Let me let you in on a little secret... I have no idea what I'm doing.

Yep, that's right, I'm completely and utterly clueless.

For a long time I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life. I didn't know if I wanted to be a teacher, an actress, a plumber, a builder, a writer, a porn star (this one's a joke)... I just felt lost. I thought that once I'd found my calling, I'd finally feel like I knew what I was doing. I thought that I'd be organised and I'd be an 'adult'. But well, Holly of the past, I'm sorry to break it you, but it just doesn't work like that.




JACKET - ZARA // PLAYSUIT - MISSGUIDED // EARRINGS - M&S

Weirdly, I guess I would say that I have 'found my calling'. Blogging and Modelling are definitely something that I want to turn into my full time jobs one day (even though it's pretty much what I do now, I don't earn enough to pay my own bills lol). Even if that doesn't work out though, at least I know that I love being in a creative field and I've learnt some valuable lessons. However, the thing is, I spend all of my time thinking 'am I doing this right?' 'is that what she does or what they do?' 'should I know what that is?' 'should I have one of those?' 'do I look like an idiot?' and it just leaves my brain in one big mush.

I think about things like money and I instantly just get this gut feeling that screams 'YOU ARE SO UNORGANISED' or 'girlll... put the shoes down and walk away' and it leaves me feeling like I'll never know anything about it. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I know the money that I have, I know the money that I spend and I know the money that I'm owed, but at the same time, I just look at it all like 'huh?' and it's like things start moving in slow motion (#shook). People bring things up like taxes or VAT and I just sit there thinking 'what???', and it scares me. Will I ever be able to 'adult'?





I am already Little Miss Super Organised And Punctual (wouldn't that make a great Mr Men character? No?), but this year, I want to be organised in a different sense: I want to feel like I know what I'm doing; I want to understand money, I want to be more professional, I want to feel like a bad-ass business gal - I want to make shit happen. I guess I'm just a bit tired of feeling like I'm wandering without any idea of what's actually happening.

I know that a lot of you out there will relate... I mean let's be real, does anyone really have any idea of what they're doing? or are we all just 'winging it'? because I'll be honest, I'm totally 'winging it' right now. Nevertheless, don't you think it'd be nice to feel like you weren't? To feel like you were actually 'adulting'?




PHOTOGRAPHY BY JOE GALVIN

I suppose the word 'adulting' is a weird one (and not just because it's not even a real word) (I'm not even sure if I should define myself as an 'adult' yet, or am I still a 'teenager'?). Just because I'm an 'adult' (or a 'teenager' lol), does that mean I should know everything, be organised, move out of my parents house, go and live in a big city working for a huge corporate company or something, like an adult should? I don't know. Either way, I work for myself most of the time and that means I need to be a bit more clued up about things, which is absolutely terrifying.

Still, if you don't know what you're doing, don't worry, I don't think anyone really does. Just take each day at a time and try to keep on top of whatever it is that you are doing. It is so scary to feel like you're lost and not going anywhere, but, as I always say, things will always work themselves out - they have to!

Thanks again to Joe Galvin for these fabulous photos! How cool are they?! Check out his website here!

Shop this look:


I Have No Idea What I'm Doing


Let me let you in on a little secret... I have no idea what I'm doing.

Yep, that's right, I'm completely and utterly clueless.

For a long time I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life. I didn't know if I wanted to be a teacher, an actress, a plumber, a builder, a writer, a porn star (this one's a joke)... I just felt lost. I thought that once I'd found my calling, I'd finally feel like I knew what I was doing. I thought that I'd be organised and I'd be an 'adult'. But well, Holly of the past, I'm sorry to break it you, but it just doesn't work like that.




JACKET - ZARA // PLAYSUIT - MISSGUIDED // EARRINGS - M&S

Weirdly, I guess I would say that I have 'found my calling'. Blogging and Modelling are definitely something that I want to turn into my full time jobs one day (even though it's pretty much what I do now, I don't earn enough to pay my own bills lol). Even if that doesn't work out though, at least I know that I love being in a creative field and I've learnt some valuable lessons. However, the thing is, I spend all of my time thinking 'am I doing this right?' 'is that what she does or what they do?' 'should I know what that is?' 'should I have one of those?' 'do I look like an idiot?' and it just leaves my brain in one big mush.

I think about things like money and I instantly just get this gut feeling that screams 'YOU ARE SO UNORGANISED' or 'girlll... put the shoes down and walk away' and it leaves me feeling like I'll never know anything about it. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I know the money that I have, I know the money that I spend and I know the money that I'm owed, but at the same time, I just look at it all like 'huh?' and it's like things start moving in slow motion (#shook). People bring things up like taxes or VAT and I just sit there thinking 'what???', and it scares me. Will I ever be able to 'adult'?





I am already Little Miss Super Organised And Punctual (wouldn't that make a great Mr Men character? No?), but this year, I want to be organised in a different sense: I want to feel like I know what I'm doing; I want to understand money, I want to be more professional, I want to feel like a bad-ass business gal - I want to make shit happen. I guess I'm just a bit tired of feeling like I'm wandering without any idea of what's actually happening.

I know that a lot of you out there will relate... I mean let's be real, does anyone really have any idea of what they're doing? or are we all just 'winging it'? because I'll be honest, I'm totally 'winging it' right now. Nevertheless, don't you think it'd be nice to feel like you weren't? To feel like you were actually 'adulting'?




PHOTOGRAPHY BY JOE GALVIN

I suppose the word 'adulting' is a weird one (and not just because it's not even a real word) (I'm not even sure if I should define myself as an 'adult' yet, or am I still a 'teenager'?). Just because I'm an 'adult' (or a 'teenager' lol), does that mean I should know everything, be organised, move out of my parents house, go and live in a big city working for a huge corporate company or something, like an adult should? I don't know. Either way, I work for myself most of the time and that means I need to be a bit more clued up about things, which is absolutely terrifying.

Still, if you don't know what you're doing, don't worry, I don't think anyone really does. Just take each day at a time and try to keep on top of whatever it is that you are doing. It is so scary to feel like you're lost and not going anywhere, but, as I always say, things will always work themselves out - they have to!

Thanks again to Joe Galvin for these fabulous photos! How cool are they?! Check out his website here!

Shop this look:


Read more »


If you read my post 'I Feel Free: How I Dealt With OCD', then you'll know that I've struggled with obsessive behaviors surrounding time and timings for a while now. I basically created a routine in my head and had compulsions to do certain things at certain times. Since writing that post I've really tried to 'let go' a little bit. I've been trying to be more free and easy going and go with the flow. I've been trying to not let the clock control my decisions: I often say no to things because I can't deal with not being 'in control', or not doing something specific at a time that that thing might conflict with. It's been hard, but it's slowly working and I'm changing.

I was recently contacted by Daniel Wellington, asking if I'd like to receive some pieces from them. I said yes, and once they arrived, something really struck a chord with me: I've never really worn a watch. I've never grown up wearing a watch, having a miniature clock strapped to my wrist - it was only over the past few years that I began looking at the clock and using 'time' as some weird form of 'allowance'. 



It just made me think about how free I used to be from time and timings. When I was younger, I would never look at a clock and be like, 'no sorry, I can't, I have to brush the floor at that time' (yeah, I have a specific time in my head for that... don't judge me haha), I would just be like 'yeah! let's go!'. I need to start being more like that now. But, you see, I don't want that to stop me from being able to wear beautiful pieces like these from Daniel Wellington. So, today, I want to take the 'time' element away from watches and look at them more as a piece of fashion. 

A watch can be such a fab accessory, not just be used to tell the time. I always love the contrast between the clock face and the strap, and the great thing about Daniel Wellington watches is that all the straps are interchangeable, meaning that you're able to mix and match. 

Personally, I really love dark straps on watches - I just think it makes the face stand out so much more. The watches I chose were the Cornwall Classic Black and the Reading Classic Black. I love the way that the rose gold and the silver look against the black straps and yet, the straps are still so interesting due to the different textures! I think each strap would work wonderfully with each face and would add just that little something extra to a look. 



Daniel Wellington also sent me their Classic Cuff in silver - something else that is simple, yet just adds something to an outfit. It's gorgeously engraved with the brand name and came in a gorgeous little box. It would be perfect paired with the silver watch.

If you're looking for your own 'timeless' piece then you can shop these below:


You're Timeless To Me


If you read my post 'I Feel Free: How I Dealt With OCD', then you'll know that I've struggled with obsessive behaviors surrounding time and timings for a while now. I basically created a routine in my head and had compulsions to do certain things at certain times. Since writing that post I've really tried to 'let go' a little bit. I've been trying to be more free and easy going and go with the flow. I've been trying to not let the clock control my decisions: I often say no to things because I can't deal with not being 'in control', or not doing something specific at a time that that thing might conflict with. It's been hard, but it's slowly working and I'm changing.

I was recently contacted by Daniel Wellington, asking if I'd like to receive some pieces from them. I said yes, and once they arrived, something really struck a chord with me: I've never really worn a watch. I've never grown up wearing a watch, having a miniature clock strapped to my wrist - it was only over the past few years that I began looking at the clock and using 'time' as some weird form of 'allowance'. 



It just made me think about how free I used to be from time and timings. When I was younger, I would never look at a clock and be like, 'no sorry, I can't, I have to brush the floor at that time' (yeah, I have a specific time in my head for that... don't judge me haha), I would just be like 'yeah! let's go!'. I need to start being more like that now. But, you see, I don't want that to stop me from being able to wear beautiful pieces like these from Daniel Wellington. So, today, I want to take the 'time' element away from watches and look at them more as a piece of fashion. 

A watch can be such a fab accessory, not just be used to tell the time. I always love the contrast between the clock face and the strap, and the great thing about Daniel Wellington watches is that all the straps are interchangeable, meaning that you're able to mix and match. 

Personally, I really love dark straps on watches - I just think it makes the face stand out so much more. The watches I chose were the Cornwall Classic Black and the Reading Classic Black. I love the way that the rose gold and the silver look against the black straps and yet, the straps are still so interesting due to the different textures! I think each strap would work wonderfully with each face and would add just that little something extra to a look. 



Daniel Wellington also sent me their Classic Cuff in silver - something else that is simple, yet just adds something to an outfit. It's gorgeously engraved with the brand name and came in a gorgeous little box. It would be perfect paired with the silver watch.

If you're looking for your own 'timeless' piece then you can shop these below:


Read more »

Who likes to stick to the 'norms' of fashion? Not me! I love playing around with styling and textures, and sometimes I even dabble in a bit of colour. I love how fashion gives me creative freedom and the ability to express myself. I think it's fun to try and mix things up and break away from 'traditional' style. 

I like to break away from the 'norms' of everything really. I don't like being sectioned off into one little description that I'm not allowed to break away from. We're changing creatures, we need to be allowed to experiment and have fun - whether that be in everyday life or with our style! 

Something that is normally considered a more 'casual' piece, is anything that comes under the 'denim' genre. Denim is always seen as something you'd throw on to create a day-time look or something a bit more 'street-fashion'. The thing is though, why does it have to be? Just because most people wouldn't think to grab for a denim jacket or a pair of jeans for a more formal occasion, doesn't mean that you can't. All style is personal, and if you feel amazing and confident in denim, then you bloody well wear it!


TOP - NEW LOOK // JEANS - NEW LOOK

We have the tendency to want to 'fit in' and we fear rejection. The world tries to shape us to be a specific type of person or to look or dress in a certain way. Conforming to the norms just stops your creative side from being free - it stops you from expressing who you are and even just finding out who you want to be. I don't think people realise just how much fashion can be a brilliant way of expressing feelings and showing who we are as human beings. We need to stop worrying about what everyone else is thinking - you do you. Don't follow the 'rules' just because that's what the world wants you to do, it's so much more fun to break free and be your own person. And so, if that means you love a good bit of denim in your outfit, then so be it!

Anyway, denim is such a fun piece to style with, so why not style it for every occasion? I think it's got such a lovely sense of 'character' about it - especially distressed denim or anything with a little added extra, like embroidery. I feel like the denim you choose to wear can really show who you are or what mood you're in. 


BLAZER - NEW LOOK

New Look have asked me to work with them on their Denim vs Formal campaign. For this look I really wanted to challenge the 'norms' and style some distressed denim for a more formal/evening occasion. Sometimes, although slipping on a pretty dress or a frilly skirt can make you feel amazing, it's nice to create a look that's a little more edgy and fun for a formal occasion too.  

I decided to style this amazing pair of Black Washed Ripped Knee Mom Jeans along with this fabulous Silver V-Neck Metallic Sleeveless Bodysuit and this White Satin Trim Blazer. I thought that the silver bodysuit added a touch of 'glam' (something you'd normally get with a glitzy dress or skirt) and the white blazer contrasted perfectly with the ripped jeans. The mom jean has such a casual style, yet paired with a blazer and sassy top, like I've done here, they work perfectly for a more 'formal' look. The look is a total oxymoron and I love it! It just goes to show, there's nothing wrong with breaking out from the 'norms' and doing a little experimenting.


"Be free"

So today, my challenge for you is: break out from the norm. Try something new with your sense of style (or anything else for that matter), do something you wouldn't normally do and let yourself be as creative as possible. Fashion should be fun and we shouldn't be tied down to one particularly genre of style or be told what we can and cannot wear for specific occasions.

You could even try creating your own denim/formal look if you fancy. Or if you'd simply like to recreate this one, then make sure you head to the New Look website!

Mixing Denim & Formal

Who likes to stick to the 'norms' of fashion? Not me! I love playing around with styling and textures, and sometimes I even dabble in a bit of colour. I love how fashion gives me creative freedom and the ability to express myself. I think it's fun to try and mix things up and break away from 'traditional' style. 

I like to break away from the 'norms' of everything really. I don't like being sectioned off into one little description that I'm not allowed to break away from. We're changing creatures, we need to be allowed to experiment and have fun - whether that be in everyday life or with our style! 

Something that is normally considered a more 'casual' piece, is anything that comes under the 'denim' genre. Denim is always seen as something you'd throw on to create a day-time look or something a bit more 'street-fashion'. The thing is though, why does it have to be? Just because most people wouldn't think to grab for a denim jacket or a pair of jeans for a more formal occasion, doesn't mean that you can't. All style is personal, and if you feel amazing and confident in denim, then you bloody well wear it!


TOP - NEW LOOK // JEANS - NEW LOOK

We have the tendency to want to 'fit in' and we fear rejection. The world tries to shape us to be a specific type of person or to look or dress in a certain way. Conforming to the norms just stops your creative side from being free - it stops you from expressing who you are and even just finding out who you want to be. I don't think people realise just how much fashion can be a brilliant way of expressing feelings and showing who we are as human beings. We need to stop worrying about what everyone else is thinking - you do you. Don't follow the 'rules' just because that's what the world wants you to do, it's so much more fun to break free and be your own person. And so, if that means you love a good bit of denim in your outfit, then so be it!

Anyway, denim is such a fun piece to style with, so why not style it for every occasion? I think it's got such a lovely sense of 'character' about it - especially distressed denim or anything with a little added extra, like embroidery. I feel like the denim you choose to wear can really show who you are or what mood you're in. 


BLAZER - NEW LOOK

New Look have asked me to work with them on their Denim vs Formal campaign. For this look I really wanted to challenge the 'norms' and style some distressed denim for a more formal/evening occasion. Sometimes, although slipping on a pretty dress or a frilly skirt can make you feel amazing, it's nice to create a look that's a little more edgy and fun for a formal occasion too.  

I decided to style this amazing pair of Black Washed Ripped Knee Mom Jeans along with this fabulous Silver V-Neck Metallic Sleeveless Bodysuit and this White Satin Trim Blazer. I thought that the silver bodysuit added a touch of 'glam' (something you'd normally get with a glitzy dress or skirt) and the white blazer contrasted perfectly with the ripped jeans. The mom jean has such a casual style, yet paired with a blazer and sassy top, like I've done here, they work perfectly for a more 'formal' look. The look is a total oxymoron and I love it! It just goes to show, there's nothing wrong with breaking out from the 'norms' and doing a little experimenting.


"Be free"

So today, my challenge for you is: break out from the norm. Try something new with your sense of style (or anything else for that matter), do something you wouldn't normally do and let yourself be as creative as possible. Fashion should be fun and we shouldn't be tied down to one particularly genre of style or be told what we can and cannot wear for specific occasions.

You could even try creating your own denim/formal look if you fancy. Or if you'd simply like to recreate this one, then make sure you head to the New Look website!
Read more »

That's right guys, I went on a date... In fact, I've been on more than one.

Going on a date always seemed like it would be such a pinnacle moment in my life. I set these super high expectations (like I do with everything) and welll.... dates just aren't like they are in the movies, are they?... Although I could sit here and write blog post after blog post, about all the different dates I've been on, I thought I'd go for a more 'reflective' vibe, because I tell you what, going on dates actually taught me a lot about myself.



1. DATES DON'T SCARE ME

Now, considering I'm a sufferer of anxiety and various other mental illnesses, you'd think I'd be an absolute nervous wreck when it comes to going on a date, but actually, I'm quite the opposite.

The whole idea of a 'date' is totally terrifying, isn't it? I mean, you're basically sitting across and talking to someone who's never met you before and is sat there completely judging you. They're looking at your outfit, your hair, listening to what you say... daunting, right? Well, for some strange reason, nothing about that scares me.

I think it's maybe because I kind of just think 'don't like me, don't care'. I've reached a point in my life where I honestly don't care if you don't like me, because at the end of the day, there are people out there that do, so I can just talk to them instead. If someone isn't the person for you, or you're not 'clicking', then I've just learnt to forget about it - not everyone is going to like you, and that's okay.  Anyway, I also think one of the main reasons that I don't get that scared about them, is probably also the fact that I'm so used to having to go and meet random people all of time anyway (lol that sounds so weird). With modelling, you have to go to castings and impress, sometimes a room full of people, and you only get one chance to do so. I'll have to go and meet photographers for shoots and I'll have never met them before in my life! The same goes for blogging too. I'll go to events and meet people who I've only ever spoken to online or I'll, again, go to shoot some outfits with a photographer. I guess I'm just kind of used to dealing with 'stranger danger' (lol) and having to make a good first impression.



2. I CAN TALK... A LOT

One thing that is incredibly worrying, on a first date especially, is the idea of not having anything to talk about. The idea of any sort of awkward silence or uncomfortable difference in interest, is literally a dating worst nightmare. However, I've never really experienced that yet. I think it's genuinely because I just talk... about anything.. all. the. time. I find it easy to talk about anything and everything and usually, I just talk about myself or something incredibly generic (like the weather for example). If worst comes to worst, my advice is: just say anything. I've found that, even if the date is a complete 'no' from the moment it starts, I can keep the conversation up for the next few hours (until I finally escape and can breathe a sigh of relief that I no longer have to chat about the fact that 'the weather's awful today')

I've been on first dates where we've spoken about politics and world events and then on other dates where I've spoken about nights out and being too drunk - it just depends on the feel for the conversation I suppose. But either way, I don't think I've had to deal with too many awkward silences just yet.


3. I OPEN UP TO PEOPLE VERY EASILY

 This one might not necessarily be a positive thing, but let's just talk about it a little bit.

I am someone who is very open about what they've been through - especially nowadays. I have no shame in sharing what I've been through or what I'm going through, because at the end of the day, that's me... it's a big part of me.

Like I said earlier, I have the mentality of 'don't like me, don't care', so I tend to find that I avoid people who don't really take much interest in things like my blog or whatever. However, I've been in situations, with people I thought were 'right' and felt comfortable with, where I've brought up my mental health or things that have happened to me, and I've not really received a response that has made me feel that great. I've told people things that are quite personal and then been left a little bit, well... upset. I didn't feel comforted, or like it didn't matter and that they liked 'me for me', I felt embarrassed (something which I never usually feel) and like I wanted to run away and hide. I instantly regretted opening up.

On the other hand, I've been on dates where I've opened up about things, things that I've never even talked about on here before, or even to anyone else, and it's been lovely. I've told them some deep dark secrets and they've made me feel so good about it - not like I should just shut up and never mention it again.

So I guess, I've learnt to judge better when it comes to opening up to people. I need to know that the person I'm telling stuff too, is worth telling.



4. I DEFINITELY DO HAVE A TYPE

I'm someone who never thought they had a type. I was all like 'Oh, I don't really care... anyone with a pulse to be honest'... but oh, my. god. (you have to read that in Janice's voice from Friends) I am such a picky little bitch. I never even realised it before, but I literally have my ideal man, illustrated perfectly in my mind.

I won't describe him to you on here, because if my future boyf (if there ever is one) or husband (if there ever is one) ever reads this, and he doesn't fit the description, I'm going to feel really bad. But the thing is, I never even noticed how much more attracted I am to a specific type of person than I am to another. I know what I want and unfortunately, when people haven't met that description, I feel like everything has just fallen a bit 'flat'. Hopefully, one day, someone might fit the description. (where for art thou Prince Charming?)

Physical attraction is incredibly important. The physical attraction needs to be there, just as much as an emotional connection needs to be there. Without any sort of thought like 'omg, he's so hot', there's never going to be that 'spark' that I want.



5. WHEN I MEET SOMEONE, I'LL KNOW

I've spent a lot of time thinking that there was something wrong with me. No matter who I went on a date with or what we talked about, there always seemed to be something missing. I began thinking I was incapable of any emotion - I just didn't feel anything. As much as I thought someone was a great guy or was really attractive, I just wasn't getting that 'spark' or 'connection' that people talk about. I didn't even feel butterflies.

(I'd love to talk about the above ^^ more in depth in another blog post, so let me know if you'd like to see that)

I dwelled on this for soooo long, but now I realise it's because the people weren't right. The people I spoke to and dated, weren't right and you really can't force something like that. When the person is right, that's when I'll get the 'spark' and the 'butterflies' and I'll know. (lol cringe Hol haha)

"There's nothing more intimate in life than simply being understood and understanding someone else"

So, yep, there you go. That's what I've learnt from my very short and small amount of dating. Let me know down in the comments what dating is like for you and whether we have anything in common!

Shop the look here:


What I've Learnt About Myself From Going On Dates

That's right guys, I went on a date... In fact, I've been on more than one.

Going on a date always seemed like it would be such a pinnacle moment in my life. I set these super high expectations (like I do with everything) and welll.... dates just aren't like they are in the movies, are they?... Although I could sit here and write blog post after blog post, about all the different dates I've been on, I thought I'd go for a more 'reflective' vibe, because I tell you what, going on dates actually taught me a lot about myself.



1. DATES DON'T SCARE ME

Now, considering I'm a sufferer of anxiety and various other mental illnesses, you'd think I'd be an absolute nervous wreck when it comes to going on a date, but actually, I'm quite the opposite.

The whole idea of a 'date' is totally terrifying, isn't it? I mean, you're basically sitting across and talking to someone who's never met you before and is sat there completely judging you. They're looking at your outfit, your hair, listening to what you say... daunting, right? Well, for some strange reason, nothing about that scares me.

I think it's maybe because I kind of just think 'don't like me, don't care'. I've reached a point in my life where I honestly don't care if you don't like me, because at the end of the day, there are people out there that do, so I can just talk to them instead. If someone isn't the person for you, or you're not 'clicking', then I've just learnt to forget about it - not everyone is going to like you, and that's okay.  Anyway, I also think one of the main reasons that I don't get that scared about them, is probably also the fact that I'm so used to having to go and meet random people all of time anyway (lol that sounds so weird). With modelling, you have to go to castings and impress, sometimes a room full of people, and you only get one chance to do so. I'll have to go and meet photographers for shoots and I'll have never met them before in my life! The same goes for blogging too. I'll go to events and meet people who I've only ever spoken to online or I'll, again, go to shoot some outfits with a photographer. I guess I'm just kind of used to dealing with 'stranger danger' (lol) and having to make a good first impression.



2. I CAN TALK... A LOT

One thing that is incredibly worrying, on a first date especially, is the idea of not having anything to talk about. The idea of any sort of awkward silence or uncomfortable difference in interest, is literally a dating worst nightmare. However, I've never really experienced that yet. I think it's genuinely because I just talk... about anything.. all. the. time. I find it easy to talk about anything and everything and usually, I just talk about myself or something incredibly generic (like the weather for example). If worst comes to worst, my advice is: just say anything. I've found that, even if the date is a complete 'no' from the moment it starts, I can keep the conversation up for the next few hours (until I finally escape and can breathe a sigh of relief that I no longer have to chat about the fact that 'the weather's awful today')

I've been on first dates where we've spoken about politics and world events and then on other dates where I've spoken about nights out and being too drunk - it just depends on the feel for the conversation I suppose. But either way, I don't think I've had to deal with too many awkward silences just yet.


3. I OPEN UP TO PEOPLE VERY EASILY

 This one might not necessarily be a positive thing, but let's just talk about it a little bit.

I am someone who is very open about what they've been through - especially nowadays. I have no shame in sharing what I've been through or what I'm going through, because at the end of the day, that's me... it's a big part of me.

Like I said earlier, I have the mentality of 'don't like me, don't care', so I tend to find that I avoid people who don't really take much interest in things like my blog or whatever. However, I've been in situations, with people I thought were 'right' and felt comfortable with, where I've brought up my mental health or things that have happened to me, and I've not really received a response that has made me feel that great. I've told people things that are quite personal and then been left a little bit, well... upset. I didn't feel comforted, or like it didn't matter and that they liked 'me for me', I felt embarrassed (something which I never usually feel) and like I wanted to run away and hide. I instantly regretted opening up.

On the other hand, I've been on dates where I've opened up about things, things that I've never even talked about on here before, or even to anyone else, and it's been lovely. I've told them some deep dark secrets and they've made me feel so good about it - not like I should just shut up and never mention it again.

So I guess, I've learnt to judge better when it comes to opening up to people. I need to know that the person I'm telling stuff too, is worth telling.



4. I DEFINITELY DO HAVE A TYPE

I'm someone who never thought they had a type. I was all like 'Oh, I don't really care... anyone with a pulse to be honest'... but oh, my. god. (you have to read that in Janice's voice from Friends) I am such a picky little bitch. I never even realised it before, but I literally have my ideal man, illustrated perfectly in my mind.

I won't describe him to you on here, because if my future boyf (if there ever is one) or husband (if there ever is one) ever reads this, and he doesn't fit the description, I'm going to feel really bad. But the thing is, I never even noticed how much more attracted I am to a specific type of person than I am to another. I know what I want and unfortunately, when people haven't met that description, I feel like everything has just fallen a bit 'flat'. Hopefully, one day, someone might fit the description. (where for art thou Prince Charming?)

Physical attraction is incredibly important. The physical attraction needs to be there, just as much as an emotional connection needs to be there. Without any sort of thought like 'omg, he's so hot', there's never going to be that 'spark' that I want.



5. WHEN I MEET SOMEONE, I'LL KNOW

I've spent a lot of time thinking that there was something wrong with me. No matter who I went on a date with or what we talked about, there always seemed to be something missing. I began thinking I was incapable of any emotion - I just didn't feel anything. As much as I thought someone was a great guy or was really attractive, I just wasn't getting that 'spark' or 'connection' that people talk about. I didn't even feel butterflies.

(I'd love to talk about the above ^^ more in depth in another blog post, so let me know if you'd like to see that)

I dwelled on this for soooo long, but now I realise it's because the people weren't right. The people I spoke to and dated, weren't right and you really can't force something like that. When the person is right, that's when I'll get the 'spark' and the 'butterflies' and I'll know. (lol cringe Hol haha)

"There's nothing more intimate in life than simply being understood and understanding someone else"

So, yep, there you go. That's what I've learnt from my very short and small amount of dating. Let me know down in the comments what dating is like for you and whether we have anything in common!

Shop the look here:


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It's okay to change.

Change is natural (I'm not about to give you 'the talk' don't worry); without change we wouldn't be able to grow, learn and become who we are. Without change we wouldn't meet new people, make new friends, take new opportunities. Without change, we cannot move on from the past.



For a while, I was terrified of change. I didn't want to grow, I wanted things to stay the same, I wanted to be forever 16 and I wanted my friends to stay in our tiny village and for us to walk to school together everyday. I wanted to be carefree and not work and I wanted to repeat the same routine and stay in my comfort zone. But, here's the thing... you can't grow when you're comfortable. To grow you need to be scared, you need to be terrified, you need to do things you've never done before, and yes, unfortunately, sometimes that ain't gonna be fun.

Comfort zones are called 'comfort' zones for a reason, but change is a part of life and we all have to break out of our 'zones of comfortableness' (just another way of me saying the words 'comfort zone' without repeating myself again lol) eventually. Eventually, something will come along and stir things up a bit, which, initially might make us panic, it might makes us sweat, it might make us cry... but at the end of the day, things happen for a reason and you've got to just go with it.




I think being scared is totally the wrong way of looking at things to be honest, even though that is always our instinctive reaction. Change should be good, it should be embraced - once you start to embrace change, that's when the fear vanishes and you can begin to see all the positives that it brings. It forces us to adapt and become more flexible (and no, I'm not talking in gymnastic terms unfortunately). Changing things gets you out of a rut and can often set you free from a situation that has been no good for you. For example, with me, change allowed me to begin to break free from my OCD and become more rational about things. It made me begin to see a bit of 'sense' and made me feel like I'd had a weight lifted from my shoulders. 'The change' was good. (I can't help but feel like me saying 'The change' sounded like I was talking about the menopause.... I'm not)

Leaving your comfort zone just shows how strong a person you are. It's very easy to just sit and stay in the same place, but it's not easy to shake things up and start all over again. It brings new opportunities and excitement, and although it can all be initially terrifying, most of the time things work out okay and for the best.



"You can't grow when you're comfortable"

So, have a think - are you sitting in your comfort zone or are you feeling petrified of what's to come, like me? If you're not scared, then maybe have a think about getting scared. Do something that breaks barriers, changes the routine, brings new opportunities. Don't let being 'comfortable' stop you from living and having fun.

You can shop the outfit in this post here (maybe you want to shake up your wardrobe for a bit of a 'change' or something? Who knows?):


Dealing with Change

It's okay to change.

Change is natural (I'm not about to give you 'the talk' don't worry); without change we wouldn't be able to grow, learn and become who we are. Without change we wouldn't meet new people, make new friends, take new opportunities. Without change, we cannot move on from the past.



For a while, I was terrified of change. I didn't want to grow, I wanted things to stay the same, I wanted to be forever 16 and I wanted my friends to stay in our tiny village and for us to walk to school together everyday. I wanted to be carefree and not work and I wanted to repeat the same routine and stay in my comfort zone. But, here's the thing... you can't grow when you're comfortable. To grow you need to be scared, you need to be terrified, you need to do things you've never done before, and yes, unfortunately, sometimes that ain't gonna be fun.

Comfort zones are called 'comfort' zones for a reason, but change is a part of life and we all have to break out of our 'zones of comfortableness' (just another way of me saying the words 'comfort zone' without repeating myself again lol) eventually. Eventually, something will come along and stir things up a bit, which, initially might make us panic, it might makes us sweat, it might make us cry... but at the end of the day, things happen for a reason and you've got to just go with it.




I think being scared is totally the wrong way of looking at things to be honest, even though that is always our instinctive reaction. Change should be good, it should be embraced - once you start to embrace change, that's when the fear vanishes and you can begin to see all the positives that it brings. It forces us to adapt and become more flexible (and no, I'm not talking in gymnastic terms unfortunately). Changing things gets you out of a rut and can often set you free from a situation that has been no good for you. For example, with me, change allowed me to begin to break free from my OCD and become more rational about things. It made me begin to see a bit of 'sense' and made me feel like I'd had a weight lifted from my shoulders. 'The change' was good. (I can't help but feel like me saying 'The change' sounded like I was talking about the menopause.... I'm not)

Leaving your comfort zone just shows how strong a person you are. It's very easy to just sit and stay in the same place, but it's not easy to shake things up and start all over again. It brings new opportunities and excitement, and although it can all be initially terrifying, most of the time things work out okay and for the best.



"You can't grow when you're comfortable"

So, have a think - are you sitting in your comfort zone or are you feeling petrified of what's to come, like me? If you're not scared, then maybe have a think about getting scared. Do something that breaks barriers, changes the routine, brings new opportunities. Don't let being 'comfortable' stop you from living and having fun.

You can shop the outfit in this post here (maybe you want to shake up your wardrobe for a bit of a 'change' or something? Who knows?):


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TOP - ZARA // SKIRT - ZARA // LIPSTICK - REVLON

I absoloutley love a good night out. I love being tipsy and having a laugh with my friends. I love waking up the next morning to someone saying 'Are we all alive?xx' on the group chat. It's fun, it's hilarious and it's definitely the time to do all that kind of thing when you're young - especially when you're 18. The thing is though, I don't go out every single weekend. I don't even go out once a month sometimes - that's partly because 3 of my friends are off at Uni and we're not all made of money, but it's mostly because I genuinely can't hack it. I need about 2 weeks to recover after one night out.

Now, you might be thinking that I'm a complete and utter loser for saying that, but I don't really care, because as much as I love a good night out, I also love staying in bed, watching 30 episodes of The US Office and eating myself into a food coma. Oh, that's the life.

A lot of people define themselves as the 'going out' type of person or the 'staying in' type of person, but I like to think of myself as somewhere inbetween. If I go out too much, I desperately crave a good night in and if I stay in too much, I desperately crave a messy night out - I kind of meet the two in the middle. Sometimes I wish I was one of these people that's out most nights of the week and constantly partying but honestly, I think I love sleep too much, and I also love my work and just being by myself and doing my own thing. Sometimes I might just want to be alone.

The two jobs that I do, Modelling and Blogging, both require early starts and a lot of work. A lot of the time, I'll be on a train to London by 6:30 am in the morning, and since my blog posts all go live at 7:00am, I like to double check them before they go out onto the internet for you all to read. I'm also the most productive in the morning. I always wake up feeling incredibly motivated and with ideas flooding through my brain. I'm usually knackered by 5:00pm because I've been working my little bum off all day on photos or writing posts, and sometimes I just don't have the energy for a night out.

'Going out' doesn't even necessarily have to mean a 'night out', it could literally mean going out in the day or just leaving the comfort of your home for any other reason. Sometimes I just want to stay in, and be lazy.


I think sometimes I feel under pressure to be out and about all of the time just because I'm young. However, at the end of the day, as long as I'm happy doing what I'm doing, then why does it matter? Just because other people are out and about at 3am in the morning all the time, doesn't mean I have to be too. I like a good nights sleep, sitting in and editing YouTube videos; I like using the daylight in the afternoon to take 100 photos of a lipstick on top of a flat-lay, whilst other people might be out with their friends - different people like to do different things. And yes, sometimes I might look at others and feel lonely or left out or boring, but then I remember that just because they're 'going out' today and I'm not, doesn't mean that I won't be 'going out' and doing something fun and exciting another day. I've just got to do my own thing.

Why force it just because that's what everyone else is doing? I'm not a boring person just because I'm not drinking and dancing 24/7. I'm fun, I make people laugh and I lead an interesting life (if I do say so myself). People who stay in, wear fluffy socks, drink tea and hide under their duvets can be fun too guys!

At the end of the day, do what makes you happy. Not going out all of the time doesn't make me a bore (because when I do go out, I'm a bloody good laugh), it just means that I might have other things to do.

Want to recreate this look? Shop it here:


Why Not Going Out All The Time Doesn't Make You 'Boring'

TOP - ZARA // SKIRT - ZARA // LIPSTICK - REVLON

I absoloutley love a good night out. I love being tipsy and having a laugh with my friends. I love waking up the next morning to someone saying 'Are we all alive?xx' on the group chat. It's fun, it's hilarious and it's definitely the time to do all that kind of thing when you're young - especially when you're 18. The thing is though, I don't go out every single weekend. I don't even go out once a month sometimes - that's partly because 3 of my friends are off at Uni and we're not all made of money, but it's mostly because I genuinely can't hack it. I need about 2 weeks to recover after one night out.

Now, you might be thinking that I'm a complete and utter loser for saying that, but I don't really care, because as much as I love a good night out, I also love staying in bed, watching 30 episodes of The US Office and eating myself into a food coma. Oh, that's the life.

A lot of people define themselves as the 'going out' type of person or the 'staying in' type of person, but I like to think of myself as somewhere inbetween. If I go out too much, I desperately crave a good night in and if I stay in too much, I desperately crave a messy night out - I kind of meet the two in the middle. Sometimes I wish I was one of these people that's out most nights of the week and constantly partying but honestly, I think I love sleep too much, and I also love my work and just being by myself and doing my own thing. Sometimes I might just want to be alone.

The two jobs that I do, Modelling and Blogging, both require early starts and a lot of work. A lot of the time, I'll be on a train to London by 6:30 am in the morning, and since my blog posts all go live at 7:00am, I like to double check them before they go out onto the internet for you all to read. I'm also the most productive in the morning. I always wake up feeling incredibly motivated and with ideas flooding through my brain. I'm usually knackered by 5:00pm because I've been working my little bum off all day on photos or writing posts, and sometimes I just don't have the energy for a night out.

'Going out' doesn't even necessarily have to mean a 'night out', it could literally mean going out in the day or just leaving the comfort of your home for any other reason. Sometimes I just want to stay in, and be lazy.


I think sometimes I feel under pressure to be out and about all of the time just because I'm young. However, at the end of the day, as long as I'm happy doing what I'm doing, then why does it matter? Just because other people are out and about at 3am in the morning all the time, doesn't mean I have to be too. I like a good nights sleep, sitting in and editing YouTube videos; I like using the daylight in the afternoon to take 100 photos of a lipstick on top of a flat-lay, whilst other people might be out with their friends - different people like to do different things. And yes, sometimes I might look at others and feel lonely or left out or boring, but then I remember that just because they're 'going out' today and I'm not, doesn't mean that I won't be 'going out' and doing something fun and exciting another day. I've just got to do my own thing.

Why force it just because that's what everyone else is doing? I'm not a boring person just because I'm not drinking and dancing 24/7. I'm fun, I make people laugh and I lead an interesting life (if I do say so myself). People who stay in, wear fluffy socks, drink tea and hide under their duvets can be fun too guys!

At the end of the day, do what makes you happy. Not going out all of the time doesn't make me a bore (because when I do go out, I'm a bloody good laugh), it just means that I might have other things to do.

Want to recreate this look? Shop it here:


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Breathe in. Breathe out. Stay Calm. 

I spend my whole life worrying, panicking, stressing and feeling overwhelmed by things. I spend my life overthinking and analyzing and it's almost like I'm suffocating myself with my thoughts. I've dealt with irrational thoughts for years and one of the weirdest ones I've had was a fear of lighting candles. I can't remember what I had read or heard, but something had just terrified me out of wanting to use them. Like I said, it would have been total nonsense...

When it got to Christmas last year (as in 2016. God that feels weird, doesn't it?), I was in the process of making my room all cosy and tumblr-esque when I opened up my wardrobe and found 4 huge  candles that I'd been hoarding for about 2 years. I just looked at them for a moment. Why had I never lit them? Did I really believe what ever it was that was scaring me out of it?


It's crazy to think that I think I get stressed over things now, but back then, I literally obsessed over the idea that candles were a bad thing and I should no longer use them. How irrational is that? What was I thinking? Why did I believe that? That's the thing with irrational thoughts though - we believe them. We believe anything our heads want us to believe. This is why we, I, get so overwhelmingly stressed. My head just panics and believes every little negative thing that pops into my mind. I've had thoughts that are so crazy and random, and then I've gone and completely changed my life over them. It's madness.

Anyway, so yes, I was staring at these candles and I suddenly just picked one up.
Yep, I grabbed my scented candle, a box of matches and lit the bloody damn thing. It felt weirdly uplifting. It was like I was burning away my irrational fear or something (ooo, how arty is that?). I then went on to burn through all 4 candles before New Years Eve - my fear of candles was definitely gone. (I never realised how symbolic this all sounded haha). 


You might be wondering why I'm telling you this really random story about my irrational fear of lighting candles and well, I basically just wanted to show you that one day, you will just get an overwhelming sense of calm and you will block out the irrational nonsense. As soon as I'd lit that candle, it was like this heavy weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It was like I was finally allowed to feel calm. I was allowed to sit in my cosy, fairy light filled room, stick on some Ed Sheeran, light a candle and relax. I was allowed not to worry for a moment.

Whenever I light a candle now I get this feeling of pride (which is probably the weirdest emotion you could feel whilst lighting a candle haha). It reminds me that no matter how crazy and irrational my thoughts are being, that one day I'll get through it and everything won't seem as scary anymore.


Recently, I was contacted by the lovely Hannah who hand pours and creates her own amazing candles at www.sosoy.co.uk. The email came into my inbox at the perfect time, just as my old love for lighting them had come flooding back. She asked me if I'd like to try some of them and feature them here on my blog - I of course said yes, hence this post being created!

I was really excited to receive these - I've never used a candle with soya beans before. I chose the scents Caramel, Patchouli & Honey and Black Coffee, Jasmine & Vanilla. I'm a huge fan of sweet scents so chose the ones which sounded sweetest.

When they arrived, it was like Christmas day again! I opened up the package to find two beautifully boxed candles. The packaging was minimal and simple - just the kind of thing I like - and I was instantly drawn in by the font used on them (yes, I'm that kind of weirdo that likes fonts). 
The first one I decided to burn was the Black Coffee, Jasmine & Vanilla one. This scent is very dark and sexy, yet is definitely still as sweet and delicious as I had hoped. The vanilla comes through a lot, which I love, and the coffee and white florals compliment it beautifully. As soon as I started burning it, I could smell it which was amazing - I love strong scents.
Then, I tried out the Caramel, Patchouli & Honey one. The notes of vanilla and chocolate are what this sold this too me completely. It's a much more warm fragrance compared to the other one, but still equally sweet. Again, as soon as I began to burn this, the scent filled my room and it was just so comforting and cosy. I love both of them so much!

If you'd like to check out So Soy candles and read more about them, how they're made and browse the different scents then you can do so by clicking here!

So Calm with So Soy Candles #ad


Breathe in. Breathe out. Stay Calm. 

I spend my whole life worrying, panicking, stressing and feeling overwhelmed by things. I spend my life overthinking and analyzing and it's almost like I'm suffocating myself with my thoughts. I've dealt with irrational thoughts for years and one of the weirdest ones I've had was a fear of lighting candles. I can't remember what I had read or heard, but something had just terrified me out of wanting to use them. Like I said, it would have been total nonsense...

When it got to Christmas last year (as in 2016. God that feels weird, doesn't it?), I was in the process of making my room all cosy and tumblr-esque when I opened up my wardrobe and found 4 huge  candles that I'd been hoarding for about 2 years. I just looked at them for a moment. Why had I never lit them? Did I really believe what ever it was that was scaring me out of it?


It's crazy to think that I think I get stressed over things now, but back then, I literally obsessed over the idea that candles were a bad thing and I should no longer use them. How irrational is that? What was I thinking? Why did I believe that? That's the thing with irrational thoughts though - we believe them. We believe anything our heads want us to believe. This is why we, I, get so overwhelmingly stressed. My head just panics and believes every little negative thing that pops into my mind. I've had thoughts that are so crazy and random, and then I've gone and completely changed my life over them. It's madness.

Anyway, so yes, I was staring at these candles and I suddenly just picked one up.
Yep, I grabbed my scented candle, a box of matches and lit the bloody damn thing. It felt weirdly uplifting. It was like I was burning away my irrational fear or something (ooo, how arty is that?). I then went on to burn through all 4 candles before New Years Eve - my fear of candles was definitely gone. (I never realised how symbolic this all sounded haha). 


You might be wondering why I'm telling you this really random story about my irrational fear of lighting candles and well, I basically just wanted to show you that one day, you will just get an overwhelming sense of calm and you will block out the irrational nonsense. As soon as I'd lit that candle, it was like this heavy weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It was like I was finally allowed to feel calm. I was allowed to sit in my cosy, fairy light filled room, stick on some Ed Sheeran, light a candle and relax. I was allowed not to worry for a moment.

Whenever I light a candle now I get this feeling of pride (which is probably the weirdest emotion you could feel whilst lighting a candle haha). It reminds me that no matter how crazy and irrational my thoughts are being, that one day I'll get through it and everything won't seem as scary anymore.


Recently, I was contacted by the lovely Hannah who hand pours and creates her own amazing candles at www.sosoy.co.uk. The email came into my inbox at the perfect time, just as my old love for lighting them had come flooding back. She asked me if I'd like to try some of them and feature them here on my blog - I of course said yes, hence this post being created!

I was really excited to receive these - I've never used a candle with soya beans before. I chose the scents Caramel, Patchouli & Honey and Black Coffee, Jasmine & Vanilla. I'm a huge fan of sweet scents so chose the ones which sounded sweetest.

When they arrived, it was like Christmas day again! I opened up the package to find two beautifully boxed candles. The packaging was minimal and simple - just the kind of thing I like - and I was instantly drawn in by the font used on them (yes, I'm that kind of weirdo that likes fonts). 
The first one I decided to burn was the Black Coffee, Jasmine & Vanilla one. This scent is very dark and sexy, yet is definitely still as sweet and delicious as I had hoped. The vanilla comes through a lot, which I love, and the coffee and white florals compliment it beautifully. As soon as I started burning it, I could smell it which was amazing - I love strong scents.
Then, I tried out the Caramel, Patchouli & Honey one. The notes of vanilla and chocolate are what this sold this too me completely. It's a much more warm fragrance compared to the other one, but still equally sweet. Again, as soon as I began to burn this, the scent filled my room and it was just so comforting and cosy. I love both of them so much!

If you'd like to check out So Soy candles and read more about them, how they're made and browse the different scents then you can do so by clicking here!
Read more »

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