years and done sponsored campaigns for things that I could only ever dream of.

And, then in terms of modelling too, I've been working my absolute arse off.

I've been travelling multiple days a week, shooting constantly, and booking jobs with brands I never thought in a million years I would be working with. I've really motivated myself to make the most of it and it's really starting to pay off, which is so incredibly exciting.

I've basically gone from being terrified of London and the opportunities that faced me, to taking London somewhat by storm and grabbing at every opportunity I can. And, I don't think I need to tell you that, the latter has left me in a much happier place.






Sure, there are times when you really do just have to let your anxieties win.

If you're so sick and so worried over a situation that it's causing you serious harm, then it probably not worth it. But, if it's something that you're umming and ahhing over, simply because you're scared of the tube or you don't know your way around an area, then that's when you should consider saying to yourself, 'do you know what? fuck it! let's go!' and just absolutely running with it.



So, I guess the question I'm going to leave you with is, do you listen to your head or your heart?

Do you jump, spread your wings, and fly? (lol, how cliche) or do you stay in one place, standing on the edge, watching the world move around below you?

Maybe you listen to both for now.

Maybe you start by dangling a foot off the edge of the building rather than throwing yourself off into the distance, or you could just completely go for it, soar off, dive head first, and start experiencing it all right here, right now. But, either way, don't cement yourself in one place, don't stop yourself from living the way you want to live.

We have to allow ourselves to grow, take opportunities and explore what life is giving us.

I can't wait to fill you all in on what life has thrown my way this year. It's full up of 'flying' moments haha ♥

Shop the look:



"What If I Fall?" "Oh, But My Darling, What If You Fly?"


"This is the beginning of anything you want"

Life sometimes places you on the edge of a building; it's high up, so high that the people below you looks like tiny little ants, swarming, moving around; and it asks you to jump off. Do you jump?

Your brain, your natural instinct, is screaming 'no, this is a terrible idea!' and you're clamping your feet into the ground, cementing yourself in one place. On the other hand, your heart is pushing you off the edge. Your heart convinces you that you've grown wings (much like drinking a can of Red Bull, I guess (#notspon)) and that you can fly. 

Do you listen to your head or your heart?






I used to listen to my head a lot.

I used to listen to the overthinking, the over-analyzing, and the constant anxiety that just hooks itself onto the back of my mind like a leach.

I used to think about every possible thing that could go wrong in every situation, and it would mean that I would  overthink things so much that I would convince myself out of doing things or seeing people. It would scare me, and freak me out so badly, that I'd avoid most situations altogether.

And, seriouslydon't get me wrong, I still listen to those thoughts now. I still sometimes succumb to the anxieties, the worries and the fears, but, at the end of the day, we all get scared, we all have things that we worry about and it's hard for that to not get in the way sometimes, and that's totally okay.






Despite sometimes giving into the craziness going on in my head, nowadays, I'm a big believer in pushing myself. I'm a big believer in 'grab every opportunity that you can'. If an opportunity comes my way, I'm going to take it (even if it means I need to grow some metaphorical Red Bull wings to help me get there lol).

I've started to ignore all of the worry and the fears as much as I possibly can, and I've just began focusing on the good things, the more positive aspects and the amazing things that could come from these 'daunting' opportunities that I would have initially turned down in the past.

And, do you know what? It's meant that I've had the most incredible year ever.






In terms of blogging, I've reached out to brands, I've attended events on my lonesome, and I've even arranged 1 on 1 meetings and phone calls (which totally used to terrify me). I've worked with companies that I've loved for years and done sponsored campaigns for things that I could only ever dream of.

And, then in terms of modelling too, I've been working my absolute arse off.

I've been travelling multiple days a week, shooting constantly, and booking jobs with brands I never thought in a million years I would be working with. I've really motivated myself to make the most of it and it's really starting to pay off, which is so incredibly exciting.

I've basically gone from being terrified of London and the opportunities that faced me, to taking London somewhat by storm and grabbing at every opportunity I can. And, I don't think I need to tell you that, the latter has left me in a much happier place.






Sure, there are times when you really do just have to let your anxieties win.

If you're so sick and so worried over a situation that it's causing you serious harm, then it probably not worth it. But, if it's something that you're umming and ahhing over, simply because you're scared of the tube or you don't know your way around an area, then that's when you should consider saying to yourself, 'do you know what? fuck it! let's go!' and just absolutely running with it.



So, I guess the question I'm going to leave you with is, do you listen to your head or your heart?

Do you jump, spread your wings, and fly? (lol, how cliche) or do you stay in one place, standing on the edge, watching the world move around below you?

Maybe you listen to both for now.

Maybe you start by dangling a foot off the edge of the building rather than throwing yourself off into the distance, or you could just completely go for it, soar off, dive head first, and start experiencing it all right here, right now. But, either way, don't cement yourself in one place, don't stop yourself from living the way you want to live.

We have to allow ourselves to grow, take opportunities and explore what life is giving us.

I can't wait to fill you all in on what life has thrown my way this year. It's full up of 'flying' moments haha ♥

Shop the look:




At the moment, I cannot breathe.

I cannot think properly, I cannot talk properly, I cannot function properly, I just feel all over the place.

I'm still so used to the idea of having loads of time on my hands; my brain still exists in the world where I had no job, spent my days wallowing away in self pity and hiding in my bedroom.

But, sadly for my 'just want to do sweet fuck all' mentality, things have changed: I'm adulting now, I'm working now, I'm living an actual life right now.

And, well, in this life, I've recently been back and to to London for modelling, attempting to fit in time to organise and shoot blogging collaborations/filming videos, making a conscious effort to eat well and workout at the gym, and also trying (but successfully failing) to keep up my social life and make plans with friends too.

It's been busy and, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO IT ALL, OKAY?!




But, you see, this 'trying to do it all' mentality is really starting to take it's toll on me.

As much as I am living this life, and I understand that I've got to do certain things to achieve what I want to achieve, it's still incredibly overwhelming.

In fact, today I received an email, about something which I should have jumped for joy over, or at least felt marginally happy about, but I read it, instantly felt my heart beat race, my head hurt, and I just... burst into tears.



"Something else?!" I thought. Something else to add to that mountain of a to-do list? Something else to fill in on my calendar? Something else I'd have to spend time and money on?

I just couldn't handle it. The idea completely drowned me - it swallowed me up.

So... I rang my Mum and I cried.




There's something about having a full calendar, having no free time, having not a single moment to come up for air, that I just genuinely cannot handle.

I'm the kind of person that needs days to myself to get my head, my life and my bloody Natwest account, organised and together again. I need a few days in a row to really let myself relax, or calm down, and I need home comforts and I need sleep... I need a lot of sleep. And, at the moment, I don't feel like I've had any of that in a really long time.



Now, I feel stupid complaining about my busyness, because, I won't lie, it's mainly down to amazing opportunities and life changing career thangggsss, but, to be brutally honest with you, I am just getting so drained by it all.

I am feeling so exhausted, so down, so... depressed at the moment, and it's really fucking hard.

It's really hard to wake up and put on this huge smile, or persona for people, when really I would love to just curl up in my duvet like a sausage roll and hide in bed for a little while - just like I used to do.

It's very difficult to be napping on trains, surrounded by school children (curse you summer holidays) and intense football fans (please shut up with your chanting), when I could be napping on my comfy couch or in my cosy bed instead.

It feels crappy to be stuck on the London underground, only getting a Wifi connection inbetween stops, whilst your friends are texting about planning nights out, or going out somewhere together.

It's just so heavy to feel so responsible and adult, and to be working all. of. the. time.




That's why when I rang my Mum and cried, I finally felt a bit of relief.

Sure, it was a panic-attack-induced sense of relief, but at least it felt kind of uplifting once I'd calmed down and taken a deep breath.

Crying so hard, so manically, not even really making any sense at all, allowed me to let out just a little bit of what has been going on in my head lately.

I often keep a lot of things to myself, so when I talk to people, even when it comes to how I'm feeling, it can feel almost 'organised' or 'robotic', because I tend to overthink how I should word things or how things will be construed. So, I guess that just blurting it all out in a state of panic, allowed me to feel everything that I usually suppress and carry on working through.



BOOTS - EGO

But, like I said, I do have an understanding of life, of the world, of the reason why I can't just keep hiding in bed anymore.

I know that these things are happening because I need them to happen to get to where I want to be and that having no time on my hands is weirdly a very good thing right now.


"There are victories, there are losses, there are the inbetweens"

But also, yeah, it's still very overwhelming. It's still eating me alive.  I'm trying to tackle everything at once and it's not easy.

I am excited about the opportunities that are coming my way, don't get me wrong, and my life could be wayyyyy worse than it is right now, but, god damn it, I really do feel low, I really do feel swamped, I really do feel 'not myself'.

I guess, just thank god for this blog for letting me type out my erratic emotions, and thank god for my Mum for letting me sob down the phone, whilst she was at the garden center (sorry Mum lol).

Let me know, do any of you ever feel like this? Do any of you bottle it all up until it you start to crack? Do you need a few days of TLC too? Please tell me I'm not the only one who's descending into 'workaholic madness'...

Shop the look here:



PANIC: I Have No Time On My Hands


At the moment, I cannot breathe.

I cannot think properly, I cannot talk properly, I cannot function properly, I just feel all over the place.

I'm still so used to the idea of having loads of time on my hands; my brain still exists in the world where I had no job, spent my days wallowing away in self pity and hiding in my bedroom.

But, sadly for my 'just want to do sweet fuck all' mentality, things have changed: I'm adulting now, I'm working now, I'm living an actual life right now.

And, well, in this life, I've recently been back and to to London for modelling, attempting to fit in time to organise and shoot blogging collaborations/filming videos, making a conscious effort to eat well and workout at the gym, and also trying (but successfully failing) to keep up my social life and make plans with friends too.

It's been busy and, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO IT ALL, OKAY?!




But, you see, this 'trying to do it all' mentality is really starting to take it's toll on me.

As much as I am living this life, and I understand that I've got to do certain things to achieve what I want to achieve, it's still incredibly overwhelming.

In fact, today I received an email, about something which I should have jumped for joy over, or at least felt marginally happy about, but I read it, instantly felt my heart beat race, my head hurt, and I just... burst into tears.



"Something else?!" I thought. Something else to add to that mountain of a to-do list? Something else to fill in on my calendar? Something else I'd have to spend time and money on?

I just couldn't handle it. The idea completely drowned me - it swallowed me up.

So... I rang my Mum and I cried.




There's something about having a full calendar, having no free time, having not a single moment to come up for air, that I just genuinely cannot handle.

I'm the kind of person that needs days to myself to get my head, my life and my bloody Natwest account, organised and together again. I need a few days in a row to really let myself relax, or calm down, and I need home comforts and I need sleep... I need a lot of sleep. And, at the moment, I don't feel like I've had any of that in a really long time.



Now, I feel stupid complaining about my busyness, because, I won't lie, it's mainly down to amazing opportunities and life changing career thangggsss, but, to be brutally honest with you, I am just getting so drained by it all.

I am feeling so exhausted, so down, so... depressed at the moment, and it's really fucking hard.

It's really hard to wake up and put on this huge smile, or persona for people, when really I would love to just curl up in my duvet like a sausage roll and hide in bed for a little while - just like I used to do.

It's very difficult to be napping on trains, surrounded by school children (curse you summer holidays) and intense football fans (please shut up with your chanting), when I could be napping on my comfy couch or in my cosy bed instead.

It feels crappy to be stuck on the London underground, only getting a Wifi connection inbetween stops, whilst your friends are texting about planning nights out, or going out somewhere together.

It's just so heavy to feel so responsible and adult, and to be working all. of. the. time.




That's why when I rang my Mum and cried, I finally felt a bit of relief.

Sure, it was a panic-attack-induced sense of relief, but at least it felt kind of uplifting once I'd calmed down and taken a deep breath.

Crying so hard, so manically, not even really making any sense at all, allowed me to let out just a little bit of what has been going on in my head lately.

I often keep a lot of things to myself, so when I talk to people, even when it comes to how I'm feeling, it can feel almost 'organised' or 'robotic', because I tend to overthink how I should word things or how things will be construed. So, I guess that just blurting it all out in a state of panic, allowed me to feel everything that I usually suppress and carry on working through.



BOOTS - EGO

But, like I said, I do have an understanding of life, of the world, of the reason why I can't just keep hiding in bed anymore.

I know that these things are happening because I need them to happen to get to where I want to be and that having no time on my hands is weirdly a very good thing right now.


"There are victories, there are losses, there are the inbetweens"

But also, yeah, it's still very overwhelming. It's still eating me alive.  I'm trying to tackle everything at once and it's not easy.

I am excited about the opportunities that are coming my way, don't get me wrong, and my life could be wayyyyy worse than it is right now, but, god damn it, I really do feel low, I really do feel swamped, I really do feel 'not myself'.

I guess, just thank god for this blog for letting me type out my erratic emotions, and thank god for my Mum for letting me sob down the phone, whilst she was at the garden center (sorry Mum lol).

Let me know, do any of you ever feel like this? Do any of you bottle it all up until it you start to crack? Do you need a few days of TLC too? Please tell me I'm not the only one who's descending into 'workaholic madness'...

Shop the look here:




This blog can be a little bit of a mopey, morbid place sometimes, can't it?

This ol' space on the internet is just filled up with my inner thoughts, my inner feelings and my inner wonderings, a lot of which are very complex, very deep and a bit intense. So, something which I often fail to document on here is the 'good stuff' - the stuff I've got to be happy about.

You see, I was recently reading one of my favourite blogs everrrr, Pages By Megan, and Megan had written a post all about the things she'd been loving at that moment in time. I just found it really refreshing to read about what was making her happy, because by the end of it I was happy too!

So, today I wanted to take a page out of Megan's book (no pun intended there lol), and I'm going to discuss some 'Things To Be Happy About'.

(If you guys like it, I'm thinking of making it into a bit of series on here, to remind me to share the positives every now and again - let me know what you think!)






1. Health & Fitness

Over the past month I have truly thrown myself back into a healthy routine. I am eating and enjoying tasty, healthy foods everyday, whilst also working out at the gym at least 3 times a week. I'm so happy to say that I can already see a difference compared to last month (where i'd slipped back into some old 'binge eating' habits and was starting to get quite down again). I'm feeling a lot more confident, which is nice!

2. My Boyfriend

You see guys, I have never been in love before; in fact, I've never even had a boyfriend before; but some how, some way, here I am, all loved up.

(I don't want to waffle on too much about this, because I've already touched on it before, but it felt relevant to be included in this post.)

I often used to roll my eyes and want to yell 'oh shut up' when people used to tell me this, but it really does happen when you least expect it. One day, I was single, trawling through Tinder, in the hopes of finding a knight in shining armor, then the next thing I know, I've got some 6'1, knight in shining... Nikes? sliding into my DMs and asking me on a date.







3. Photo-shoots

Recently I've done some amazing shoots which I just can't wait to share with you!

A week or so ago, I shot with Darina, who is an amazing film photographer, whos work I just instantly fell in love with. (You can check out her work here: www.darinaphotographer.com/). I adored everything from the styling, to the colours - so to get to work with her was fab!

Prior to that, I did an incredibly fun shoot with my modelling agency, IMM models.

They got a bunch of us down to London for a big shoot together, where I basically just spent my day dancing and singing the Estelle's American Boy and meeting other lovely and amazing models. It was just a bloody fabulous day!

4. Zara Pre-Fall Collection

Oh my god. Zara have done it again.

If I could, I would be buying everything from their 'New In' pages right now.

Everything from the over-sized knits, to the chunky earrings and colour clashing, is just right up my street and I'm just hoping that within the next couple of days I win the Euro Millions or something, simply so I can buy it ALLLLLL.

I get so excited when new season Zara arrives, especially when they just completely nail it (which, they pretty much always do...)








5. Booking My Driving Test

What has two thumbs, has taken a leap, and has booked her driving test? *enthusiastically points at herself* THIS GAL, THAT'S WHO!

So, finally, after over a year and half of slowly learning how to drive, I've finally bitten the bullet and booked my test.

I started the year by passing my theory test, which was super exciting and such a weight off my shoulders, so fingers crossed, if I can actually pass this too, I'll be on the roads in no time and I'll have had a year of many driving triumphs! (you've been warned... stay in your houses)

6. Dunkirk

Okay guys, I really just need to mention Dunkirk.

This film had me on the edge of my seat from start to finish, the cinematography was beautiful and the acting was just faultless.

From the moment the film began, to the minute it ended, I was glued to the screen, gasping, crying, holding my face out of pure stress and tension - it just had me reacting the exact way I would have wanted to react to a film like that.

One thing that truly stood out for me as well, was the lack of dialogue throughout it. The fact that the story is able to be told in such a way, without a load of nonsense dialogue thrown in there to fill time, is actually really beautiful.

It's a story that doesn't need to be over sold, but a story that should spark emotion, have you in the moment, and capture history, and I really appreciated that.







7. My Beans 

Ah yes, my beans are all home! (If you're wondering what the hell I keep mentioning beans for, it's what me and my friends call each other, I've not got a craving for some Heinz).

My friends are back from Uni and we've all been reunited. Despite the fact that I'm a total workaholic, with barely any bloody free time on my hands (seriously, someone force me to a chill day ASAP, please?!), I've managed to have a couple of catch ups and cute evenings with my lovely pals and it's just been really nice.

I often find it really difficult to draw myself away from working and organise things with my little gang, but I've been trying my hardest to do so more often, because they're just the bloody best bunch of people, and I should spend the most time with them that I can!

8. Blog Content

And finally, my blog content.

I've been so so happy with the content I've been creating recently. I'm so happy with the images, with the writing and the topics I've been discussing. I feel like I've really found myself when it comes to my blog, and to be creating content that I just truly love, is very very important to me.

It's nice to feel like I'm not trying to compete with other people's work and to just do my own thing - it's totally refreshing!

"No one is you, and that is your power"

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Things To Be Happy About


This blog can be a little bit of a mopey, morbid place sometimes, can't it?

This ol' space on the internet is just filled up with my inner thoughts, my inner feelings and my inner wonderings, a lot of which are very complex, very deep and a bit intense. So, something which I often fail to document on here is the 'good stuff' - the stuff I've got to be happy about.

You see, I was recently reading one of my favourite blogs everrrr, Pages By Megan, and Megan had written a post all about the things she'd been loving at that moment in time. I just found it really refreshing to read about what was making her happy, because by the end of it I was happy too!

So, today I wanted to take a page out of Megan's book (no pun intended there lol), and I'm going to discuss some 'Things To Be Happy About'.

(If you guys like it, I'm thinking of making it into a bit of series on here, to remind me to share the positives every now and again - let me know what you think!)






1. Health & Fitness

Over the past month I have truly thrown myself back into a healthy routine. I am eating and enjoying tasty, healthy foods everyday, whilst also working out at the gym at least 3 times a week. I'm so happy to say that I can already see a difference compared to last month (where i'd slipped back into some old 'binge eating' habits and was starting to get quite down again). I'm feeling a lot more confident, which is nice!

2. My Boyfriend

You see guys, I have never been in love before; in fact, I've never even had a boyfriend before; but some how, some way, here I am, all loved up.

(I don't want to waffle on too much about this, because I've already touched on it before, but it felt relevant to be included in this post.)

I often used to roll my eyes and want to yell 'oh shut up' when people used to tell me this, but it really does happen when you least expect it. One day, I was single, trawling through Tinder, in the hopes of finding a knight in shining armor, then the next thing I know, I've got some 6'1, knight in shining... Nikes? sliding into my DMs and asking me on a date.







3. Photo-shoots

Recently I've done some amazing shoots which I just can't wait to share with you!

A week or so ago, I shot with Darina, who is an amazing film photographer, whos work I just instantly fell in love with. (You can check out her work here: www.darinaphotographer.com/). I adored everything from the styling, to the colours - so to get to work with her was fab!

Prior to that, I did an incredibly fun shoot with my modelling agency, IMM models.

They got a bunch of us down to London for a big shoot together, where I basically just spent my day dancing and singing the Estelle's American Boy and meeting other lovely and amazing models. It was just a bloody fabulous day!

4. Zara Pre-Fall Collection

Oh my god. Zara have done it again.

If I could, I would be buying everything from their 'New In' pages right now.

Everything from the over-sized knits, to the chunky earrings and colour clashing, is just right up my street and I'm just hoping that within the next couple of days I win the Euro Millions or something, simply so I can buy it ALLLLLL.

I get so excited when new season Zara arrives, especially when they just completely nail it (which, they pretty much always do...)








5. Booking My Driving Test

What has two thumbs, has taken a leap, and has booked her driving test? *enthusiastically points at herself* THIS GAL, THAT'S WHO!

So, finally, after over a year and half of slowly learning how to drive, I've finally bitten the bullet and booked my test.

I started the year by passing my theory test, which was super exciting and such a weight off my shoulders, so fingers crossed, if I can actually pass this too, I'll be on the roads in no time and I'll have had a year of many driving triumphs! (you've been warned... stay in your houses)

6. Dunkirk

Okay guys, I really just need to mention Dunkirk.

This film had me on the edge of my seat from start to finish, the cinematography was beautiful and the acting was just faultless.

From the moment the film began, to the minute it ended, I was glued to the screen, gasping, crying, holding my face out of pure stress and tension - it just had me reacting the exact way I would have wanted to react to a film like that.

One thing that truly stood out for me as well, was the lack of dialogue throughout it. The fact that the story is able to be told in such a way, without a load of nonsense dialogue thrown in there to fill time, is actually really beautiful.

It's a story that doesn't need to be over sold, but a story that should spark emotion, have you in the moment, and capture history, and I really appreciated that.







7. My Beans 

Ah yes, my beans are all home! (If you're wondering what the hell I keep mentioning beans for, it's what me and my friends call each other, I've not got a craving for some Heinz).

My friends are back from Uni and we've all been reunited. Despite the fact that I'm a total workaholic, with barely any bloody free time on my hands (seriously, someone force me to a chill day ASAP, please?!), I've managed to have a couple of catch ups and cute evenings with my lovely pals and it's just been really nice.

I often find it really difficult to draw myself away from working and organise things with my little gang, but I've been trying my hardest to do so more often, because they're just the bloody best bunch of people, and I should spend the most time with them that I can!

8. Blog Content

And finally, my blog content.

I've been so so happy with the content I've been creating recently. I'm so happy with the images, with the writing and the topics I've been discussing. I feel like I've really found myself when it comes to my blog, and to be creating content that I just truly love, is very very important to me.

It's nice to feel like I'm not trying to compete with other people's work and to just do my own thing - it's totally refreshing!

"No one is you, and that is your power"

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