If you read my post 'I Feel Free: How I Dealt With OCD', then you'll know that I've struggled with obsessive behaviors surrounding time and timings for a while now. I basically created a routine in my head and had compulsions to do certain things at certain times. Since writing that post I've really tried to 'let go' a little bit. I've been trying to be more free and easy going and go with the flow. I've been trying to not let the clock control my decisions: I often say no to things because I can't deal with not being 'in control', or not doing something specific at a time that that thing might conflict with. It's been hard, but it's slowly working and I'm changing.

I was recently contacted by Daniel Wellington, asking if I'd like to receive some pieces from them. I said yes, and once they arrived, something really struck a chord with me: I've never really worn a watch. I've never grown up wearing a watch, having a miniature clock strapped to my wrist - it was only over the past few years that I began looking at the clock and using 'time' as some weird form of 'allowance'. 



It just made me think about how free I used to be from time and timings. When I was younger, I would never look at a clock and be like, 'no sorry, I can't, I have to brush the floor at that time' (yeah, I have a specific time in my head for that... don't judge me haha), I would just be like 'yeah! let's go!'. I need to start being more like that now. But, you see, I don't want that to stop me from being able to wear beautiful pieces like these from Daniel Wellington. So, today, I want to take the 'time' element away from watches and look at them more as a piece of fashion. 

A watch can be such a fab accessory, not just be used to tell the time. I always love the contrast between the clock face and the strap, and the great thing about Daniel Wellington watches is that all the straps are interchangeable, meaning that you're able to mix and match. 

Personally, I really love dark straps on watches - I just think it makes the face stand out so much more. The watches I chose were the Cornwall Classic Black and the Reading Classic Black. I love the way that the rose gold and the silver look against the black straps and yet, the straps are still so interesting due to the different textures! I think each strap would work wonderfully with each face and would add just that little something extra to a look. 



Daniel Wellington also sent me their Classic Cuff in silver - something else that is simple, yet just adds something to an outfit. It's gorgeously engraved with the brand name and came in a gorgeous little box. It would be perfect paired with the silver watch.

If you're looking for your own 'timeless' piece then you can shop these below:


You're Timeless To Me


If you read my post 'I Feel Free: How I Dealt With OCD', then you'll know that I've struggled with obsessive behaviors surrounding time and timings for a while now. I basically created a routine in my head and had compulsions to do certain things at certain times. Since writing that post I've really tried to 'let go' a little bit. I've been trying to be more free and easy going and go with the flow. I've been trying to not let the clock control my decisions: I often say no to things because I can't deal with not being 'in control', or not doing something specific at a time that that thing might conflict with. It's been hard, but it's slowly working and I'm changing.

I was recently contacted by Daniel Wellington, asking if I'd like to receive some pieces from them. I said yes, and once they arrived, something really struck a chord with me: I've never really worn a watch. I've never grown up wearing a watch, having a miniature clock strapped to my wrist - it was only over the past few years that I began looking at the clock and using 'time' as some weird form of 'allowance'. 



It just made me think about how free I used to be from time and timings. When I was younger, I would never look at a clock and be like, 'no sorry, I can't, I have to brush the floor at that time' (yeah, I have a specific time in my head for that... don't judge me haha), I would just be like 'yeah! let's go!'. I need to start being more like that now. But, you see, I don't want that to stop me from being able to wear beautiful pieces like these from Daniel Wellington. So, today, I want to take the 'time' element away from watches and look at them more as a piece of fashion. 

A watch can be such a fab accessory, not just be used to tell the time. I always love the contrast between the clock face and the strap, and the great thing about Daniel Wellington watches is that all the straps are interchangeable, meaning that you're able to mix and match. 

Personally, I really love dark straps on watches - I just think it makes the face stand out so much more. The watches I chose were the Cornwall Classic Black and the Reading Classic Black. I love the way that the rose gold and the silver look against the black straps and yet, the straps are still so interesting due to the different textures! I think each strap would work wonderfully with each face and would add just that little something extra to a look. 



Daniel Wellington also sent me their Classic Cuff in silver - something else that is simple, yet just adds something to an outfit. It's gorgeously engraved with the brand name and came in a gorgeous little box. It would be perfect paired with the silver watch.

If you're looking for your own 'timeless' piece then you can shop these below:


Read more »

Who likes to stick to the 'norms' of fashion? Not me! I love playing around with styling and textures, and sometimes I even dabble in a bit of colour. I love how fashion gives me creative freedom and the ability to express myself. I think it's fun to try and mix things up and break away from 'traditional' style. 

I like to break away from the 'norms' of everything really. I don't like being sectioned off into one little description that I'm not allowed to break away from. We're changing creatures, we need to be allowed to experiment and have fun - whether that be in everyday life or with our style! 

Something that is normally considered a more 'casual' piece, is anything that comes under the 'denim' genre. Denim is always seen as something you'd throw on to create a day-time look or something a bit more 'street-fashion'. The thing is though, why does it have to be? Just because most people wouldn't think to grab for a denim jacket or a pair of jeans for a more formal occasion, doesn't mean that you can't. All style is personal, and if you feel amazing and confident in denim, then you bloody well wear it!


TOP - NEW LOOK // JEANS - NEW LOOK

We have the tendency to want to 'fit in' and we fear rejection. The world tries to shape us to be a specific type of person or to look or dress in a certain way. Conforming to the norms just stops your creative side from being free - it stops you from expressing who you are and even just finding out who you want to be. I don't think people realise just how much fashion can be a brilliant way of expressing feelings and showing who we are as human beings. We need to stop worrying about what everyone else is thinking - you do you. Don't follow the 'rules' just because that's what the world wants you to do, it's so much more fun to break free and be your own person. And so, if that means you love a good bit of denim in your outfit, then so be it!

Anyway, denim is such a fun piece to style with, so why not style it for every occasion? I think it's got such a lovely sense of 'character' about it - especially distressed denim or anything with a little added extra, like embroidery. I feel like the denim you choose to wear can really show who you are or what mood you're in. 


BLAZER - NEW LOOK

New Look have asked me to work with them on their Denim vs Formal campaign. For this look I really wanted to challenge the 'norms' and style some distressed denim for a more formal/evening occasion. Sometimes, although slipping on a pretty dress or a frilly skirt can make you feel amazing, it's nice to create a look that's a little more edgy and fun for a formal occasion too.  

I decided to style this amazing pair of Black Washed Ripped Knee Mom Jeans along with this fabulous Silver V-Neck Metallic Sleeveless Bodysuit and this White Satin Trim Blazer. I thought that the silver bodysuit added a touch of 'glam' (something you'd normally get with a glitzy dress or skirt) and the white blazer contrasted perfectly with the ripped jeans. The mom jean has such a casual style, yet paired with a blazer and sassy top, like I've done here, they work perfectly for a more 'formal' look. The look is a total oxymoron and I love it! It just goes to show, there's nothing wrong with breaking out from the 'norms' and doing a little experimenting.


"Be free"

So today, my challenge for you is: break out from the norm. Try something new with your sense of style (or anything else for that matter), do something you wouldn't normally do and let yourself be as creative as possible. Fashion should be fun and we shouldn't be tied down to one particularly genre of style or be told what we can and cannot wear for specific occasions.

You could even try creating your own denim/formal look if you fancy. Or if you'd simply like to recreate this one, then make sure you head to the New Look website!

Mixing Denim & Formal

Who likes to stick to the 'norms' of fashion? Not me! I love playing around with styling and textures, and sometimes I even dabble in a bit of colour. I love how fashion gives me creative freedom and the ability to express myself. I think it's fun to try and mix things up and break away from 'traditional' style. 

I like to break away from the 'norms' of everything really. I don't like being sectioned off into one little description that I'm not allowed to break away from. We're changing creatures, we need to be allowed to experiment and have fun - whether that be in everyday life or with our style! 

Something that is normally considered a more 'casual' piece, is anything that comes under the 'denim' genre. Denim is always seen as something you'd throw on to create a day-time look or something a bit more 'street-fashion'. The thing is though, why does it have to be? Just because most people wouldn't think to grab for a denim jacket or a pair of jeans for a more formal occasion, doesn't mean that you can't. All style is personal, and if you feel amazing and confident in denim, then you bloody well wear it!


TOP - NEW LOOK // JEANS - NEW LOOK

We have the tendency to want to 'fit in' and we fear rejection. The world tries to shape us to be a specific type of person or to look or dress in a certain way. Conforming to the norms just stops your creative side from being free - it stops you from expressing who you are and even just finding out who you want to be. I don't think people realise just how much fashion can be a brilliant way of expressing feelings and showing who we are as human beings. We need to stop worrying about what everyone else is thinking - you do you. Don't follow the 'rules' just because that's what the world wants you to do, it's so much more fun to break free and be your own person. And so, if that means you love a good bit of denim in your outfit, then so be it!

Anyway, denim is such a fun piece to style with, so why not style it for every occasion? I think it's got such a lovely sense of 'character' about it - especially distressed denim or anything with a little added extra, like embroidery. I feel like the denim you choose to wear can really show who you are or what mood you're in. 


BLAZER - NEW LOOK

New Look have asked me to work with them on their Denim vs Formal campaign. For this look I really wanted to challenge the 'norms' and style some distressed denim for a more formal/evening occasion. Sometimes, although slipping on a pretty dress or a frilly skirt can make you feel amazing, it's nice to create a look that's a little more edgy and fun for a formal occasion too.  

I decided to style this amazing pair of Black Washed Ripped Knee Mom Jeans along with this fabulous Silver V-Neck Metallic Sleeveless Bodysuit and this White Satin Trim Blazer. I thought that the silver bodysuit added a touch of 'glam' (something you'd normally get with a glitzy dress or skirt) and the white blazer contrasted perfectly with the ripped jeans. The mom jean has such a casual style, yet paired with a blazer and sassy top, like I've done here, they work perfectly for a more 'formal' look. The look is a total oxymoron and I love it! It just goes to show, there's nothing wrong with breaking out from the 'norms' and doing a little experimenting.


"Be free"

So today, my challenge for you is: break out from the norm. Try something new with your sense of style (or anything else for that matter), do something you wouldn't normally do and let yourself be as creative as possible. Fashion should be fun and we shouldn't be tied down to one particularly genre of style or be told what we can and cannot wear for specific occasions.

You could even try creating your own denim/formal look if you fancy. Or if you'd simply like to recreate this one, then make sure you head to the New Look website!
Read more »

That's right guys, I went on a date... In fact, I've been on more than one.

Going on a date always seemed like it would be such a pinnacle moment in my life. I set these super high expectations (like I do with everything) and welll.... dates just aren't like they are in the movies, are they?... Although I could sit here and write blog post after blog post, about all the different dates I've been on, I thought I'd go for a more 'reflective' vibe, because I tell you what, going on dates actually taught me a lot about myself.



1. DATES DON'T SCARE ME

Now, considering I'm a sufferer of anxiety and various other mental illnesses, you'd think I'd be an absolute nervous wreck when it comes to going on a date, but actually, I'm quite the opposite.

The whole idea of a 'date' is totally terrifying, isn't it? I mean, you're basically sitting across and talking to someone who's never met you before and is sat there completely judging you. They're looking at your outfit, your hair, listening to what you say... daunting, right? Well, for some strange reason, nothing about that scares me.

I think it's maybe because I kind of just think 'don't like me, don't care'. I've reached a point in my life where I honestly don't care if you don't like me, because at the end of the day, there are people out there that do, so I can just talk to them instead. If someone isn't the person for you, or you're not 'clicking', then I've just learnt to forget about it - not everyone is going to like you, and that's okay.  Anyway, I also think one of the main reasons that I don't get that scared about them, is probably also the fact that I'm so used to having to go and meet random people all of time anyway (lol that sounds so weird). With modelling, you have to go to castings and impress, sometimes a room full of people, and you only get one chance to do so. I'll have to go and meet photographers for shoots and I'll have never met them before in my life! The same goes for blogging too. I'll go to events and meet people who I've only ever spoken to online or I'll, again, go to shoot some outfits with a photographer. I guess I'm just kind of used to dealing with 'stranger danger' (lol) and having to make a good first impression.



2. I CAN TALK... A LOT

One thing that is incredibly worrying, on a first date especially, is the idea of not having anything to talk about. The idea of any sort of awkward silence or uncomfortable difference in interest, is literally a dating worst nightmare. However, I've never really experienced that yet. I think it's genuinely because I just talk... about anything.. all. the. time. I find it easy to talk about anything and everything and usually, I just talk about myself or something incredibly generic (like the weather for example). If worst comes to worst, my advice is: just say anything. I've found that, even if the date is a complete 'no' from the moment it starts, I can keep the conversation up for the next few hours (until I finally escape and can breathe a sigh of relief that I no longer have to chat about the fact that 'the weather's awful today')

I've been on first dates where we've spoken about politics and world events and then on other dates where I've spoken about nights out and being too drunk - it just depends on the feel for the conversation I suppose. But either way, I don't think I've had to deal with too many awkward silences just yet.


3. I OPEN UP TO PEOPLE VERY EASILY

 This one might not necessarily be a positive thing, but let's just talk about it a little bit.

I am someone who is very open about what they've been through - especially nowadays. I have no shame in sharing what I've been through or what I'm going through, because at the end of the day, that's me... it's a big part of me.

Like I said earlier, I have the mentality of 'don't like me, don't care', so I tend to find that I avoid people who don't really take much interest in things like my blog or whatever. However, I've been in situations, with people I thought were 'right' and felt comfortable with, where I've brought up my mental health or things that have happened to me, and I've not really received a response that has made me feel that great. I've told people things that are quite personal and then been left a little bit, well... upset. I didn't feel comforted, or like it didn't matter and that they liked 'me for me', I felt embarrassed (something which I never usually feel) and like I wanted to run away and hide. I instantly regretted opening up.

On the other hand, I've been on dates where I've opened up about things, things that I've never even talked about on here before, or even to anyone else, and it's been lovely. I've told them some deep dark secrets and they've made me feel so good about it - not like I should just shut up and never mention it again.

So I guess, I've learnt to judge better when it comes to opening up to people. I need to know that the person I'm telling stuff too, is worth telling.



4. I DEFINITELY DO HAVE A TYPE

I'm someone who never thought they had a type. I was all like 'Oh, I don't really care... anyone with a pulse to be honest'... but oh, my. god. (you have to read that in Janice's voice from Friends) I am such a picky little bitch. I never even realised it before, but I literally have my ideal man, illustrated perfectly in my mind.

I won't describe him to you on here, because if my future boyf (if there ever is one) or husband (if there ever is one) ever reads this, and he doesn't fit the description, I'm going to feel really bad. But the thing is, I never even noticed how much more attracted I am to a specific type of person than I am to another. I know what I want and unfortunately, when people haven't met that description, I feel like everything has just fallen a bit 'flat'. Hopefully, one day, someone might fit the description. (where for art thou Prince Charming?)

Physical attraction is incredibly important. The physical attraction needs to be there, just as much as an emotional connection needs to be there. Without any sort of thought like 'omg, he's so hot', there's never going to be that 'spark' that I want.



5. WHEN I MEET SOMEONE, I'LL KNOW

I've spent a lot of time thinking that there was something wrong with me. No matter who I went on a date with or what we talked about, there always seemed to be something missing. I began thinking I was incapable of any emotion - I just didn't feel anything. As much as I thought someone was a great guy or was really attractive, I just wasn't getting that 'spark' or 'connection' that people talk about. I didn't even feel butterflies.

(I'd love to talk about the above ^^ more in depth in another blog post, so let me know if you'd like to see that)

I dwelled on this for soooo long, but now I realise it's because the people weren't right. The people I spoke to and dated, weren't right and you really can't force something like that. When the person is right, that's when I'll get the 'spark' and the 'butterflies' and I'll know. (lol cringe Hol haha)

"There's nothing more intimate in life than simply being understood and understanding someone else"

So, yep, there you go. That's what I've learnt from my very short and small amount of dating. Let me know down in the comments what dating is like for you and whether we have anything in common!

Shop the look here:


What I've Learnt About Myself From Going On Dates

That's right guys, I went on a date... In fact, I've been on more than one.

Going on a date always seemed like it would be such a pinnacle moment in my life. I set these super high expectations (like I do with everything) and welll.... dates just aren't like they are in the movies, are they?... Although I could sit here and write blog post after blog post, about all the different dates I've been on, I thought I'd go for a more 'reflective' vibe, because I tell you what, going on dates actually taught me a lot about myself.



1. DATES DON'T SCARE ME

Now, considering I'm a sufferer of anxiety and various other mental illnesses, you'd think I'd be an absolute nervous wreck when it comes to going on a date, but actually, I'm quite the opposite.

The whole idea of a 'date' is totally terrifying, isn't it? I mean, you're basically sitting across and talking to someone who's never met you before and is sat there completely judging you. They're looking at your outfit, your hair, listening to what you say... daunting, right? Well, for some strange reason, nothing about that scares me.

I think it's maybe because I kind of just think 'don't like me, don't care'. I've reached a point in my life where I honestly don't care if you don't like me, because at the end of the day, there are people out there that do, so I can just talk to them instead. If someone isn't the person for you, or you're not 'clicking', then I've just learnt to forget about it - not everyone is going to like you, and that's okay.  Anyway, I also think one of the main reasons that I don't get that scared about them, is probably also the fact that I'm so used to having to go and meet random people all of time anyway (lol that sounds so weird). With modelling, you have to go to castings and impress, sometimes a room full of people, and you only get one chance to do so. I'll have to go and meet photographers for shoots and I'll have never met them before in my life! The same goes for blogging too. I'll go to events and meet people who I've only ever spoken to online or I'll, again, go to shoot some outfits with a photographer. I guess I'm just kind of used to dealing with 'stranger danger' (lol) and having to make a good first impression.



2. I CAN TALK... A LOT

One thing that is incredibly worrying, on a first date especially, is the idea of not having anything to talk about. The idea of any sort of awkward silence or uncomfortable difference in interest, is literally a dating worst nightmare. However, I've never really experienced that yet. I think it's genuinely because I just talk... about anything.. all. the. time. I find it easy to talk about anything and everything and usually, I just talk about myself or something incredibly generic (like the weather for example). If worst comes to worst, my advice is: just say anything. I've found that, even if the date is a complete 'no' from the moment it starts, I can keep the conversation up for the next few hours (until I finally escape and can breathe a sigh of relief that I no longer have to chat about the fact that 'the weather's awful today')

I've been on first dates where we've spoken about politics and world events and then on other dates where I've spoken about nights out and being too drunk - it just depends on the feel for the conversation I suppose. But either way, I don't think I've had to deal with too many awkward silences just yet.


3. I OPEN UP TO PEOPLE VERY EASILY

 This one might not necessarily be a positive thing, but let's just talk about it a little bit.

I am someone who is very open about what they've been through - especially nowadays. I have no shame in sharing what I've been through or what I'm going through, because at the end of the day, that's me... it's a big part of me.

Like I said earlier, I have the mentality of 'don't like me, don't care', so I tend to find that I avoid people who don't really take much interest in things like my blog or whatever. However, I've been in situations, with people I thought were 'right' and felt comfortable with, where I've brought up my mental health or things that have happened to me, and I've not really received a response that has made me feel that great. I've told people things that are quite personal and then been left a little bit, well... upset. I didn't feel comforted, or like it didn't matter and that they liked 'me for me', I felt embarrassed (something which I never usually feel) and like I wanted to run away and hide. I instantly regretted opening up.

On the other hand, I've been on dates where I've opened up about things, things that I've never even talked about on here before, or even to anyone else, and it's been lovely. I've told them some deep dark secrets and they've made me feel so good about it - not like I should just shut up and never mention it again.

So I guess, I've learnt to judge better when it comes to opening up to people. I need to know that the person I'm telling stuff too, is worth telling.



4. I DEFINITELY DO HAVE A TYPE

I'm someone who never thought they had a type. I was all like 'Oh, I don't really care... anyone with a pulse to be honest'... but oh, my. god. (you have to read that in Janice's voice from Friends) I am such a picky little bitch. I never even realised it before, but I literally have my ideal man, illustrated perfectly in my mind.

I won't describe him to you on here, because if my future boyf (if there ever is one) or husband (if there ever is one) ever reads this, and he doesn't fit the description, I'm going to feel really bad. But the thing is, I never even noticed how much more attracted I am to a specific type of person than I am to another. I know what I want and unfortunately, when people haven't met that description, I feel like everything has just fallen a bit 'flat'. Hopefully, one day, someone might fit the description. (where for art thou Prince Charming?)

Physical attraction is incredibly important. The physical attraction needs to be there, just as much as an emotional connection needs to be there. Without any sort of thought like 'omg, he's so hot', there's never going to be that 'spark' that I want.



5. WHEN I MEET SOMEONE, I'LL KNOW

I've spent a lot of time thinking that there was something wrong with me. No matter who I went on a date with or what we talked about, there always seemed to be something missing. I began thinking I was incapable of any emotion - I just didn't feel anything. As much as I thought someone was a great guy or was really attractive, I just wasn't getting that 'spark' or 'connection' that people talk about. I didn't even feel butterflies.

(I'd love to talk about the above ^^ more in depth in another blog post, so let me know if you'd like to see that)

I dwelled on this for soooo long, but now I realise it's because the people weren't right. The people I spoke to and dated, weren't right and you really can't force something like that. When the person is right, that's when I'll get the 'spark' and the 'butterflies' and I'll know. (lol cringe Hol haha)

"There's nothing more intimate in life than simply being understood and understanding someone else"

So, yep, there you go. That's what I've learnt from my very short and small amount of dating. Let me know down in the comments what dating is like for you and whether we have anything in common!

Shop the look here:


Read more »

It's okay to change.

Change is natural (I'm not about to give you 'the talk' don't worry); without change we wouldn't be able to grow, learn and become who we are. Without change we wouldn't meet new people, make new friends, take new opportunities. Without change, we cannot move on from the past.



For a while, I was terrified of change. I didn't want to grow, I wanted things to stay the same, I wanted to be forever 16 and I wanted my friends to stay in our tiny village and for us to walk to school together everyday. I wanted to be carefree and not work and I wanted to repeat the same routine and stay in my comfort zone. But, here's the thing... you can't grow when you're comfortable. To grow you need to be scared, you need to be terrified, you need to do things you've never done before, and yes, unfortunately, sometimes that ain't gonna be fun.

Comfort zones are called 'comfort' zones for a reason, but change is a part of life and we all have to break out of our 'zones of comfortableness' (just another way of me saying the words 'comfort zone' without repeating myself again lol) eventually. Eventually, something will come along and stir things up a bit, which, initially might make us panic, it might makes us sweat, it might make us cry... but at the end of the day, things happen for a reason and you've got to just go with it.




I think being scared is totally the wrong way of looking at things to be honest, even though that is always our instinctive reaction. Change should be good, it should be embraced - once you start to embrace change, that's when the fear vanishes and you can begin to see all the positives that it brings. It forces us to adapt and become more flexible (and no, I'm not talking in gymnastic terms unfortunately). Changing things gets you out of a rut and can often set you free from a situation that has been no good for you. For example, with me, change allowed me to begin to break free from my OCD and become more rational about things. It made me begin to see a bit of 'sense' and made me feel like I'd had a weight lifted from my shoulders. 'The change' was good. (I can't help but feel like me saying 'The change' sounded like I was talking about the menopause.... I'm not)

Leaving your comfort zone just shows how strong a person you are. It's very easy to just sit and stay in the same place, but it's not easy to shake things up and start all over again. It brings new opportunities and excitement, and although it can all be initially terrifying, most of the time things work out okay and for the best.



"You can't grow when you're comfortable"

So, have a think - are you sitting in your comfort zone or are you feeling petrified of what's to come, like me? If you're not scared, then maybe have a think about getting scared. Do something that breaks barriers, changes the routine, brings new opportunities. Don't let being 'comfortable' stop you from living and having fun.

You can shop the outfit in this post here (maybe you want to shake up your wardrobe for a bit of a 'change' or something? Who knows?):


Dealing with Change

It's okay to change.

Change is natural (I'm not about to give you 'the talk' don't worry); without change we wouldn't be able to grow, learn and become who we are. Without change we wouldn't meet new people, make new friends, take new opportunities. Without change, we cannot move on from the past.



For a while, I was terrified of change. I didn't want to grow, I wanted things to stay the same, I wanted to be forever 16 and I wanted my friends to stay in our tiny village and for us to walk to school together everyday. I wanted to be carefree and not work and I wanted to repeat the same routine and stay in my comfort zone. But, here's the thing... you can't grow when you're comfortable. To grow you need to be scared, you need to be terrified, you need to do things you've never done before, and yes, unfortunately, sometimes that ain't gonna be fun.

Comfort zones are called 'comfort' zones for a reason, but change is a part of life and we all have to break out of our 'zones of comfortableness' (just another way of me saying the words 'comfort zone' without repeating myself again lol) eventually. Eventually, something will come along and stir things up a bit, which, initially might make us panic, it might makes us sweat, it might make us cry... but at the end of the day, things happen for a reason and you've got to just go with it.




I think being scared is totally the wrong way of looking at things to be honest, even though that is always our instinctive reaction. Change should be good, it should be embraced - once you start to embrace change, that's when the fear vanishes and you can begin to see all the positives that it brings. It forces us to adapt and become more flexible (and no, I'm not talking in gymnastic terms unfortunately). Changing things gets you out of a rut and can often set you free from a situation that has been no good for you. For example, with me, change allowed me to begin to break free from my OCD and become more rational about things. It made me begin to see a bit of 'sense' and made me feel like I'd had a weight lifted from my shoulders. 'The change' was good. (I can't help but feel like me saying 'The change' sounded like I was talking about the menopause.... I'm not)

Leaving your comfort zone just shows how strong a person you are. It's very easy to just sit and stay in the same place, but it's not easy to shake things up and start all over again. It brings new opportunities and excitement, and although it can all be initially terrifying, most of the time things work out okay and for the best.



"You can't grow when you're comfortable"

So, have a think - are you sitting in your comfort zone or are you feeling petrified of what's to come, like me? If you're not scared, then maybe have a think about getting scared. Do something that breaks barriers, changes the routine, brings new opportunities. Don't let being 'comfortable' stop you from living and having fun.

You can shop the outfit in this post here (maybe you want to shake up your wardrobe for a bit of a 'change' or something? Who knows?):


Read more »

TOP - ZARA // SKIRT - ZARA // LIPSTICK - REVLON

I absoloutley love a good night out. I love being tipsy and having a laugh with my friends. I love waking up the next morning to someone saying 'Are we all alive?xx' on the group chat. It's fun, it's hilarious and it's definitely the time to do all that kind of thing when you're young - especially when you're 18. The thing is though, I don't go out every single weekend. I don't even go out once a month sometimes - that's partly because 3 of my friends are off at Uni and we're not all made of money, but it's mostly because I genuinely can't hack it. I need about 2 weeks to recover after one night out.

Now, you might be thinking that I'm a complete and utter loser for saying that, but I don't really care, because as much as I love a good night out, I also love staying in bed, watching 30 episodes of The US Office and eating myself into a food coma. Oh, that's the life.

A lot of people define themselves as the 'going out' type of person or the 'staying in' type of person, but I like to think of myself as somewhere inbetween. If I go out too much, I desperately crave a good night in and if I stay in too much, I desperately crave a messy night out - I kind of meet the two in the middle. Sometimes I wish I was one of these people that's out most nights of the week and constantly partying but honestly, I think I love sleep too much, and I also love my work and just being by myself and doing my own thing. Sometimes I might just want to be alone.

The two jobs that I do, Modelling and Blogging, both require early starts and a lot of work. A lot of the time, I'll be on a train to London by 6:30 am in the morning, and since my blog posts all go live at 7:00am, I like to double check them before they go out onto the internet for you all to read. I'm also the most productive in the morning. I always wake up feeling incredibly motivated and with ideas flooding through my brain. I'm usually knackered by 5:00pm because I've been working my little bum off all day on photos or writing posts, and sometimes I just don't have the energy for a night out.

'Going out' doesn't even necessarily have to mean a 'night out', it could literally mean going out in the day or just leaving the comfort of your home for any other reason. Sometimes I just want to stay in, and be lazy.


I think sometimes I feel under pressure to be out and about all of the time just because I'm young. However, at the end of the day, as long as I'm happy doing what I'm doing, then why does it matter? Just because other people are out and about at 3am in the morning all the time, doesn't mean I have to be too. I like a good nights sleep, sitting in and editing YouTube videos; I like using the daylight in the afternoon to take 100 photos of a lipstick on top of a flat-lay, whilst other people might be out with their friends - different people like to do different things. And yes, sometimes I might look at others and feel lonely or left out or boring, but then I remember that just because they're 'going out' today and I'm not, doesn't mean that I won't be 'going out' and doing something fun and exciting another day. I've just got to do my own thing.

Why force it just because that's what everyone else is doing? I'm not a boring person just because I'm not drinking and dancing 24/7. I'm fun, I make people laugh and I lead an interesting life (if I do say so myself). People who stay in, wear fluffy socks, drink tea and hide under their duvets can be fun too guys!

At the end of the day, do what makes you happy. Not going out all of the time doesn't make me a bore (because when I do go out, I'm a bloody good laugh), it just means that I might have other things to do.

Want to recreate this look? Shop it here:


Why Not Going Out All The Time Doesn't Make You 'Boring'

TOP - ZARA // SKIRT - ZARA // LIPSTICK - REVLON

I absoloutley love a good night out. I love being tipsy and having a laugh with my friends. I love waking up the next morning to someone saying 'Are we all alive?xx' on the group chat. It's fun, it's hilarious and it's definitely the time to do all that kind of thing when you're young - especially when you're 18. The thing is though, I don't go out every single weekend. I don't even go out once a month sometimes - that's partly because 3 of my friends are off at Uni and we're not all made of money, but it's mostly because I genuinely can't hack it. I need about 2 weeks to recover after one night out.

Now, you might be thinking that I'm a complete and utter loser for saying that, but I don't really care, because as much as I love a good night out, I also love staying in bed, watching 30 episodes of The US Office and eating myself into a food coma. Oh, that's the life.

A lot of people define themselves as the 'going out' type of person or the 'staying in' type of person, but I like to think of myself as somewhere inbetween. If I go out too much, I desperately crave a good night in and if I stay in too much, I desperately crave a messy night out - I kind of meet the two in the middle. Sometimes I wish I was one of these people that's out most nights of the week and constantly partying but honestly, I think I love sleep too much, and I also love my work and just being by myself and doing my own thing. Sometimes I might just want to be alone.

The two jobs that I do, Modelling and Blogging, both require early starts and a lot of work. A lot of the time, I'll be on a train to London by 6:30 am in the morning, and since my blog posts all go live at 7:00am, I like to double check them before they go out onto the internet for you all to read. I'm also the most productive in the morning. I always wake up feeling incredibly motivated and with ideas flooding through my brain. I'm usually knackered by 5:00pm because I've been working my little bum off all day on photos or writing posts, and sometimes I just don't have the energy for a night out.

'Going out' doesn't even necessarily have to mean a 'night out', it could literally mean going out in the day or just leaving the comfort of your home for any other reason. Sometimes I just want to stay in, and be lazy.


I think sometimes I feel under pressure to be out and about all of the time just because I'm young. However, at the end of the day, as long as I'm happy doing what I'm doing, then why does it matter? Just because other people are out and about at 3am in the morning all the time, doesn't mean I have to be too. I like a good nights sleep, sitting in and editing YouTube videos; I like using the daylight in the afternoon to take 100 photos of a lipstick on top of a flat-lay, whilst other people might be out with their friends - different people like to do different things. And yes, sometimes I might look at others and feel lonely or left out or boring, but then I remember that just because they're 'going out' today and I'm not, doesn't mean that I won't be 'going out' and doing something fun and exciting another day. I've just got to do my own thing.

Why force it just because that's what everyone else is doing? I'm not a boring person just because I'm not drinking and dancing 24/7. I'm fun, I make people laugh and I lead an interesting life (if I do say so myself). People who stay in, wear fluffy socks, drink tea and hide under their duvets can be fun too guys!

At the end of the day, do what makes you happy. Not going out all of the time doesn't make me a bore (because when I do go out, I'm a bloody good laugh), it just means that I might have other things to do.

Want to recreate this look? Shop it here:


Read more »


Breathe in. Breathe out. Stay Calm. 

I spend my whole life worrying, panicking, stressing and feeling overwhelmed by things. I spend my life overthinking and analyzing and it's almost like I'm suffocating myself with my thoughts. I've dealt with irrational thoughts for years and one of the weirdest ones I've had was a fear of lighting candles. I can't remember what I had read or heard, but something had just terrified me out of wanting to use them. Like I said, it would have been total nonsense...

When it got to Christmas last year (as in 2016. God that feels weird, doesn't it?), I was in the process of making my room all cosy and tumblr-esque when I opened up my wardrobe and found 4 huge  candles that I'd been hoarding for about 2 years. I just looked at them for a moment. Why had I never lit them? Did I really believe what ever it was that was scaring me out of it?


It's crazy to think that I think I get stressed over things now, but back then, I literally obsessed over the idea that candles were a bad thing and I should no longer use them. How irrational is that? What was I thinking? Why did I believe that? That's the thing with irrational thoughts though - we believe them. We believe anything our heads want us to believe. This is why we, I, get so overwhelmingly stressed. My head just panics and believes every little negative thing that pops into my mind. I've had thoughts that are so crazy and random, and then I've gone and completely changed my life over them. It's madness.

Anyway, so yes, I was staring at these candles and I suddenly just picked one up.
Yep, I grabbed my scented candle, a box of matches and lit the bloody damn thing. It felt weirdly uplifting. It was like I was burning away my irrational fear or something (ooo, how arty is that?). I then went on to burn through all 4 candles before New Years Eve - my fear of candles was definitely gone. (I never realised how symbolic this all sounded haha). 


You might be wondering why I'm telling you this really random story about my irrational fear of lighting candles and well, I basically just wanted to show you that one day, you will just get an overwhelming sense of calm and you will block out the irrational nonsense. As soon as I'd lit that candle, it was like this heavy weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It was like I was finally allowed to feel calm. I was allowed to sit in my cosy, fairy light filled room, stick on some Ed Sheeran, light a candle and relax. I was allowed not to worry for a moment.

Whenever I light a candle now I get this feeling of pride (which is probably the weirdest emotion you could feel whilst lighting a candle haha). It reminds me that no matter how crazy and irrational my thoughts are being, that one day I'll get through it and everything won't seem as scary anymore.


Recently, I was contacted by the lovely Hannah who hand pours and creates her own amazing candles at www.sosoy.co.uk. The email came into my inbox at the perfect time, just as my old love for lighting them had come flooding back. She asked me if I'd like to try some of them and feature them here on my blog - I of course said yes, hence this post being created!

I was really excited to receive these - I've never used a candle with soya beans before. I chose the scents Caramel, Patchouli & Honey and Black Coffee, Jasmine & Vanilla. I'm a huge fan of sweet scents so chose the ones which sounded sweetest.

When they arrived, it was like Christmas day again! I opened up the package to find two beautifully boxed candles. The packaging was minimal and simple - just the kind of thing I like - and I was instantly drawn in by the font used on them (yes, I'm that kind of weirdo that likes fonts). 
The first one I decided to burn was the Black Coffee, Jasmine & Vanilla one. This scent is very dark and sexy, yet is definitely still as sweet and delicious as I had hoped. The vanilla comes through a lot, which I love, and the coffee and white florals compliment it beautifully. As soon as I started burning it, I could smell it which was amazing - I love strong scents.
Then, I tried out the Caramel, Patchouli & Honey one. The notes of vanilla and chocolate are what this sold this too me completely. It's a much more warm fragrance compared to the other one, but still equally sweet. Again, as soon as I began to burn this, the scent filled my room and it was just so comforting and cosy. I love both of them so much!

If you'd like to check out So Soy candles and read more about them, how they're made and browse the different scents then you can do so by clicking here!

So Calm with So Soy Candles #ad


Breathe in. Breathe out. Stay Calm. 

I spend my whole life worrying, panicking, stressing and feeling overwhelmed by things. I spend my life overthinking and analyzing and it's almost like I'm suffocating myself with my thoughts. I've dealt with irrational thoughts for years and one of the weirdest ones I've had was a fear of lighting candles. I can't remember what I had read or heard, but something had just terrified me out of wanting to use them. Like I said, it would have been total nonsense...

When it got to Christmas last year (as in 2016. God that feels weird, doesn't it?), I was in the process of making my room all cosy and tumblr-esque when I opened up my wardrobe and found 4 huge  candles that I'd been hoarding for about 2 years. I just looked at them for a moment. Why had I never lit them? Did I really believe what ever it was that was scaring me out of it?


It's crazy to think that I think I get stressed over things now, but back then, I literally obsessed over the idea that candles were a bad thing and I should no longer use them. How irrational is that? What was I thinking? Why did I believe that? That's the thing with irrational thoughts though - we believe them. We believe anything our heads want us to believe. This is why we, I, get so overwhelmingly stressed. My head just panics and believes every little negative thing that pops into my mind. I've had thoughts that are so crazy and random, and then I've gone and completely changed my life over them. It's madness.

Anyway, so yes, I was staring at these candles and I suddenly just picked one up.
Yep, I grabbed my scented candle, a box of matches and lit the bloody damn thing. It felt weirdly uplifting. It was like I was burning away my irrational fear or something (ooo, how arty is that?). I then went on to burn through all 4 candles before New Years Eve - my fear of candles was definitely gone. (I never realised how symbolic this all sounded haha). 


You might be wondering why I'm telling you this really random story about my irrational fear of lighting candles and well, I basically just wanted to show you that one day, you will just get an overwhelming sense of calm and you will block out the irrational nonsense. As soon as I'd lit that candle, it was like this heavy weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It was like I was finally allowed to feel calm. I was allowed to sit in my cosy, fairy light filled room, stick on some Ed Sheeran, light a candle and relax. I was allowed not to worry for a moment.

Whenever I light a candle now I get this feeling of pride (which is probably the weirdest emotion you could feel whilst lighting a candle haha). It reminds me that no matter how crazy and irrational my thoughts are being, that one day I'll get through it and everything won't seem as scary anymore.


Recently, I was contacted by the lovely Hannah who hand pours and creates her own amazing candles at www.sosoy.co.uk. The email came into my inbox at the perfect time, just as my old love for lighting them had come flooding back. She asked me if I'd like to try some of them and feature them here on my blog - I of course said yes, hence this post being created!

I was really excited to receive these - I've never used a candle with soya beans before. I chose the scents Caramel, Patchouli & Honey and Black Coffee, Jasmine & Vanilla. I'm a huge fan of sweet scents so chose the ones which sounded sweetest.

When they arrived, it was like Christmas day again! I opened up the package to find two beautifully boxed candles. The packaging was minimal and simple - just the kind of thing I like - and I was instantly drawn in by the font used on them (yes, I'm that kind of weirdo that likes fonts). 
The first one I decided to burn was the Black Coffee, Jasmine & Vanilla one. This scent is very dark and sexy, yet is definitely still as sweet and delicious as I had hoped. The vanilla comes through a lot, which I love, and the coffee and white florals compliment it beautifully. As soon as I started burning it, I could smell it which was amazing - I love strong scents.
Then, I tried out the Caramel, Patchouli & Honey one. The notes of vanilla and chocolate are what this sold this too me completely. It's a much more warm fragrance compared to the other one, but still equally sweet. Again, as soon as I began to burn this, the scent filled my room and it was just so comforting and cosy. I love both of them so much!

If you'd like to check out So Soy candles and read more about them, how they're made and browse the different scents then you can do so by clicking here!
Read more »

I wasn't too sure if I should write this post. I'm not 'fixed' or 'cured' and I certainly don't 'love myself'. In fact, I'm 98% uncomfortable with what I look like most of the time. The thing is though, I don't dislike myself. I don't not like my personality, I don't not like my job and I don't not like myself ALL of the time. There are little moments where I can really appreciate myself as a person. I can look in the mirror and say 'Hey, I don't look half bad today' or I can think 'Haha, that was funny Hol' and that's what this post is going to talk about, I guess. 

I've spent so much of my life hating who I am. I've hated myself so much that I told myself I didn't deserve to exist anymore. I won't lie, I even have that thought every now and again now... but it's how I deal with it that has changed. In the past, I've isolated myself, I've tortured myself and I've let my thoughts tear me down. I've analysed every little thing that I've done or said, and I've basically channeled my brain to never let me like who I am.

If you suffer from a mental illness yourself, you'll probably understand this but, it's almost as if there's nothing that could ever make me truly love who i am, 100%. It's almost like no matter how hard I try, I'm always going to have those days where I miss the way I used to look at my lowest weight or I want to avoid any social interaction. It's like I've now programmed my brain to self destruct whenever I begin to feel low and, although nowadays, this 'self destruction' doesn't happen anywhere near as often as it used to, it certainly still happens - it's just the way that it is.



As someone who has always thought of themselves in a negative light, it's sooooo hard to change the way that I think about myself. 

I've always sought other people's approval, I've always wanted to 'fit in' and be 'liked'. In the back of my head, I always knew I was trying too hard, but that never stopped me. I told myself that if other people didn't like me or the way that I looked, then neither should I; I told myself that if I didn't fit the mold or if I didn't do what everyone else did, that I would always be alone. I basically brainwashed myself into believing that I was worthless and that no one could like/love the 'real me'. 

I've always hated my appearance - and when I say 'hate', I well and truly mean 'hate'. I mean that I've despised everything about myself - I couldn't look in a mirror or at a photo and find one positive quality, yet I'd stand in front of my mirror for hours on end and I'd just look at myself. I'd scroll through Instagram and find 'body inspo' and search how much celebrities weighed and compare them to my own weight. I'd grab my skin and imagine cutting my fat off with scissors, and I'd drink gallons of water and not eat anything for hours, which was the worst of all. I just could not like what I saw. 

I've always been a very controlling and organised person too. I've always wanted to know what time we're leaving the house or what time I'd be getting home. I'd need to know specifics and durations - how long something was going to last so that I could know what was happening afterwards. I keep things tidy and clean, and I get stressed if people move things from places or positions that I've placed them in - I can't be clear minded in a messy room. I became so controlling and obsessive about time and timings, that it took over my life. 

So, what changed? How come things are different now? How did I change the way I thought about things and myself?



I really just had to learn about 'irrationality'. I had to learn that my thoughts were irrational and learn to fight against them with the rational ones. 

I stopped seeking everyone else's approval. I learnt that the only person's approval I need is my own. When you learn to love yourself and be who you truly are, that's where true happiness and acceptance comes from. The more that you can be yourself, the more respect and love that people will have for you. People can smell desperation from a mile off - the more you are comfortable and relaxed with who you are, the more likely people are to be comfortable and relaxed with you too. I love my personality now. I love what I do. I love that I can be un-apologetically myself.

When I look in a mirror now, I can give you a list of a few things that I like: I like my eye lashes, I like my freckles, I like my long arms, I like my ginger hair and I like my blonde eye brows. Yes, of course there are definitely things I'd still like to change, but I'm working on them, and most people have the odd thing that they don't like, don't they? 
This was one of the more tougher things to change, but one day I just realised that I needed to start accepting myself because there's no such thing as a 'whole new person transplant'. There was never going to be a day where I'd wake up and look like 'Keira Knightly', I was always going to wake up and look like 'Holly White', and I needed to accept that. I also needed to learn about my disorders and what they were making me think and see. I learnt that my eating disorders were the ones causing the destructive thoughts and that it was always going to be quite difficult for me to understand my appearance because of Body Dysmorphia. I learnt to start listening to other people. I learnt to start taking compliments and trusting my body to just do it's thanggg. It's a long process, but it's slowly working. I definitely like myself a lot more than I used to.

The most recent thing I've learnt to do, is to just 'let go' a little bit. A mixture of Anxiety and OCD were taking over my life. I had a sacred routine that I couldn't break free from and I was over analyzing ever situation. One day I really just had to push myself and change things. I thought that by controlling timings and hiding away I was protecting myself, but really I was just causing myself more pain. I wasn't placing the responsibility for the pain on myself and my irrational thoughts, but instead placing them on the situations I was hiding from or the people who 'wouldn't co-ordinate' with my 'routine'.
It's weird to think that something that you think is protecting yourself, is actually causing you more problems and hurt. Something that we think is keeping us safe, is actually the thing that is destroying us. I think we should all think about that a little bit...


I think a good question to ask yourself is 'what is causing me to feel this way?' or 'what is causing me to hate myself?'. Think about the thoughts you're having, the emotions you're feeling and the way that you're acting and learn to understand where it's coming from. Where is the hate, the fear, the depression, the anger coming from? Once you detach yourself from your own situation, it's so much easier to figure out. Try giving yourself advice as if you were giving it to someone else.

It does make me feel incredibly sad to think that I will most likely spend the majority of my life dealing with different aspects of different illnesses, but at least I know how to deal with them and why it's happening. I find it so helpful to ask myself those questions and to really think about whether I'm being rational or irrational. I also love writing things down, getting my thoughts out on paper or in a blog post - it helps clear my mind and see all of my thoughts clearly in front of me.
At the end of the day, the more you realise that your thoughts and feelings are false, the more you can push yourself and learn to be who you are.
So, continue to step away from situations and look at them with an outside point of view - what advice would you give your friend in that situation? Write things down, talk to someone and realise that you're a good person who's worth the fight. Do not allow the darker days to suffocate you, as much as it feels like they completely could. Pick yourself up and tell yourself that you're going to be okay, because you will be. It takes a lot of time to reprogram our brains into thinking rationally again, especially when it's been years of irrational thoughts, one after the other, but it does eventually happen and it's most uplifting feeling.

"Worry about loving yourself instead of loving the idea of other people loving you."

If you ever need a chat or someone to confide in, you guys know that I'm here, but if not then here are some helpful phone numbers and websites below:

Mind Info-line: 0300 123 3393 or text 86463
Samaritans: 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org
Cruse: 0808 808 1677

Shop this look here:


Learning To Like Yourself When Suffering With Your Mental Health

I wasn't too sure if I should write this post. I'm not 'fixed' or 'cured' and I certainly don't 'love myself'. In fact, I'm 98% uncomfortable with what I look like most of the time. The thing is though, I don't dislike myself. I don't not like my personality, I don't not like my job and I don't not like myself ALL of the time. There are little moments where I can really appreciate myself as a person. I can look in the mirror and say 'Hey, I don't look half bad today' or I can think 'Haha, that was funny Hol' and that's what this post is going to talk about, I guess. 

I've spent so much of my life hating who I am. I've hated myself so much that I told myself I didn't deserve to exist anymore. I won't lie, I even have that thought every now and again now... but it's how I deal with it that has changed. In the past, I've isolated myself, I've tortured myself and I've let my thoughts tear me down. I've analysed every little thing that I've done or said, and I've basically channeled my brain to never let me like who I am.

If you suffer from a mental illness yourself, you'll probably understand this but, it's almost as if there's nothing that could ever make me truly love who i am, 100%. It's almost like no matter how hard I try, I'm always going to have those days where I miss the way I used to look at my lowest weight or I want to avoid any social interaction. It's like I've now programmed my brain to self destruct whenever I begin to feel low and, although nowadays, this 'self destruction' doesn't happen anywhere near as often as it used to, it certainly still happens - it's just the way that it is.



As someone who has always thought of themselves in a negative light, it's sooooo hard to change the way that I think about myself. 

I've always sought other people's approval, I've always wanted to 'fit in' and be 'liked'. In the back of my head, I always knew I was trying too hard, but that never stopped me. I told myself that if other people didn't like me or the way that I looked, then neither should I; I told myself that if I didn't fit the mold or if I didn't do what everyone else did, that I would always be alone. I basically brainwashed myself into believing that I was worthless and that no one could like/love the 'real me'. 

I've always hated my appearance - and when I say 'hate', I well and truly mean 'hate'. I mean that I've despised everything about myself - I couldn't look in a mirror or at a photo and find one positive quality, yet I'd stand in front of my mirror for hours on end and I'd just look at myself. I'd scroll through Instagram and find 'body inspo' and search how much celebrities weighed and compare them to my own weight. I'd grab my skin and imagine cutting my fat off with scissors, and I'd drink gallons of water and not eat anything for hours, which was the worst of all. I just could not like what I saw. 

I've always been a very controlling and organised person too. I've always wanted to know what time we're leaving the house or what time I'd be getting home. I'd need to know specifics and durations - how long something was going to last so that I could know what was happening afterwards. I keep things tidy and clean, and I get stressed if people move things from places or positions that I've placed them in - I can't be clear minded in a messy room. I became so controlling and obsessive about time and timings, that it took over my life. 

So, what changed? How come things are different now? How did I change the way I thought about things and myself?



I really just had to learn about 'irrationality'. I had to learn that my thoughts were irrational and learn to fight against them with the rational ones. 

I stopped seeking everyone else's approval. I learnt that the only person's approval I need is my own. When you learn to love yourself and be who you truly are, that's where true happiness and acceptance comes from. The more that you can be yourself, the more respect and love that people will have for you. People can smell desperation from a mile off - the more you are comfortable and relaxed with who you are, the more likely people are to be comfortable and relaxed with you too. I love my personality now. I love what I do. I love that I can be un-apologetically myself.

When I look in a mirror now, I can give you a list of a few things that I like: I like my eye lashes, I like my freckles, I like my long arms, I like my ginger hair and I like my blonde eye brows. Yes, of course there are definitely things I'd still like to change, but I'm working on them, and most people have the odd thing that they don't like, don't they? 
This was one of the more tougher things to change, but one day I just realised that I needed to start accepting myself because there's no such thing as a 'whole new person transplant'. There was never going to be a day where I'd wake up and look like 'Keira Knightly', I was always going to wake up and look like 'Holly White', and I needed to accept that. I also needed to learn about my disorders and what they were making me think and see. I learnt that my eating disorders were the ones causing the destructive thoughts and that it was always going to be quite difficult for me to understand my appearance because of Body Dysmorphia. I learnt to start listening to other people. I learnt to start taking compliments and trusting my body to just do it's thanggg. It's a long process, but it's slowly working. I definitely like myself a lot more than I used to.

The most recent thing I've learnt to do, is to just 'let go' a little bit. A mixture of Anxiety and OCD were taking over my life. I had a sacred routine that I couldn't break free from and I was over analyzing ever situation. One day I really just had to push myself and change things. I thought that by controlling timings and hiding away I was protecting myself, but really I was just causing myself more pain. I wasn't placing the responsibility for the pain on myself and my irrational thoughts, but instead placing them on the situations I was hiding from or the people who 'wouldn't co-ordinate' with my 'routine'.
It's weird to think that something that you think is protecting yourself, is actually causing you more problems and hurt. Something that we think is keeping us safe, is actually the thing that is destroying us. I think we should all think about that a little bit...


I think a good question to ask yourself is 'what is causing me to feel this way?' or 'what is causing me to hate myself?'. Think about the thoughts you're having, the emotions you're feeling and the way that you're acting and learn to understand where it's coming from. Where is the hate, the fear, the depression, the anger coming from? Once you detach yourself from your own situation, it's so much easier to figure out. Try giving yourself advice as if you were giving it to someone else.

It does make me feel incredibly sad to think that I will most likely spend the majority of my life dealing with different aspects of different illnesses, but at least I know how to deal with them and why it's happening. I find it so helpful to ask myself those questions and to really think about whether I'm being rational or irrational. I also love writing things down, getting my thoughts out on paper or in a blog post - it helps clear my mind and see all of my thoughts clearly in front of me.
At the end of the day, the more you realise that your thoughts and feelings are false, the more you can push yourself and learn to be who you are.
So, continue to step away from situations and look at them with an outside point of view - what advice would you give your friend in that situation? Write things down, talk to someone and realise that you're a good person who's worth the fight. Do not allow the darker days to suffocate you, as much as it feels like they completely could. Pick yourself up and tell yourself that you're going to be okay, because you will be. It takes a lot of time to reprogram our brains into thinking rationally again, especially when it's been years of irrational thoughts, one after the other, but it does eventually happen and it's most uplifting feeling.

"Worry about loving yourself instead of loving the idea of other people loving you."

If you ever need a chat or someone to confide in, you guys know that I'm here, but if not then here are some helpful phone numbers and websites below:

Mind Info-line: 0300 123 3393 or text 86463
Samaritans: 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org
Cruse: 0808 808 1677

Shop this look here:


Read more »




If the title of my blog didn't already give it away, I really love simplicity. I love white furniture and all black outfits; I love drinking water and cosy nights in; I love minimal make up and people who get straight to the point. I just love it. Simplicity keeps me calm and focused. A tidy room or a clear desk just gives me space to think, you know? 

I would say that my style is pretty minimal and simple. I don't often branch out and buy patterned pieces or go crazy with colour. I love monochrome and I love just slipping on a dress and black heeled boots and being ready to go. But, because of that, one thing that I always forget to do is accessorise. I forget to grab for a pair of earrings or a necklace - I sometimes even forget to put on my glasses when I'm not thinking hard enough. 

Recently, Carat* London got in contact with me and asked if I would like to receive some pieces from them. I had a look at their site, browsed through some of their pieces, and decided that I'd really like to try them out. The pieces I saw were simple, elegant and beautiful - right up my street. And, hey! Why not treat myself to a nice jewellery collaboration with a brand that I like? haha

I will clarify too, this post is not sponsored but the items are gifted to me and I just really wanted to write about them!






NECKLACE - CARAT LONDON

I don't often treat myself to a lot of jewelry, and like I said, I often forget to accessorise besides popping on a choker every now and again. Most of my jewelry are just pieces that I've picked up in the sales for £1 or something - nothing too fancy shmancy. However, it felt really nice to be treated to something a little more luxurious, and well, honestly, out of my budget, for once.

When the pieces arrived, and I opened the boxes, I was just a human version of the heart eyes emoji - they were beautiful. Plus, I was only expecting to receive one piece (the bracelet), so when I opened the second box to find the necklace too, I was so surprised! I kind of felt like I was in a romantic movie, receiving beautiful jewellery from my gorgeous thoughtful boyfriend, but in reality I was opening my blogger mail from a FedEx delivery box... it was still a lovely moment though. 

The necklace came in a large white box, which made me feel very very posh (haha), and is just absoloutley stunning. It's the Lexi Necklace and is sterling silver in a white gold finish. It's a brilliant piece because it can be worn so many ways due to the adjustable fastening. You could opt to wear it as a choker (which is what I prefer) or you could wear it looser and have it sit lower around your neck. 

I think it's just such a lovely piece that is able to add a little bit of 'pizzazz' (lol, did I really just say pizzazz?) to a simple look like the one I'm wearing here.







BRACELET - CARAT LONDON

The bracelet I had chosen myself. I decided to go for the Silver Fitz Millenium Bracelet because, despite being very simple and elegant, it just had something extra to it due to the diamond shaped stones. Again, this is made from sterling silver in a white gold finish and has an adjustable clasp to allow you to try out wearing it more loosely or tighter, depending on your more comfortable fit. I also think that's great because if you have tiny wrists like me, you can actually wear a piece of jewellery that fits!

It's such a simple piece and yet, is so eye catching. Just like the necklace, it just adds a nice quality to a basic outfit and I think that's such a good quality in a piece of jewelry. If something isn't too 'in your face' but is still able to add a bit 'something something', then that's perfect for a simplicity lover like me.



Carat London have some absolutely lovely pieces, perfect for special occasions or for gifting people with! You can check out the site by clicking here and if you want to get your hands on these pieces or something similar, then have a look here:


Simply Beautiful Jewellery with Carat* London




If the title of my blog didn't already give it away, I really love simplicity. I love white furniture and all black outfits; I love drinking water and cosy nights in; I love minimal make up and people who get straight to the point. I just love it. Simplicity keeps me calm and focused. A tidy room or a clear desk just gives me space to think, you know? 

I would say that my style is pretty minimal and simple. I don't often branch out and buy patterned pieces or go crazy with colour. I love monochrome and I love just slipping on a dress and black heeled boots and being ready to go. But, because of that, one thing that I always forget to do is accessorise. I forget to grab for a pair of earrings or a necklace - I sometimes even forget to put on my glasses when I'm not thinking hard enough. 

Recently, Carat* London got in contact with me and asked if I would like to receive some pieces from them. I had a look at their site, browsed through some of their pieces, and decided that I'd really like to try them out. The pieces I saw were simple, elegant and beautiful - right up my street. And, hey! Why not treat myself to a nice jewellery collaboration with a brand that I like? haha

I will clarify too, this post is not sponsored but the items are gifted to me and I just really wanted to write about them!






NECKLACE - CARAT LONDON

I don't often treat myself to a lot of jewelry, and like I said, I often forget to accessorise besides popping on a choker every now and again. Most of my jewelry are just pieces that I've picked up in the sales for £1 or something - nothing too fancy shmancy. However, it felt really nice to be treated to something a little more luxurious, and well, honestly, out of my budget, for once.

When the pieces arrived, and I opened the boxes, I was just a human version of the heart eyes emoji - they were beautiful. Plus, I was only expecting to receive one piece (the bracelet), so when I opened the second box to find the necklace too, I was so surprised! I kind of felt like I was in a romantic movie, receiving beautiful jewellery from my gorgeous thoughtful boyfriend, but in reality I was opening my blogger mail from a FedEx delivery box... it was still a lovely moment though. 

The necklace came in a large white box, which made me feel very very posh (haha), and is just absoloutley stunning. It's the Lexi Necklace and is sterling silver in a white gold finish. It's a brilliant piece because it can be worn so many ways due to the adjustable fastening. You could opt to wear it as a choker (which is what I prefer) or you could wear it looser and have it sit lower around your neck. 

I think it's just such a lovely piece that is able to add a little bit of 'pizzazz' (lol, did I really just say pizzazz?) to a simple look like the one I'm wearing here.







BRACELET - CARAT LONDON

The bracelet I had chosen myself. I decided to go for the Silver Fitz Millenium Bracelet because, despite being very simple and elegant, it just had something extra to it due to the diamond shaped stones. Again, this is made from sterling silver in a white gold finish and has an adjustable clasp to allow you to try out wearing it more loosely or tighter, depending on your more comfortable fit. I also think that's great because if you have tiny wrists like me, you can actually wear a piece of jewellery that fits!

It's such a simple piece and yet, is so eye catching. Just like the necklace, it just adds a nice quality to a basic outfit and I think that's such a good quality in a piece of jewelry. If something isn't too 'in your face' but is still able to add a bit 'something something', then that's perfect for a simplicity lover like me.



Carat London have some absolutely lovely pieces, perfect for special occasions or for gifting people with! You can check out the site by clicking here and if you want to get your hands on these pieces or something similar, then have a look here:


Read more »

Instagram

Beauty Favourites

Looking for something?

@Instagram
© Holly Rebecca White, Made By Underline Designs Back to Top